Meant to be
by vivid-heart
Summary: Life keeps on changing and the choices grow to be more difficult - Mainly Tiva, done.
1. Chapter 1

"How the hell are we going to explain this to Gibbs?" Ziva marched back into the hotel room and didn't look happy at all.

"Explain what exactly?" Tony sat on the couch.

"How we got late from the flight because of you!" Ziva threw her hands in the air.

Tony stood back up and walked to her, "Oh, come on! It's not that bad!"

Ziva looked at him and raised an eyebrow, "It's not?"

"No!" he said widely and grinned, "I've got this, Zee-vah".

"How do you got this, Tony?" she asked and wanted to know what kind of a ridiculous plan he had come up with this time.

"Well, firstly, I'm gonna, um," he cleared his throat, "I'm gonna tell Gibbs, that we -," he said but when Ziva looked at him even more disapprovingly, he changed we to I, "I mean, _I_ –_ I_ got a little... distracted".

"A little? My god, DiNozzo, you went to buy some stupid souvenirs and that is why we missed the flight! How can _you_ explain that to Gibbs, without him killing you?"

"Don't worry, Ziva. This is – um, I still got this".

"I do not think so," she said and turned around. She opened her bags and emptied it's contents to the bed.

"What are you doing?" Tony asked curiously.

"Repacking my stuff. I do not like that they are this unorganized," Ziva said and started to fold her clothes.

"Why do you wanna pack?" he sighed, "Why don't you wanna go out? We have hours till the next flight".

"No," she said plainly.

Tony sit at the edge of the bed and sighed. He watched how Ziva packed her bags impatiently. They have had quite a time in Columbia and it made them think about their lives. Was it always going to be more than late hours of work and lonely nights at home? Or was it all going to be one day sealed with a ring, kiss and I do?

"You don't need to hurry," he pointed out and checked his wrist watch, "Because we can still go out. Have some fun, right?"

She turned to gaze at him quickly, "I want to be on time and ready to leave."

"You know what I wanna do?" Tony asked.

"Pack?"

"No! Go sightseeing!" Tony suggested and stood up. He smiled at her and hoped it would change her mind, but he was wrong.

"I want to go through this whole case once again before going to back Washington," Ziva said and packed her underwear.

"You brought the golden bikinis?" he changed the subject temporarily and grinned.

Ziva gave him a unamused glare which made him throw his hands up in the air as sign on surrendering.

"Wow, Miss Tighty Pants, loosen it up a little bit!" he said and took her hand, "Come on Ziva! Let's have some fun!"

She looked at their hands and then him, "I do not need fun, Tony," she didn't understand the meaning of him wanting to get her out to go sightseeing, since the last time in Paris, he had done it all by himself. Didn't he know what it was going to be like? The two of them arguing, whining and wanting to go back to hotel after fifteen minutes of spending time together.

He sensed that him holding her hand wasn't a good idea, so he let go, but didn't take his eyes off of her, "Come on, Ziva. Everybody needs to have fun".

She looked at him for few seconds, "I need to pack," she said and continued her actions.

Tony stared at her stubbornly and sighed.

"What?" Ziva finally turned to look at him with her hands on her hips. She knew that the sigh wasn't just a sigh; it was him disapproving the situation, wanting to explain it and the sigh was an appropriate way to ask permission to tell it.

"Nothing...," he huffed.

"What is wrong?" Ziva didn't let up, until she got an answer from him.

"Well, it's just that... You know, before you were so... Full of life and always ready for action and now you just wanna be in a hotel room and pack. So what happened?" Tony asked and watched how she stopped for few seconds and then continued packing.

Ziva's eyes widened – his question wasn't something she had expected, "A lot of things happened, Tony". She remained calmly upset and was more eager to pack than to talk.

"Like?" Tony wanted to know.

Ziva looked at him and knew, that he wasn't gonna settle for an short answer, but she tried it anyway, "I do not have time for this".

"We have plenty of time. And either we will spend those hours here and at the airport and I will ask you these sorta questions or we go sightseeing and enjoy these last few hours in Columbia!" he suggested with a wide grin on his face.

Ziva shook her head, "Blackmailing".

"It always works the best." he shrugged and took Ziva's hand, "Let's go, lady. We have a lot to see!"

Before she could object, he was already dragging her out of the hotel.

* * *

**Hello, you all! Long time no see!  
**  
**Firstly, I would like to thank you all the reviews and stuff for my other fics! I have received them more than I ever thought I would!**  
**  
And now, it's time for a new story! I combined two fic ideas in my head and it got massive! So "Meant to be" might be the longest fic I've written so far! And some of the chapters might be longer and some of the shorter, just so you know. And the whole idea is really big and I am all the time trying to figure out a way to keep it together. And yeah, it starts from Columbia, like you might already guess.**  
**  
And one request for all of you who will even try to read this fic; keep an open mind. That is all I ask. Change your point of view sometimes and find new perspectives to read this story since I think that this has a lot of different ways to understand this. And just try to go with the flow.  
**

**Anyway, I am SO excited about this fic and I sincerely hope you will enjoy it too! And, well, here is the first chapter and more is coming soon ~**

**- L**


	2. Chapter 2

For few hours they drove around, visited landmarks and different sights. They ate delicious local food and Tony was glowing out of his excitement to tell everything he Googled from the internet to Ziva, who calmly listened to him and smiled at his enthusiasm.

The time flew by and an hour before heading to the airport, they stopped by drink a cup of coffee and a tea. Ziva sat on her chair, arms crossed to her chest and her facial expression was calmly blank.

Tony brought a cup of tea in front of her and placed his coffee on the table before sitting down. He gazed at Ziva and stopped for a few seconds, "What's wrong?" he asked.

Ziva fell back to reality from her thoughts. "What? Nothing is wrong. I am fine."

"You have the face," he said and tilted his head.

"What face?" Ziva asked.

"That I-want-to-go-back-to-hotel-I'm-terribly-bored -face," Tony said and watched how his partner's right eyebrow lifted, "It's the face you wear, when you are bored or you wanna do something else. You wear quite often and I picked it up from the very first time we watched Die Hard together."

Ziva smiled, "I am not having the face right now".

"Then what is it? Do you really wanna go back? We have an hour, it's not that long. So if you wanna leave, we can go," he suggested and was ready to stood up and go.

"No, no, no," she said quickly and told him to relax and sit back down, "I do not want to leave yet".

"Well, what is it then?" Tony asked.

"Nothing," she shrugged, "I am having a nice time. Is it so hard for you to believe?"

"Um?" he hesitated.

"Apparently it is," she rolled her eyes, "Tony... I am really having a nice time and I want to thank you for dragging me out here. This is the distraction I needed".

He smiled, "Really?"

"Yes," she smiled back, "Thank you".

"You are very welcome," Tony said and grinned, "You really need more fun in your life".

"I have plenty of fun, it is just that my fun is not your kind of fun," she said and sipped her tea.

Tony frowned, "Yeah, books aren't really my thing nor Sound of Music".

"It is a classic! I cannot believe you do not like it!" she laughed.

"Really? A huge family singing in some field or something? It isn't realistic!" Tony stood his ground.

Ziva lifted her eyebrows and grinned, "And Die Hard is?"

"Totally," he nodded and started telling how the movie was realistic.

"Waste of ammunition," she shrugged after he was done explaining.

Tony laughed, "And Sound of Musical is a waste of voice".

"Whatever, I still like it," Ziva said and sipped her tea again.

Tony went serious for a little while, it was like he was gathering courage, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," she allowed and finished her tea. Before he could object, she reached for his coffee and took a sip of it, "Uh, how do you drink it like that?" she frowned.

"Ziva," he said seriously.

She met his gaze and went just as serious. There was a part of her that was always afraid that when they'd be alone, he would start asking questions about the one thing she didn't want to talk about – Somalia. She was afraid that he was feeling bad for himself for not coming to rescue her sooner. It was like he never realized that it was more than enough that he actually came.

"Are you ever gonna let go of all this and get the ultimate American dream? I mean the white fences, pretty husband and few kids," he asked.

Something in Ziva's eyes softened and her gaze turned warmer, "I do not know. Why do you ask?"

"This case made me think about the dream, you know? The way Monique lives her life and already made her choices and is pretty much okay with it. It just makes me feel like I still have big choices left to make and I really want to make them before it's too late," he said and it seemed like he had put a lot of thought into this.

Ziva looked at him and couldn't figure out a reason, why he would he want to talk about this now and why would he even think about this. He was DiNozzo, there wasn't a way to stop him from living the dream, so why would he hesitate and think about this kind of stuff?

"There is time for everything, I think," she said, "I believe in that".

"I believe," his eyes studied her gaze intensively, "That my time to make a choice is coming right at me. I mean, the moment that I should make the decisions is right there and I feel like I'm too blind or something to see it, and then I'll miss it and this is what I will do for the rest of my life. Maybe I'll end up like Gibbs, in the basement with few bottles of bourbon".

"Then make a change," Ziva said and flashed a supporting smile, "It is necessary with this line of work. Who knows will we come back home every night?"

"How can I make a change just like that?" he asked, "Start quitting the bourbon?"

She let out a silent chuckle, "I do not know. I have started to see life in a different point of view since I was in -" the word Somalia got caught up in her throat. He wasn't one who brought it up, it was herself who did.

Tony looked away for few seconds, like to respect the emotions that the time as a captive brought up in Ziva, "I understand, but somehow I can't find a changing point in my life".

"Why don't you start today? Make a difference today," she suggested.

"Yeah, maybe," he said and seemed to think something furiously.

"Oh, hey," Ziva said and checked the time, "We have to go back. Finish your coffee".

Tony looked at the cup, "Seems like you did it for me".

"Oh, sorry," she frowned, "I will make it up to you some other time".

"I will keep that in mind," he said and stood up.

They walked out from the cafe place and into the street. There were few miles back to the hotel, but they decided to walk the way.

"Tony," Ziva suddenly stopped them both.

"What's wrong? Did you forget something?" he asked.

"No... I would just like to thank you for this all," she smiled, "It is like a vocation I have not had in a long time".

"Yeah, one without betraying boyfriends who ask you to marry them," he joked but once he saw the look on her face, that pain in her eyes, he stopped smiling, "Sorry".

"It is fine. That all has gone and passed and it is time to get over it," she said and cleared her throat, "But thank you, Tony. This has been nice".

"No problemo," he said and watched how she started walking again.

He had just found her pace again, which was rather quick, when he stopped them again, "Ziva, wait".

"What? Did _you _forget something?" she asked.

"Yeah, I did," he lowered his voice.

"What is it?" she was rather confused.

He took a little pause, looked into her dark eyes, felt the light breeze on his skin and the drumming of his heartbeat. Then he leaned over, placed his hands on her waist and pressed a gentle kiss against her lips. The kiss was long enough for him to taste the strange mixture of tea and coffee from her lips. Then he pulled back and took a deep breath.

She looked at him astonished and felt like she had lost all her thoughts and need to get back to packing. It was just that moment, just that kiss and the people that passed them on the street, giving them a either a little frown or a hint of a smile.

He smiled, "There. I remembered it".

"I – um," she struggled with her sudden loss of words.

"It's okay, you don't need to say anything".

"Good," she said and to his surprise, leaned back against him, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. He wrapped his arms around her and enjoyed the high of emotions, the feel of her and the sweet euphoria that came with the kiss.

It was like a firework show inside of them both – thousands of feelings bursting into even more feelings, inner connections were made and the years of waiting and hoping was finally over. It was a sincere and innocent high that one person could give to another and they were so into the moment that minutes seemed to pass them by. Arms were wrapping tighter, kisses came deeper and the feeling of how real it was hit hard.

Then she pushed him away.

"Ziva? What is it?" he asked and wore off the high.

"I... We have to get back to the hotel," she said quietly and started walking away from him.

Tony stood completely still, unsure of what the hell was going on. Few moments passed until he followed her, but never reached her until the hotel room.

* * *

**So, the sightseeing in Columbia was short but a lot of things happened anyway. How it'll all work out from now on? Wow, even I am excited and I am the one writing this fic, haha!**

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed :) xo**

**- L**


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey!" Tony ran after her and slammed their hotel room's door shut, "Ziva, listen to me!"

She kept ignoring him and returning on packing. Her hands shivered and she seemed extremely nervous.

"Ziva!" Tony yelled and grabbed her arm, "Look at me!"

She turned to him but didn't look him in the eye. Her eyes gazed at the floor and the walls, but not at him. She didn't want to speak, she wanted to leave this all behind and go back home.

"Ziva," he said more softly, "Look at. Tell me what is wrong".

She didn't say anything. She stood completely still and kept looking at everywhere else but him. She looked so uncomfortable, that he thought it was to best to let her go rather than force the answers out of her.

"Please," Tony asked, "Just look at me".

She finally met his gaze. The look in her eyes was confusingly empty and too blank to read what she was thinking about. A sudden desperation took over Tony. He didn't know what to do or how to ask her about what had just happened in the street.

"Ziva," he started.

"Stop saying my name!" she screamed suddenly and took a step away from him "Stop saying anything! Just... stop talking!"

Tony went silent and stopped moving. He just stared at her partner, who raised a hand to her forehead and looked like she was thinking her mind off.

"What happened... Out there... Was just a bad judgment, just a heat of a moment..."

"Oh there was definitely heat," Tony rolled his eyes and joked about it childishly.

"Shut up, DiNozzo," she hissed.

Tony went silent again. He didn't know how to approach this situation.

"What just happened, was... It was a stupid mistake, it should have never happened," she said with a shivering voice. She felt like she had been pushed into a corner with no way out.

"I just want to know what exactly happened, why did you -"

"No! I do not want to talk about it ever again!" she turned around and started packing again. She wasn't that careful anymore. She was nervous and wanted to run away from him and this situation. If only she could do that, everything would be easier, but what they did was something they couldn't undone and now they were going to face the consequences from their heat of the moment. And it was not going to be pretty.

"Well, I'll go packing too. And then I'll meet you at the airport later," Tony said quietly and left the room to go pack his few things.

When he went to his own room, Ziva sit down at the edge of her bed and let out a deep sigh. Her head was a mess. In one second, during the kiss, everything seemed to change. How can feelings change so fast? That never happened when they first kissed, all thought that was an undercover kiss, but a kiss never the less.

She heard Tony zipping his bags, so she stood up and tried to look as natural and busy as possible, when he walked past her and out the door. When he was gone, she turned to look at the closed door and sighed. What the hell were they going to do about all this?

* * *

The flight home couldn't have been more silent and awkward. Tony sat in front of Ziva, who hadn't spoken to him once since they took off. She kept avoiding his gaze and did a pretty good job at it. Ziva didn't even try to make a conversation, she preferred extremely awkward silence.

One of the crew members kept looking them. He was baffled and thought, why didn't they talk to each other. He just gazed at them and tried to read their thoughts. He kept wondering what the hell they had done to each other to make everything this awkward?

Tony noticed how the crew member kept looking at him and Ziva, so he nudged his head, as sign as of telling him to leave. The man nodded, stood up and left.

Ziva watched the crew man leaving and took a quick look at Tony. She shivered when she noticed that he was already looking at her. His green eyes were piercing through her.

"We need to talk," Tony said with a low voice.

She didn't reply and turned her head away. She was back at gazing at the walls of the plane.

"Ziva," he said patiently, "This is getting ridiculous".

She still didn't say anything.

"Can't you just look at me?" he said and snapped his fingers, "I'm right here, you don't have to look at the walls".

"Ziva, please," Tony sounded more like he was begging than asking. He was desperate for an answer and it showed.

"Can you just -" she finally said something, "Can you just please stop talking? And I will explain this all to you one more time".

"Finally!" Tony rolled his eyes.

"What we did... was a mistake. It should have never happened. I am sorry if I confused you in anyway, that was not my intention. So, if you do not mind, I would like to leave this all behind and never talk about it again," she said with an icy voice. She had obviously made her mind and it wasn't easy to change it back anymore.

Tony went silent. He had lost all his words because of what she had just said. He lowered his gaze to his hands and watched them tremble a little bit. He cleared his throat and felt like he should stand up and walk around a little while or something like that, because maybe it would clear his head.

Ziva noticed that she had finally silenced him, so she leaned back on her seat, moved her gaze away from him and concentrated on the one clear thought she had in her mind; _breathe_.

* * *

**There is a reason why I wrote on the first chapter (the A/N in the end) that I wanted you guys to keep an open mind! So don't judge Ziva if you think she's being too cruel, step into her boots and try to find a new perspective - or just wait of what's going to happen. I am not, of course, trying to tell you how to understand my fic, I just thought I'd guide a little!**

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed! xo**

**- L**


	4. Chapter 4

After two weeks of momentary uncomfortable silence, long-lasting looks of questions and uncertainty, the team was finally handling a new case - a murder of a middle-aged man who was a retired gunnery sergeant.

Due to the long hours of paperwork, McGee and Ziva didn't have time to catch up before, so he thought that now, because of the new case, she'd finally have the time to talk about her time in Columbia.

"Ziva, how was the trip? And the food? I heard you two went eating few times," McGee asked and leaned against Ziva's desk. She didn't mind, in fact, it looked like she didn't even notice him.

McGee furrowed his brows, "Ziva?" he said and snapped his fingers, "Ziva!"

"Huh? What?" she dropped back to reality.

McGee smiled, "I was just asking how was the trip?"

"It was fine, McNosy, stop bothering her," Tony opened his mouth before Ziva did.

"Why?" McGee shrugged, "I just asked how was the trip. Was it really that bad?"

"No, no, McGee," Ziva opened her mouth before Tony now. She noticed how he watched her - every little move she made was carefully observed by him.

Carefully, she gazed at McGee, "The trip was fine. I am just a little tired, that is all".

"Oh, well I was gonna get coffee just now. I can get you a cup, if you like?" he ask and smiled widely.

"Thank you, that would be nice," she said and watched him leave. She had said yes partly because he wanted him to leave and stop asking all these questions and partly because she really was tired and wanted coffee.

After McGee was gone, Tony looked around him and stood up. Absentmindedly he walked to Ziva's desk and sat on the edge of it. He studied the expression on her face, which was shakily focused on her work. She was tapping the keyboard nervously.

"Hey," he said carefully. He knew that she didn't want to talk about what happened but he was still going to try.

"Can you listen to me?" Tony asked and poked Ziva's shoulder with his index finger.

She quickly turned her gaze to the finger that poked her and then she lifted her brown eyes to meet his. The look she was wearing was oddly innocent. Her brown eyes were just looking right through him.

He furrowed his brows, fiercely tried to find a spark of excitement in her eyes, but all he could see was a blank expression – and it made him speechless.

"No," she said after a moment of silence, then she stood up, took few files from the desk and headed to the elevator. She pressed the button and waited impatiently for it to arrive.

"Hey, wait!" he shook his head and ran after her.

Ziva had just stepped into the elevator when Tony reached her. He jumped in just before the doors closed. He caught his breath and heard how she sighed loudly.

"Okay, we're gonna talk now, whether you like it or not. I need clearance and I need it from you," he said and watched how she leaned against the opposite wall.

"So, what we did back there, it was a heat of the moment and maybe a mistake, but I want to know that, if you are so sure that it was a stupid thing to do," he took a pause and looked her in the eye, "Why did you kiss me back?"

Ziva froze for a moment. Her gaze didn't wander the walls anymore, they looked straight at him. She stood completely still and just stared at him and Tony stared back. He was determined to get an answer from her. He didn't want to be ignored and tossed aside – or to be hurt again by her cold words. He just wanted the honest and bare truth.

"I -" Ziva managed to say before she noticed that the elevator had reached the ending of it's ride and she was supposed to get off from it. She looked at the opening doors, the brief freedom of escaping and then him, a man who was staring hard at her and demanding answers.

She chose the brief freedom and stepped out of the elevator.

Tony tried to stop her but couldn't; the elevator doors closed and he got left inside. He could have opened the door, but what was the use of that? She would have ran away, hid somewhere he couldn't find her at that moment.

He kicked the wall, cursed and pushed the button that took him back to the squad room.

* * *

"Abby?" Ziva walked around the lab. She had something that she needed to get from the forensic scientist, but couldn't remember what it was anymore – the elevator ride with Tony had confused all her thoughts.

"Ziva?" Abby asked and lifted from body up from the floor.

Ziva furrowed her eyebrows, "What were you doing? Am I interrupting?"

"Oh, not at all!" she smiled, "I was just doing a little yoga! And waiting for the one of you to get down here because I have a test result from the blood you found".

"Yoga?" Ziva asked, "Is that a idioms?"

"No, it isn't! It's a form of exorcise, I think," she frowned, "You sorta like bend your body and calm yourself and get into this deeper state of mind".

"And you are doing that, why?" Ziva asked, because she wasn't sure how someone like Abby needed calming down, since she was never calm.

"Because I wanted to try something new!" she chirped and walked to her computer, "And it helps me focus. At least on this one," she said and pointed at the screen, "You see that? That's a fingerprint from the crime scene you went before you left to Columbia. And see this?" her hand moved the mouse from one sample to another, "This is a crime scene you went today. And the fingerprint matched".

Ziva looked at the screen and then Abby, "So the cases are connected?"

"Yep, they are. And the blood sample I took, it belongs to this guy," Abby said and a picture of a driver's license with a balding, middle-aged man in it popped up, "Meet Harold Monroe. He's blood was at the crime scene you went today. But he's not the guy you are looking for, he's the one in autopsy," she said and pressed 'print' from the keyboard to print out all this information for Gibbs, who was more fan of paper than electronic material.

"You have anything about the murderer?" Ziva asked and bit her lip.

"I do," Abby smiled and showed Ziva a picture, "I have this".

"A shoe print?" she asked and lifted her eyebrow, "That is all?"

"Ziva, Ziva, my Israeli friend," Abby said, "You have no idea, how much just one shoe print can give you. For example -"

"I would love to hear about it, Abby, but I need to go," she smiled and took the papers from the printer.

"Hey," Abby went a little more serious, "Are you okay?"

Ziva stopped and smiled briefly, "I am fine".

"That doesn't necessarily mean that you are okay," Abby knew and sat down to a chair next to her. Her eyes were warm and friendly. She was always ready to help a friend in need and Ziva was always surprised of just how kind heart she actually had.

Ziva ran her free hand through her hair and sighed deeply, "Look... I have a lot to think about right now. I am handling it on my way".

"But you don't have to do it all by yourself, Ziva. Sometimes talking helps," Abby said and patted the table next to her, "Sit here and tell me, what's troubling you. I can listen, even if I can't help you in anyway".

Ziva hesitated a little while, before sitting down on the edge of the table. She didn't know Abby that well. She had had her arguments with her, but those were understandable, since she was new back then and Abby didn't like her family at work to change or a stranger replacing her dead friend's job. After the time she was in Somalia and the moment she stepped out of the elevator and was back where she belonged and felt Abby's arms around her, she realized just how much Abby cared – and all those arguments that they had or would have in the future wouldn't mean that much, because she was always going to welcome her back home. Ziva was part of the family.

"I, um -" she didn't know how to start this kind of conversation, since she didn't have them that often.

"Something happened in Columbia, didn't it?" Abby guessed right.

Ziva nodded and went silent for few seconds, "Have you ever made a mistake that felt right and wrong at the same time?"

"Oh, have I? Like millions of times! I could tell you so many stories, but that's not important now, so please continue," Abby said and smiled.

"Tell me, how did you get over it?" Ziva asked.

"What do you need to get over from, tell me that first," Abby asked.

"I um... I did something at Columbia, that might have changed my... uh... relationship with one person," Ziva said nervously.

Abby looked at her for a little while before saying anything, "It's him, isn't it? Tony?" she guessed. And when she saw that surprised and confused look on Ziva's face, she knew she got it right.

"What? How did you -?" Ziva stuttered.

Abby shrugged, "It's pretty obvious. I mean, you look like a couple, act like a couple, talk like a couple, but the difference is, that you aren't a couple. And I guessed that it was him, since all that you two have been through. I mean, he came to get you from Africa, remember?" Abby asked and created a painful flashback in Ziva's mind.

Of course she remembered, how could she forget? How could she ever let the image of him, covered in dust and dirt, looking at her with wishful eyes and asking can she fight, go? It was impossible. How could she forget the feeling she had? She was going to be saved, she would return back home... She wouldn't die after all. Those weren't the kind of feelings that would fade away over time, those were the kind of feelings that last for a lifetime.

"And I always thought it wasn't just a friend- or a partnership that took him there. If it would have been partnership, he would have accepted that you were back in Mossad and tried to have accepted that. And if it was friendship, he would have kept on calling or something, not coming to get you back from miles away. And plus, I just thought that he came with you to Columbia and maybe you might have spent alone time with him or something. You tell me, what was the reason I guessed it was Tony".

Ziva looked away for a moment, she was really surprised that Abby had guessed right and the amount of reasons she had that he would be the person she was talking about.

"Hey, it's not a bad thing that you two had sex!" the happy goth said after seeing how silent she went.

Ziva's eyes widened and she jumped from the table, "What? Wait! Abby, no! We did not sleep together!" she corrected.

"Oh," Abby looked surprised, "Well, what did you do then?" she asked and furrowed her brows.

Ziva leaned against the table and took a deep breath, "We, um -"

"Kissed?" Abby guessed again.

"Are you ever going to let me finish?" Ziva asked impatiently.

Abby nodded, "Sure, but just so you know, kissing doesn't necessarily mean a thing. I mean, friends can do it. You and I can do it and it wouldn't mean a thing. You and Gibbs could do it and it wouldn't mean a thing," she said and then went suddenly serious, it was like she was thinking something very deep.

"What is it?" Ziva asked. She was concerned that she might have made some strange theory of how Ziva and Tony should now elope or something.

"It's just that... It's you and Tony. I mean, you two are like, um, like," Abby tried to find the correct word.

"Co-workers? Partners? Friends?" Ziva suggested, but Abby kept shaking her head until she found the correct term for Tony and Ziva.

"Three words, make your guess," she chirped like an excited child who was about to open her Christmas presents.

"Abby, I do not have time for this," Ziva sighed but seeing the look on her face, she decided to give it a shot, "Fine. Um," she thought for few seconds, "Partners in crime? We fear Gibbs? Uh, I am out of ideas".

Abby smiled that bright smile she always smiled, "Meant to be".

Something in Ziva's eyes changed, her gaze turned warmer and a coy smile took over her lips, "Really?"

"Yeah! You guys have always had that... spark! So you are meant to be!" Abby said and jumped up and down, "Oh God, I wish you two would already get together and get married! I'd be your bridesmaid since I was the first one to realize you two were meant to be!"

"Abby, I think you are going a little bit ahead of yourself - and me and Tony," Ziva said and took Abby's hands on hers, "But thank you, for listening. It means a lot to me, Abby".

"You're welcome," she said and before Ziva could do anything, Abby wrapped her arms around her. The hug felt comforting and understanding.

"I have to go now," Ziva said and parted from Abby, "But thank you".

"My pleasure," Abby chirped and just before Ziva was gone, she turned around and stopped her, "Hey, wait!"

Ziva came back to the doorway and smiled, "Yes?"

"We should do this more often," Abby said carefully, "I mean, just talk... We don't spend that much time together, so I just thought I'd be nice to do so".

Ziva smiled at the idea, "I would love that".

"You would?" Abby jumped up and down and smiled brightly.

"Yes, of course!" Ziva swore and looked at the clock on the wall, "I really need to go now".

"Bye!" Abby waved and heard how the elevator let out a small 'ding'.

* * *

Ziva walked back to the squad room with the papers in her arms. She walked to her desk, placed the files on the table and sat on the chair. As she logged back into her computer she noticed a paper cup of coffee on the table.

"That's for you," McGee said to her and smiled as he walked to her desk.

"Thank you," Ziva smiled back.

"I'll go home now, it's starting to get late already," he said and smiled one more time before heading towards the elevator.

When Tony heard the sound of the elevator doors opening, he lifted his gaze from the GSM magazine he was reading. Carefully, his green eyes studied Ziva and her every move – how she sipped her coffee and let out a little hum, how she typed something on the computer and how her eyes moved rapidly with each click of the mouse.

Ziva felt like she was being watched and it made her concentration difficult, "What?" she asked but didn't take her gaze away from the computer screen.

"What? I didn't say anything," Tony shrugged.

"Then why are you staring at me?" she asked and still kept on typing.

Tony was going to argue but knew that she was going to win anyway, so he didn't want to even start, "Sorry," he muttered and turned a new page of his GSM magazine.

"Do you want to say something?" Ziva asked.

Tony lowered the magazine down and gazed at her, "And now you are suddenly willing to talk?" he asked and Ziva could hear the sarcasm in his voice.

"It is a no, then," she said and still kept on typing.

After a little moment of silence, Tony stood up and walked to her desk, which made Ziva slowly lift her gaze from the screen to her partner. She looked at the oddly sincere and calm expression on his face.

"What?" Ziva finally asked and straightened her back.

"I need to know," Tony sighed and scratched his head, he seemed nervous and rather awkward, "I need to know did you feel it too?"

"Did I feel what excatly?" Ziva asked.

"When we – What we did in Columbia... Did you feel it too? I mean the... Connection? Or the sudden heat? Like it was the right thing to do?" he asked and she noticed how hard he was to find the right words to say.

"Right thing?" Ziva seemed confused.

"Yeah, like it was... meant to be," he finally said and saw how something flashed in Ziva's eyes – like a moment or a memory.

Ziva went dead serious, "What?"

"You know?" Tony frowned because he couldn't believe that Ziva wouldn't know what he meant, "A thing that you feel like doing because it feels... right? I don't know how to explain it. You don't really get it?"

"Why would you say that kind of thing?" she stood up and took her back backpack.

"Hey! What...? Where are you going? What just happened?" he asked because he couldn't figure out a reason why she was this upset.

"Hey, Ziva, come on! Tell me, what did I do?" he asked and grabbed her arm, forcing her not to leave.

Ziva looked at his hand on her arm and then at him, "I, um -" she tried to find the right words but found herself speechless when she looked at him and tried to read all the endless questions from his eyes

"What? Tell me," he asked.

Ziva's gaze found a new state of confusion and her voice started to shake, "I talked to Abby. She asked was something okay and I implied vaguely that I made a mistake that felt both right and wrong, and then she -"

"Hahaa! I knew it! You felt it too!" Tony interrupted her to make a point of his own.

"Yes, but that is not the point," she said.

"Then what is it? Why have you been so upset? And why are you leaving now?" Tony asked and was desperately trying to get an answer that would satisfy him.

"I was upset because I was confused. I was conflicted about how I felt. I dd not understand how a moment like that could be so right and so wrong at the same time and how I did not regret it after all. But that is not the reason now, but the reason now is that Abby guessed it was you. She guessed it was you I was doing something with. And she said there is a reason of all this," Ziva looked deep into Tony's eyes as she felt her own turning glassy.

"She said that the reason you came to get me back from Somalia and all the rest before and after it, is something more than friendship or partnership," she confessed, "She said it has always been more than just that. And when she thought about us, about you and me, she came up with the words you just said".

"Which one of them?" Tony asked and sounded more surprised than he actually thought himself, he was not expecting her to throw so much information at him all at once.

Ziva's voice shook and she couldn't control it, "Meant to be".

Tony froze for a second because of the impact of her words. When he had said those three words they barely meant anything because they seemed to be part of the sentence but when she said it, she seem to find something deeper and something more to every one of the letters and he didn't want to admit it, but yes, he was starting to get a little bit scared. Suddenly all these overwhelming feelings were surrounding him and Ziva. Suddenly he was supposed to make sense of all this - but, what was this after all? Maybe that was something to be found from the past years and between him and the woman standing right in front of him.

"I am not upset because of the kiss," Ziva said and looked down before meeting his gaze again, "I am upset because I do not know if what Abby is saying the truth. You tell me," she said and started walking away from him.

He was still frozen, still looking in front of him without a hint of an idea to stop her and tell her, that he didn't know was it the truth. No, he just stood there and tried to find a thought from his head that would make any sense.

"Tony?" Abby walked into the squad room and saw him staring at something in front of him, "How long have you been standing there?" she asked but he didn't reply, barely even blinked, "Tony!" she raised her voice.

Finally he turned his head and his confused and thoughtful eyes to look at her, "What?"

"Why are you standing there?" Abby asked and flashed her bright, enthusiastic smile.

"Uh, no reason," Tony cleared his throat and walked back to his desk.

Abby noticed the paper that Ziva took still being on her desk, so she took them and placed them on Tony's desk, "You can deal with these then, because apparently Ziva's not here anymore".

Tony looked at the files and frowned, "Yeah, she just left".

"Where?" Abby asked and placed few new papers she carried on to the stack of files.

"Uh, home, I think," Tony guessed and quickly gazed what the files where all about. He noticed that two cases were linked and that Gibbs was not going to be happy about these news.

Abby let out a sigh, which made Tony lift his gaze to meet her eyes and ask why was she sighing.

"You talked to her, huh?" she asked.

Tony straightened his back a little bit and cleared his throat, "For a woman who was giving me some sort of a silent treatment, she really did a lot of talking and said things to me that were apparently your original ideas," he said and the small level of sarcasm was clearly detectible from his voice.

"Oh yeah, um," she said and thought about what she had said and was it right or wrong, but whatever it was, it had apparently torn Tony and Ziva a little bit more apart, "That was just what I thought. It was my opinion and I thought Ziva wouldn't take it so seriously".

"Well she did. She got all freaked out about being meant to be and then she asked me were you speaking the truth and then she just left," Tony explained and noticed that if someone would ask him again was what Abby said the truth from his point of view, he wouldn't have an answer.

"I'm sorry," Abby said and looked like she had committed a crime and was going to put in jail.

Tony noticed this and shook his head lightly, "No, I'm sorry, you didn't mean any harm".

Abby flashed a supporting smile, "I shouldn't have said anything. I really am sorry, but hey, looked at the bright side!"

"What is that?" Tony asked and raised his right eyebrow.

"At least now she knows," Abby said and left the squad room and made Tony speechless.

"Oh, hey! Tony! You might wanna read the files through before Gibbs comes back from the field! You know how he gets if one of you haven't done your research properly," Abby yelled and disappeared behind the corner.

Tony sighed and took one of the files in his hand. He started to read the text but his concentration didn't want to do the same, it kept of swinging from Abby's words to Ziva's words. The text started to blur to nonsense and he had had enough of it.

Tony stood up and grabbed his keys and walked to the elevators. Impatiently he waited for the elevator doors to open up. He stepped in and pressed to button to get him to the level that would have and exit out of this building.

He had unfinished business, unfinished feelings and untold words to be dealt with.

* * *

**This is quite long-ish chapter, if I may say so, but there's something in this that I like a lot. Writing Abby is one of my favorite things, by the way! It's always such a joy! And as I have said before, keep an open mind, when you read this story.**  
**Anyway, thank you for the reviews I have already received! They are always making me smile. And well, see you in next chapter! xo**

**- L**


	5. Chapter 5

After a bottle of wine and reading half of the trashy novel, Ziva had finally fallen asleep. She was blissfully dreaming until the knocking on the door woke her up. She stood up, stretched her back and walked to open the door.

Ziva wished she was dreaming when she opened the door and saw who was behind it.

"Yes, it might be," Tony said and leaned against the door frame.

"What are you talking about?" Ziva asked and sounded tired.

"You know what I'm talking about," he said and ran his hand through his hair, "I'm talking about what Abby said – no, what you said – no, wait... It doesn't matter who said it! What does matter is that yeah, it might be true! There might have been a little more behind everything than just partnership or friendship. I just don't know what it is," he shook his head and thought about what it honestly could be.

Tony remembered how it felt when Ziva poured her anger on him, he remembered how it felt to lie on the cold concrete and felt her gun pressed against his chest. He remembered the rage in her eyes and how she refused to say, how she had actually felt towards the man Tony had just shot. He remembered how he felt when he saw the beaten up, broken, hopeless Ziva in the Horn of Africa. She was bruised up and God only knows what else been through, but she was alive – she was breathing and looking into his eyes, asking what was he was doing there. Ziva was asking about the plan and he was relieved that she was alive. It was all that mattered, that the woman who had accused him of killing the man she had obviously loved, was alive and breathing – and coming back home. The plan worked and it lead him and her into the bathroom. Her words were burned into his mind, "_That you have always had my back,_" she had said back then. She was so sorry for ever doubting him. She looked so sincere and bare standing in front of him and saying that it's she who is sorry and then – then she reached the gap between them and kissed his cheek. When she pulled back and showed him a hint of a smile, he felt something turning inside of his mind and heart. Tony was one step closer to Ziva. He was one step closer to her heart, to her strong and fragile being and her everything. He was one step closer than anybody else.

Ziva studied him carefully, she watched how his gaze lifted from the ground to her eyes, looking at her sincerely and honestly.

"Don't you have anything to say?" he asked.

"Okay," she said and took a deep breath, "Okay".

"That's it?" he asked and frowned.

"What else is there to say?" Ziva asked and crossed her arms to her chest. She wasn't angry, she wasn't upset, she was completely calm and tired.

"I don't know, but you could start with saying that you are no longer giving me the silent treatment and... something else," he said and shrugged, "I just wanna go back to where we were, even though I don't regret the kisses, in fact, I thought they were quite good".

"Tony," she started slowly, "I cannot just forget all this".

"Why?" he asked, because he didn't understand what was so hard about forgetting good kisses.

"Because it was not just the kisses," she said and sighed, "We both knew, that if this all would be just about those kisses it would be easier to forget".

Tony looked at Ziva and shook his head, ""What are you trying to say?"

"I am sorry," she looked at him and felt her eyes turning more and more glassy. She was too tired to deal with this right now and she just wanted to be alone.

"Why are you sorry?" he asked.

Ziva didn't reply, she started to slowly close the door till she didn't see him anymore. She closed the door shut and then turned around. She was going to go back to the couch and continue reading but something stopped her and suddenly it all hit her - she had just turned down a man who basically said he was more than just her friend.

Tony was the same man, who she had forgiven, who she trusted and who was her friend and now it was all turning upside down. He said it was true - what Abby had thought was true, at least some of it – and she was turning it down. She had closed the door to the man who was offering her more.

Outside the door, Tony ran his hand across his face. He admitted to himself that it wasn't the most brightest plan to show up on her door and say stuff like that. He must admitted to himself that the welcome he had gotten from her was not what he had expected – he thought she would invite him in and have talk with him, however closing the door to his face was not part of his thoughts, but now it certainly was.

He leaned against the rough, concrete wall and lowered himself to sit down on the ground. He was out of ideas – maybe he could knock on the door, but what would he say to her? Maybe he could go home and forget his ever happened, but that was highly unlikely? Maybe he could -

The door opening up a little bit cut his train of thoughts. Slowly he stood up and before he knew, his eyes were meeting the dark, confused eyes of the woman who was standing other side of the door.

A moment went by, another one too and not a word was said. Tony could feel the tension and Ziva didn't know what to do.

"I -" she started but couldn't get any further, when Tony stepped into her apartment, closed the door and cupped her face with one hand and let the other wrap around her waist.

"Couldn't agree more," he said and pressed his mouth against hers. The kiss was hard, demanding and looking for the lost sensation. He took a pause, cupped her face with both of his hands and gave her another, deeper kiss. He desperately searched for the feeling they had in Columbia, he searched it harder than the purpose of his own life.

Ziva almost started crying – not because she didn't like the kiss, but because it felt, once again, so right and so wrong. She felt how Tony pushed her against the wall and opened the silky rope she was wearing. She felt his hands on her bare skin, searching for places that would make her gasp for air. She felt how he was looking for something that would break all the lines between them.

"Tony," she said slowly and he stopped his actions – hands stopped wondering and lips formed a straight and narrow line.

"I do not know, what this -" she said but was once again cut off.

"But I do! I want you right here and right now, I know this is wrong and Gibbs will kill us and this might be the biggest mistake we will ever make, but I can't forget what Abby said and I don't wanna forget how you -" his voice trailed off and he looked down on the floor.

"How I, what?" Ziva asked and lifted his chin with her fingers.

"How you taste and how you feel," he said and saw how her eyes widened and lips parted a little more, "We've been waiting for years, I don't know was it because of this or something else, but let's just," he took a moment to catch his shaking breath, "Let's just even once more be meant to be".

Ziva felt like her had had been touched by a feeling she didn't recognize fully. Her breathing became harder and her eyes turned glassy. Who would have thought? The class clown, the ladies man, the man who was afraid of any kind of commitment, would stand in front of her, sliding his hands, his fingertips, on her skin and crashing his lips together with hers?

"But -" she still tried to resist, even though she wasn't sure why.

"But, what? Can't we just be together for a little while? I am not a big fan of these kinda things, believe me. I rather plan and proceed, I don't show up at women's door at 12 pm, saying that they might be more than just my friends! I don't do this! I don't normally do any of this stuff! But I am doing it for you right now, so can you just zip it up and enjoy?" Tony said with a frustrated tone on his voice.

It was like a piece from a puzzle had fallen into place, when something clicked on her mind. She suddenly saw him in a different light. She had suddenly seen a side of him that she rarely saw and it had impressed her and made her feel something more. She saw the way he was looking at her and by know, she knew what would drive him crazy and she decided that if they would allow this to happen, if they would break the rules for once, she would take all the time she'd need. They would take everything that being 'meant to be' had to offer them.

The corners of Ziva's mouth turned into a smile and she took him by the hand and lead him to the couch, "Why do you want to rush then?" she asked and sat next to him.

He didn't know how to reply, the situation seemed to change from passion to a some sort of a weird sleepover. He opened his mouth but nothing came out, so he just stared at Ziva – studied her face, eyes, mouth and once or twice his gaze dropped from her jaw line down on her chest. His greedy eyes kept looking at the skin that the robe didn't cover.

She smiled when she noticed what he was looking at, "Well, you are a DiNozzo after all," she pointed out as an answer to her own question and Tony could swear that she was flirting with him. He could feel her every word on his skin and it made it turn into goosebumps. She was just as amazing as he thought she was – as he _knew _she was.

"I have a reputation to protect," he finally managed to say and before he could realize it himself, he had his arms wrapped around her and she was lying down on the couch.

"I have heard that before," she chuckled and pulled him closer to show him what kind of a kiss she could give to him. She made his world spun around. His thoughts blurred into one and it screamed Ziva's name. All his will power was concentrating on her and the feeling of having his partner, his friend beneath him. It was a little bit scary, but it still felt right – _she _felt so right for him.

"Come on, get up," he said and pulled her up. He lifted her on his arms and she automatically wrapped her legs around his waist. As he was leading them to the bedroom and placing wet kisses on her chest and neck, she ran her hands in his hair and pressed fully against him.

Tony carefully dropped her on the bed and how he absolutely loved the ideal of being meant to be with her – multiple times. He came on top of her and undressed her slowly. He admired every inch of her bare skin and he ran his fingers on it – and then suddenly stopped.

Ziva was enjoying herself and when she didn't feel the touch of his fingers, she lifted her head up to see what he was doing.

Tony was looking at her toned stomach and the expression on his face had changed from passionate to worried. Slowly, he raised his hand and pointed his index finger to trace a slightly pink scar on her skin.

She swallowed hard when she felt his touch. She shivered to the memory. She squeezed her eyes shut - it was like she wanted to replace her current thoughts with something else and when she opened them again, she saw how he was looking at her.

And she felt bare.

She was naked under him, but that wasn't what was making her fully bare – it was him, noticing the reminders of her past, tracing them with his finger and looking at her like so innocently and feeling sorry.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked, because suddenly the rush of what they were doing hit him and he'd rather walk out now than regret later.

"No," she shook her head lightly, "But I still want to do this," she said and saw how he lowered his head again and traced her scars with his fingertips and then kissed them. Every single one of the reminders on her skin that was placed on her stomach, he kissed them and something inside of her shuttered. It wasn't passion that shook her; it was his actions, his caring, the way he grazed her past and painful memories and just how much he cherished that she was alive.

After he had placed few kisses on her stomach, she dragged him closer to herself. She sank into his kiss and silenced the voice inside of her head that was screaming what a mistake this might be.

And Tony gave into his nature, his mind and his will. Slowly they both noticed being completely naked and moving to the ancient, blissful motion that made them both feel fulfilled. She scratched his back and left reddish marks behind her and he kissed her neck and listened how her moaning was the most amazing sound he had heard in a long while.

After the heat of several moments, they collapsed and gave in to the sweet euphoria, it was a symphony of satisfaction and lust, passion and the feeling that they couldn't name yet. They felt exhausted and decided that it was better to sleep than to unravel this all now.

* * *

**So, that was one hell of a twist, right? I like this chapter, not because of the sex, but because of the emotions.**  
**Anyway, hope you enjoyed, see you in the next chapter xo**

**- L**


	6. Chapter 6

The morning light hit them hard like the reality of their situation. Last night's flashbacks came rushing back – the panting, the pleasure, all the highs and the two naked bodies wrapped around each others.

Ziva woke up a little bit earlier than Tony. She found her silky rope, ruffled her hair and walked to the kitchen.

Tony woke up few seconds after her, yawned in the silence, picked up his boxers and followed Ziva. He sat on the kitchen chair and watched how she made coffee and took two mugs from the top shelf. She placed them on the counter and stopped. She would rather wait for the coffee to slowly drip into the pan than turn around and face him.

Tony didn't know what to do, even though he once shamefully seemed to be a king of one-night stands, he never admit just how much he could hate the morning afters. He sat in the awkward silence and studied even her tiniest actions carefully.

Carefully he stood up and walked behind her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and gave her neck a gentle kiss. He slid his hands underneath her rope and let his fingertips touch her skin.

"Tony," she said and felt herself shivering under his touch.

"Ziva," he said back and gave her neck another kiss.

"I have to -" she said and lifted the pan with her hand.

"Oh, yeah. Go ahead," he let her go and she poured the hot liquid into the mugs. Then she placed them on the kitchen table and sat on one of the chairs.

Tony looked disappointed to see Ziva not even wanna come near to his embrace, but this wasn't exactly the time to debate with her and he knew that there wasn't a way to get the ex-assassin to just jump into his lap voluntarily and tell him how the world was such a better place after few rounds of sex.

"So, what now?" he asked and tried to smile bravely.

Ziva lifted her gaze from her coffee mug, "I do not know".

"Do you want me to go home?" he asked and sipped his coffee.

"If you want to go, then go. I am not holding you back," she shrugged.

His smile faded to more serious expression, "Do you want me to stay?"

"It is your decision, I cannot make it for you," she said.

"You're not getting the idea, Ziva. I am asking your -" he was interrupted by a ringing phone, "DiNozzo," he answered.

Ziva noticed how his posture got suddenly more straighter and he became a little more professional - well as professional as he can be in a pair of boxer and hair in a seriously ruffed condition.

"Gibbs?" she guessed and he nodded.

"We got a lead," he said and carefully watched what she was going to do next - like she was a teacher and he was a student, mimicking what a grown-up did and then do the same himself. So when she poured the coffee down from the drain, he did the same and followed her back to the bedroom to get dressed.

And all in a complete silence.

Tony watched her from the corner of his eye. He studied how she transformed from a passionate creature who had very healthy lungs, into a professional woman with strong focus and sense of control. He could believe that the woman from last night and the one standing before him now with a braided hair falling down on her back were the same person.

"Are you ready?" Ziva asked and broke his attention.

"What?" he was baffled.

"Can we go?" she asked and pointed her finger to the front door's direction.

"I just gotta wash my face and then we can go, but if you wanna go first I can just go to the bathroom and then catch you up," he said and opened the bathroom door.

"It is okay, go ahead, I will wait," she said and sat on the edge of the bed.

He looked her for a few seconds before closing the door and slowly dragging himself in front of the mirror. He looked at himself and it wasn't shame that he was seeing, it was a middle-aged man without a plan or a purpose.

Tony's mind kept on replaying the scenes from the previous night and he tried to feel all the feelings over and over again. He remembered how she felt underneath him, how she smelled, how she scratched his back and how it felt being inside of her, being so overwhelmed by her everything.

He washed his face with cold water, he tried to wash away the agonizing guilt. He felt horrible for not knowing what to do. He wanted everything to be normal again, no matter what had happened, but he guessed the words he had heard before were true after all; sex changes everything – or was it the sex that was changing it after all? Were it the words from Abby, from Ziva and the ones inside of his head that were changing this all? Abby wasn't far away from the truth, that was sure and Ziva had understood her right and his head was screaming at him – screaming to tell her what he really felt, but that was another question. What he really felt was a long time enigma that no one had managed to figure out. His commitment issues might have come from childhood - all those people saying 'like father like son' did get a hold on him. And all the women in his life that had gone, hurt him and never came back, those were yet another reason but not the main one. What was it then? Was it a well covered fragile heart? Or some painful mistake he never wanted to repeat again? Maybe it was problems that he had to solve in this situation were all of them and the next on the never-ending list was Ziva.

She was sitting on the edge of the bed, counting down minutes and seconds, then she stood up, gazed behind her and started walking through the living room, across the kitchen and to the front door. She placed her hand on the handle and carefully opened the door and just like that she was gone.

After few minutes Tony came back from the bathroom only to see an empty bedroom filled with Ziva's smell, messy sheets and the morning light.

He ran his hands across his face and sat on the edge of the bed, where she had been just a moment ago. He ran his fingertips on the satin, Israeli sheets and smiled to himself and the memory of how much fun they had had last night. He missed the moments, when he had forgetten the enormous emotional load of feelings that was hunting him and waiting for a fragile moment to pour it all to him and complicate everything.

Tony lied down on the bed and smelled her everywhere. He loved the smell more than he could admit - it was feminine but not that feminine, it was flowery and a little bit fruity too.

As he was daydreaming, his phone rang again and he knew what to answer, "I'll be right there".

* * *

Ziva's gaze was cold when it met Tony's on the crime scene. The space surrounding them was filled with unkind tension. Everything that had happened last night was like an empty memory that was about to be wiped away.

"Shoot and sketch, DiNozzo," Gibbs ordered and pointed at the body of a young female Petty Officer who was apparently suffocated to death, which was Ducky's pulmonary finding.

"Ziva, take photos," the boss said and pointed at the marks on the ground. Ziva nodded and started working.

Tony, however, wasn't that focused on what he was supposed to do. He kept on gazing at Ziva instead of the dead body. When Gibbs noticed this he came behind his senior field agent and smacked him on the back of his head.

"Sketch and shoot, I said!" Gibbs barked and finally got the response he wanted when Tony started to write something on his little notepad.

McGee noticed Ziva's oddly silent behavior and came to talk to her. "Are you okay?"

Ziva didn't reply first, but after a few photos, she lifted her gaze to meet McGee's eyes, "I am fine".

He tilted his head to the right and frowned, "Are you sure? You look like there's something on your mind," McGee knew, "You know you can tell me anything, if you want to, right?"

Ziva gave him a sweet smile, "I do. Thank you, Tim".

"Oh, and do you know what's going on with him? He's been grumpy ever since he got here, which was late, by the way," McGee pointed at Tony.

Ziva quickly gazed at the direction McGee pointed at, "Why you do not ask him?"

"Uh, I'm not in the mood for his wise-ass comments today," he said, "I had a pretty rough night," he explained and ran his fingers through his hair, "I tried to write but Jethro didn't give me a chance. Every time he comes back from visiting Abby he wants nothing else but to play or someone to pet him. I wonder what she does to him to...?"

"I know what I'm going to do to you if you don't do your job," Gibbs voice came from behind McGee.

"Sorry, boss," he said and stepped aside.

Gibbs looked closely at Ziva, who noticed this, straightened her back and looked back at him. The moment told more in it's silence than possibly words ever could.

"You wanna tell me something, Ziva?" he asked, even thought he could see from her dark eyes that something big had happened and it was filling her mind instead of work.

There was a part of Ziva that wanted to tell everything to him, because she didn't want to lie but then again, everything felt too unsure and too unrevealed between her and Tony that it was almost wrong to talk to somebody else about it, so decided to lie and say no.

Gibbs frowned slightly and everybody near him could tell that he didn't believe what Ziva was saying.

After taking photos, interviewing the local police they were finally ready to leave. Tony told McGee to head back to the Navy Yard with Palmer and Ducky. The probie didn't understand why, but didn't want to start asking questions, so he just shrugged and asked Ducky for a permission, which Ducky was glad to grant, to ride back with them.

Tony sat in the truck with Ziva. The silence in between them was filled with questions and long sighs.

"Why didn't you wait?" he asked after he started the truck and drove about two minutes.

"I do not know," she said and watched at the passing buildings and trees from the window.

"You told me, you'd wait for me and when I came out of the bathroom, you were gone," he said and gazed at her quickly, "You did you do that?"

"I, um -" she thought to herself for a while and tried to find a good answer for him, but failed, "I do not know".

"Are you," he cleared his throat, "regretting what we did last night?"

Ziva turned her head and looked at Tony's profile that was like nailed to look at the driveway. His words were like a surprise for her in a way - she knew what she had done but she was trying to take it as a memory, not as an recurring act.

"I do not think I am," she said slowly, "I mean, we both wanted it, yes?"

"I know, I did," he sighed, "But I can't speak for you".

Ziva bit her lip, "I did want it".

Tony gazed at her quickly, "So, where the shoe doesn't fit then?"

"I am rather confused on what are we going to do next. I mean what we did last night was good, yes, but what does that mean? I thought it was a one-night thing and that was it. I guess I am trying to... get over it," she said and suddenly felt how Tony started to slow down the speed and before she knew, they were stopping on the side of the road.

"One night thing?" he repeated.

"Yes?" she said slowly.

"Look," he looked at his hands and then her eyes, "I don't share my emotions when I'm looking for just a one-night stand. When I tell you stuff like I did last night, I am very -" he felt himself getting frustrated and angry and a little part of him felt somehow used, "Serious. I don't do that for fun, or maybe I did in the past, but not anymore. And when it comes to this, to you and me and the years that we've been waiting for this kinda closure, I am sure as hell not looking for a one-night thing!"

Ziva went speechless. She didn't have any word to give to him that would be counted as a reply. She just stared at him and felt just how strongly he meant his words. She noticed how his eyes were like a burning flame, desperate to make her believe what he just had said and suddenly she felt her own eyes turning glassy.

"I - " Ziva muttered but was still unable to form anything else.

Tony opened his seat belt and moved closer to her, "Tell me that it meant something to you".

Ziva looked into his eyes and felt small, because she wasn't as sure as he was. She felt insecure when he stared at her so intensely. She saw so many questions in his eyes and she knew that half of those questions were never going to have an answer.

Tony was waiting for her words anxiously – he wanted that last night wasn't anything like any of the ones she or he had ever had before, it needed to mean so much more.

She was still unable to use words properly, but she had to say or do something anyway, so she cupped his face and kissed him. She nearly exploded from the feelings that hit her but she didn't care, because this was it – the answer they've been waiting for years.

Tony opened her seat belt and dragged her closer, until she was as close to him as possible. He kissed her back and felt the same roller coaster of feelings as she did.

After the kissing, for few minutes, they simply just held each other and took comfort to the fact that this was something new to them both and that they had to get used to it first before making it bigger. They felt emotionally fulfilled and scared, but that was just a small part of the whole thing - it didn't define tomorrow or next week or the rest of their lives.

Tony's phone rang and broke the beautiful moment.

"I'm going to throw this thing into a lake! It's interrupting everything!" Tony said and let go of Ziva, "What is it, McGoo? We're right there! No, still on our way, but not for long! Oh God, just wait for us there and don't come looking! What we're doing? None of your business! Bye!" he said and shook his head, "Sorry for that".

"Tim is right," she smiled and kissed him again, "We do need to go".

"Yes, ma'am," Tony said and then frowned when he saw her not-so-delighted facial expression, "Sorry... You didn't like to be called ma'am and I forgot that. Won't happen again, though".

"I know it will now. Could you just drive already? I do not want us to be late. And buckle your seat belt," Ziva pointed out.

"Hey, you heard that yourself?" Tony chuckled, "You already sound like a wife!"

* * *

**Aw, look at our two agents! I think they are pretty happy, don't you? They are desperately trying to figure out their new relationship and as we all might know, that takes time and effort. **  
**Okay, see you in next chapter xo**

**~ L**


	7. Chapter 7

"Where are the cases connected?" Gibbs asked and pointed at McGee to bring out the photos from all the crime scenes that were part of the same killer's handwork.

"Blood is the only link between them all and a shoe print from the killer," Tony read his papers and a part of him cursed that he never really read those papers before, but when he saw her looking at him, the regret faded away.

Ziva looked at him and smiled a coy smile. She was surprised just how new this all felt, like their friendship and everything in between had been rewritten into something more.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs barked, "The shoe print! Where is it?"

"Uh, right here!" Tony yelped and gave boss the picture. Gibbs looked at it carefully and sat behind his desk. He tapped something on the keyboard and then looked at the files in front of him.

The whole team looked at Gibbs and waited for an order. He noticed this and lifted his gaze from the papers and looked at everybody. He lifted his eyebrow at the sight of three agents sitting or standing completely still, like waiting for the ready, set, go and then they would all run somewhere.

"Go, fetch. We need more," Gibbs said and as he had thought, the whole team picked up their bags and ran to the elevator – well, all except for McGee. Tony pushed him out from the elevator, said that he only needed one more to come with him to check on a one lead and McGee would probably enjoy spending time with Abby.

First, McGee thought Tony was kidding, but when the elevator's doors closed and didn't open again, he lifted his eyebrows, turned around and walked to see Gibbs. McGee though he could indeed see Abby now.

"What are you still doing here?" the boss man asked when he saw one of his agents looking at him confusedly.

"To see Abby, apparently," he said and shrugged.

"Why? You were supposed to go with DiNozzo and David," Gibbs said and pointed at the elevator.

McGee shrugged again, "Well, they were busy and didn't need me, so I'll go and see if Abby does".

Gibbs looked at the probie and then nodded his head to show McGee that he could go. He ran his hand across his face and thought what the hell was going on between his agents.

* * *

"That was not nice," Ziva said and punched Tony slightly to the chest.

"It was needed to be done," he smiled widely and wrapped himself around her. He loved to be close to her even thought she wasn't exactly the most public person in the world – she'd rather keep the affection hidden than show it to everybody around her.

"Where are we going?" Ziva asked and felt how he kissed her temple.

"I got a lead," Tony said and sounded proud.

"You really have one?" she asked.

"Yeah, I do," Tony said and turned her around in his embrace. He looked into her eyes and noticed that the way they were both looking at each others was completely different than before. The connection was more deeper than it had ever been before.

"What is it?" she asked and rested her head against his chest.

He drew circles on her back with his finger, "I quickly read the file and there was something that need to be checked".

"Or then you are doing this, just to be with me," Ziva guessed.

"Or then that," he laughed and kissed her, "I like that too".

* * *

Tony did really got an idea and it payed off. He had noticed that there was a mall next to the crime scene and of course, a big building like that would have a security cameras, that might have caught something on tape.

The security guard from the mall next to the crime scene was very helpful and gave them access to the security office. Tony and Ziva asked for the specific recording and could they have a copy of it. When they got what they needed, they left the mall.

"That was a good lead, right?" Tony asked proudly.

"Only if there was something useful on the tape," Ziva pointed out and sat inside the car.

Tony started the engine but didn't go anywhere, "Hey," he said, "Is this all okay with you? I mean, do you think, that we can still work together no matter what we do in our free time?"

Ziva smiled, "Of course, but let's not push McGee aside and make Gibbs more suspicious".

"Oh yeah, I forgot about him," Tony frowned.

"You should not. I think he already feels that there is something going on," Ziva said and sighed, "Do you think he already knows what we are doing?"

"I don't know, but he's Gibbs. He's like God - he knows and hears everything," Tony pointed out and finally pressed gas so that the car could finally move.

"Are you afraid of what he will say?" Ziva asked.

"Not exactly, because I already know what he'll say to me, and to you," Tony answered and shrugged, "He will preach us about our stupid mistakes and how this will never last. He will scream to our faces about how stupid we are and he'll put us to do paper work for the rest of our, but the trick is," he winked and looked at Ziva, "To decide whether to believe him or not."

"What do you mean exactly?" she asked and bit her lip.

"Gibbs is like a dog – a very scary one, but a dog anyway, so he barks a lot but necessarily don't bite," Tony explained with a smile on his face.

Ziva understood his point and leaned back on her seat, "I am still rather," she tried to find a most describing word, "Confused."

"Don't be," he smiled, "We got this under a control".

She smiled hesitatingly and nodded her head, "I guess so".

* * *

The tension in squad room could have been cut with a knife - it was so thick and everybody could feel it. Gibbs stared at the plasma screen, he stared at the photos on it and tried to think what he had missed, what more was need to be done in order to solve this case - and what the hell was going on inside of his own team?

Tony and Ziva came back from their little field trip and once they entered the squad room, they felt the pressing tension. Tony cleared his throat and flashed the boss what he had gotten from the mall. Ziva stood behind Tony and gulped.

"We got a security tape from a mall near the crime scene," Tony said and passed it to Gibbs, who gripped it from his senior field's hands and gave him a furious look.

"Okay, wow!" Tony backed away a little bit, "Whatever I have done now, I'm sure I can explain it," he said and lifted his hands up a little bit as a sign of surrendering.

"You can and you will," Gibbs turned to him and was so close to Tony that it was now seriously intimidating the senior field agent.

Boss' fierce blue eyes searched all the lies from Tony's eyes. Gibbs' gut said that Tony was doing something against the rules.

"Drag yourself into the elevator! Now!" Gibbs raised his voice and made Tony shiver, but he turned around and started to walk after his boss.

"You too!" Gibbs pointed at Ziva, who immediately followed Tony.

Gibbs nodded his agents to step on the elevator first. He followed them, switched off elevator from moving and then turned around to face them, "What the hell are you two doing?"

"Nothing, we were just -" Tony started but Gibbs slammed the elevator's wall to shut him up.

Ziva looked at the floor and didn't move. She was furiously thinking a way to get out of this situation but the only way that could be possible, was that they would both lie, but Gibbs detected lies better than anyone they've ever met. Ziva felt trapped and her heart started racing.

Tony stood in front of her like he was trying to protect her from the boss' rage.

Gibbs yelled at them for few minutes straight and like Tony had thought, the boss had pointed out that how could two agents last and how it was ever possible for them to work normally together anymore.

"You two made a big mistake!" Gibbs yelled.

Then, for surprise to them all, especially to himself, Tony opened his mouth, "Oh come on! Grow up!" he said intensively.

Gibbs froze for a moment and Ziva felt how her heart might have skipped a beat.

"What?" Gibbs asked with a scarily calm voice.

"I told you to grow up! And listen to me for even once in your life!" Tony said and felt like now he had on from the boss and it gave him a little bit more courage, "This is not what you think! We aren't just screwing around! Whatever made you create the rule number twelve, I swear, this isn't like it! We just have to fight and try our best and if this doesn't work out, then," Tony looked at the floor, then his slightly shivering hands and then his boss, "We both love NCIS and this is like another home and a family to us and we would never try to do anything to risk it! But this is different! We need a shot, we need a serious chance to make this all work! We _have_ to try!"

Ziva touched Tony's back for a second – it was her way to show support. Something in her heart shivered and she could feel the questions that were silenced before starting to scream inside of her head again. She could feel the insecurities painting the courage with desperation and uncertainty. It was like she was tearing apart.

Gibbs straightened his back, "What if you two fail?"

"Then we do, but at least we tried!" Tony said and turned to look at Ziva, "We are ready to fight for this, right?"

A moment of silence, few silent and sharp inhales, until she lifted her gaze from the floor to Tony's eyes and what he found from them, broke him apart.

"I cannot do this," she said with a quiet and shaky voice.

Gibbs looked at the woman who wasn't the Ziva he knew. This version of her was way more fragile and way more emotional. He had seen her cry, but this was something different - this was her heart, her mind, passions, decisions and insecurities.

Ziva switched the powers of the elevator back on and the weight on her heart dropped away when she saw the opening doors, the momentary freedom of escaping.

"I am so sorry," she said and ran away.

Tony was unable to move, to think and even to breathe for a while. He stared at the running figure of woman that had grown such strong feelings, like roots, deep inside of his heart. It was like those roots had been ripped out from his chest and every single of the moments he had spent with her seemed like a lie or a mistake. Was everything going to always end up like this for them? Was it always going to be part of their fate together? Was this the price of being meant to be?

The elevator doors closed and Tony turned around slowly to look at Gibbs. His green eyes were burning with anger and he had an overwhelming urge to punch his boss, the same man that had saved his life in a way and been a father to him, when his own wasn't.

Gibbs looked calm on the outside, but on the inside, he was starting to feel a hint of regret. Questions of his two agents and all the years he'd been watching them flashed inside of his mind and a piece of him finally felt something, it had never before felt towards Tony and Ziva; _understanding._

"Are you happy now?" Tony asked and fight against his anger from spreading all over the place, "I thought that even once in your life, you could get over yourself and be happy for us!" he yelled and as the elevator doors opened up again, he ran to look for Ziva.

The rule number twelve was there to protect from the pain and the heartache Gibbs had experienced before in his life. It was there for the agents own good and save them from the pain. He knew that the rule was useful no matter how many years would pass - because the scars of mistaken love would stay until the end of time.

* * *

**So, probably after this chapter, I suggest that you open your mind a little more and change perspective at times.  
Oh, by the way, thank you for the reviews I've been receiving! They have all been so nice! Keep them coming!  
See you in next chapter xo**

~L


	8. Chapter 8

Tony opened the women's bathroom door quietly and wished that there was nobody else there but Ziva. He walked in slowly and noticed that there indeed was no one there, but the woman staring right at him with her dark, confused eyes.

"We need to talk," Tony said and walked to her. He wanted to touch, but felt like it was crossing some sort of a wrong line, so he kept his hands to himself.

"I do not know what to say," Ziva turned to look at her reflection from the mirror.

"Me neither," he said and sighed, "But I wanna know, what was that all about?"

Ziva turned to look at him, "He um," she ran her hand through her hair, "Gibbs has a point".

Tony frowned – that wasn't something he'd except to hear from her right now, "What...?"

"He might be right," Ziva said and shook her head. She placed another hand on her waist and another on her forehead, "You know he might".

"No, no, no, Ziva, no," he said and bent his knees to meet her eye to eye. He raised his hand and moved the escaped tresses of hair back behind her ear. She was looking down but he knew that she was hesitating. The terror was creeping up on him. If she'd change her mind now they would have face the moments of endless silence and awkwardness. There would be nothing left to say, just memories to keep.

"You can't do this to me, to us," Tony said and finally wrapped his arms around her, "Please don't do this".

"Tony," she said quietly and pushed him away slightly, "How could we ever work out? I mean, look at us. It's you and me, we are talking about here. We have been partners for years, we have risked so much and we have been there when nobody else was, but still, it is us we are talking about!"

"But what Abby said, I mean, she can't be all wrong, right?" Tony asked and he was getting really scared of the words Ziva would say next. He didn't want them to break things apart and go back to the way things use to be.

"It is _her _point of view!" Ziva said, "It is not what you and I think".

"But you thought it could be true and so did I," Tony pointed out and she stepped away from him.

"I know," she said and lifted her confused gaze to his eyes, "But think about this; think about the years and about the moments when I could not even look at you and then think about Gibbs and the whole team. We would have to fight against them, we would have to explain everything!"

Tony shook his head, "I don't care. I'd do it," he said with a voice that Ziva barely heard, so he repeated it again, "I do not care! I would do it!"

Her eyes turned glassy and something inside of her wasn't sure whether everything was a momentary mistake or not.

"You wanted this too, remember? When we were in bed together, you said you weren't maybe that sure but you did wanted this! I thought you'd try and give this a shot! I thought what I said to you had some sort of a meaning! I thought what we did was something worth of all this! We knew that this was never going to be easy! It's Gibbs we're talking about here! The guy's rules are like his life-line and he can't let them go, but we can! We are not him and we can change the rules or make our own!" Tony said and tried to convince her the best he could, "Ziva, we can do this".

She wiped her tears that were suddenly running down her cheeks, "I," she started with a shivering voice and walked past him, "I am not sure I can," she said and ran out of the bathroom, leaving behind a man, that felt like his world was falling apart.

* * *

Ziva walked quickly to the squad room and to her desk. She looked at the table like she was searching for something.

Gibbs lifted his gaze to see what she was doing, "You lost something, Ziva?"

She turned to look at her boss and then her computer. She logged off and turned the power down, "No, I did not," she said and seemed to be in a rush.

"What are you doing?" Gibbs ask and rose from his chair.

"I am going home," she said and picked up her coat and backpack.

"Home?" Gibbs repeated and lifted his eyebrows as a sign of confusion, "But we are not done here yet. You can't just leave".

Ziva looked strictly at Gibbs, "I can and I will," her eyes showed deep certainty that got him worried, so he walked to her desk and tried to stop her from leaving.

"Are you okay?" he asked and tried to find a some sort of a connection with her.

"No," she said plainly and shook her head.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" he asked and saw how her dark eyes came up to meet his. He saw how upset she was and how badly she wanted to leave.

"No! You have done enough," she said determinately and walked past him. He watched how Ziva walked to the elevator and soon stepped inside of it.

Gibbs was getting tired of cleaning up the mess his agents made. People could learn from their mistakes, but repeating them didn't bring any kind of a solution into anything. He sat back behind his desk and after sitting there few seconds, he hit the table with his fist and clinched his teeth as a sign of this endless frustration. Why the hell was it so hard to follow the rules? Why did everything had to be gone through the hard way?

Few minutes later, Tony dragged his tired being into the squad room. All the energy that he usually had seemed to have disappeared and all the jokes and smart ass comments seemed to be long gone. He felt like an idiot – an idiot that believed in something that had been going on for years could actually form something different.

"She went home," Gibbs said and watched the senior field agent who dragged his usually so childish and cheerful personality on the ground behind him like a burden.

Tony gazed at his boss quickly, "Did she say why?"

"No," Gibbs answered and lowered his attention to the never-ending pile of paperwork in front of him, "Anything I should know?"

"I am really not in the mood for you to be happy about my failures, boss," Tony said and sighed as he sat behind his own desk. He was really getting tired of believing that everything would work out just fine.

"How have you failed this time?" Gibbs asked and wrote something to his papers.

"I failed her, and me, and all of this," Tony said and sighed, "And I just -"

"Hate me?" Gibbs finished his sentence and took a quick look at his senior field agent, who slowly stood up again and walked to his boss.

"I don't understand, how can you just walk over us like that?" Tony asked and frowned, "Like we are here for the show, but when we ask for an honest opportunity for something that you might not like, you shut all the doors and you bark at us like we were your worst enemies".

"Might not like?" Gibbs repeated and lowered his pencil on the table, "DiNozzo, I've seen what damage that a worn out relationship between two agents can do. I've seen it so many times and yeah, I've been there myself, but the point isn't the actual breaking up, it's the aftermath of the whole thing".

"But," Tony shook his head a little bit, "You never even gave us a chance, and let's face it, you have known all along what's been going on".

Gibbs narrowed his eyes, "What's your point?"

"You tell me," Tony shrugged, "You say you are fair and all that, but when it comes to crossing your rules, you are the most unfairest man I know, because you think they all work and that you are always right. You think that when you've experienced them all, that they're gonna happen to everybody around you, but hey, I gotta a big surprise for you, there isn't anyone like you in the world and that means that the rules might not be true to people like me and Ziva, or hell, even McGeek, if he might hook up with an actual chick that was -"

"Cut the crap, DiNozzo, what do you wanna say to me?" Gibbs asked and stood up from his chair. He wanted to look his senior field agent eye to eye, when he'd say the next words.

"You are wrong," Tony said with a very serious look on his face, "And I will prove it to you".

"How?" Gibbs asked and tilted his head to the right.

Tony frowned and felt like he didn't have anything to say back anymore, so he returned to his desk, took his keys and rushed to the elevator. He stopped for a moment to look at Gibbs, "I'll get her back".

As Tony went to deal his problems with Ziva once again, Gibbs sat back down, buried his face into the palms of his hands and shook his head. He had a bad feeling about everything.

* * *

**If now or never, it's time to open up your mind a little bit. I strongly suggest that! I'm by now, sorta finished this story and it's really long. I don't know should I write an epilogue just to give you all a better closure. I might do it, but I can ask that later.  
I've grown really attached to this story and it's really important to me, so I sincerely hope that you enjoy reading it even half as much as I enjoyed writing it!**  
**See you in next chapter xo**

**~ L**


	9. Chapter 9

Once again, Tony was standing outside of Ziva's door. He didn't have a clue what to say, but he wanted to see her so badly. He was as nervous as hell, but didn't let that stop him. He wanted to know why she was slipping away from him. Gibbs' words couldn't be the only reason for all this.

After the third, impatient knocking on her door, she finally opened up. He pushed his way inside of the apartment and she didn't even try to stop him.

"Okay, I wanna know what the hell is going on," Tony turned to look at her and he could swear that her eyes were slightly puffy. Had she been crying? He didn't ask, because she'd never admit such a thing.

"I do not have an answer for you," Ziva said and sounded very tired.

"What are you planning to do then? About Us?" Tony asked and it was clear that he was confused and upset, which made her feel even more tired.

She shook her head, "I do not know".

"What do you know then?" he asked impatiently and kept a close eye on her every little move. He saw how her exhausted gaze lifted to meet his and how her eyes didn't show any will to fight.

"What do _you _want?" Ziva asked and walked to the kitchen. She had to sit down or else she would collapse on the floor. How could she be feeling so worn out and still be able take in all these complications and these amounts of emotional mess?

"I want you to tell me, what is happening. Why do you keep running away from me and for all this? It can't be 'cause of Gibbs, because you knew to expect his reaction. So," he trailed off before continuing, "Is it because of me?"

Ziva fell into her thoughts for a second. She wanted to give an answer to him. She wanted to let him know how tired she was because of all this and how her faith on meant to be was shaking so hard that it barely existed anymore. She wanted to tell him how much he meant to her and how much she hated to fight over everything in her life. There's a åoint in everybody's life when the constant fighting starts to be too much and giving up feels like a better choice. She wanted to let him know that he was always going to be special to her, but when she opened her mouth, something else came out; the bare, honest truth.

"Yes".

Tony froze for a moment that felt like thousand years. He didn't know that she'd reply that fast and so truthfully. He thought she'd blame something like pressure or whatever, but not directly him. He felt yet another deep cut in his heart - damn those seemed to hurt more than he'd ever thought was possible.

"What did I do then?" he sounded rather calm.

"You have to understand that I cannot deal with all this. I do not want to fight. Tony, I have done that all my life. I just want everything to be a little more simpler and easier. I want something -" she looked somewhere else, because she couldn't bare his gaze piercing through her, "Different".

Tony took a step towards her and took a grip of her arm. He lifted her to stand up and meet him gaze to gaze, "People can change! I can change!" he swore.

"No," she said silently and squirmed off, "I cannot do this anymore".

"Ziva, please," he raised his hands to touch hers, but she stepped away.

"I wish I could give to you what you need, but I cannot," she said and noticed just how shaky her voice was, "I want to be with you, but I cannot. Something is keeping me away from you and I am not sure what it is. But I am asking for you to forget this ever happened, act like we never did anything else but kissed in Columbia. Pretend like I never said a thing and you never showed up on my door step to tell me that we are meant to be. Let's just go back to the way we were and forget this ever happened".

Tony felt like she could have just as well kicked him under the belt and leave him breathless. Every letter that formed those words were like a punch in the stomach, stab to the heart and poison to his ears. She sounded so brutally honest and sincere that it made him sick. He could have thrown up, if he hadn't been in the state of shock he was in. He couldn't move or speak – he could hardly even breathe.

"H- how am I able to do that?" he finally managed to ask with a voice that could barely be heard.

"I do not know," she shook her head, "But I beg you to find a way, because I cannot deal with this any longer. I do not want to fight or be under this much pressure. I do not want to turn against Gibbs after all he has done for me. I do not want to explain my choices to anyone and I certainly do not want to get hurt anymore".

"I would never hurt you," Tony breathed out.

"I know, that is why I am asking you to stop whatever we are doing before it gets out of hands," she said, "I wish this could work, I really do, but I will not. So Abby was wrong".

Tony suddenly stepped close to Ziva, "No, she was right. We are meant to be, but -" he trailed off and swallowed hard, "Not for each other".

She felt how her heart was crushed. She looked at him and saw how broken he was. He had so much in his heart and he wanted to try and see where things would lead. He was ready to shatter his image as a ladies man and he was ready to do it for her – that thought made her feel the tiniest bit of regret. Ziva wanted them to work out and grow into something more, but when she thought about the odds of that happening, she couldn't honestly believe it.

"I am so sorry," she said and felt how few stubborn tears ran down on her cheek.

He dried them up and flashed her the famous DiNozzo smiled, but this time it was just disguising his pain, "No, I am. I never should have kissed you in the first place, even thought it felt so right".

Ziva felt so incredibly fragile when Tony wrapped his arms around her, "I am so sorry," she muttered against his jacket.

"I know," he lifted his gaze to the ceiling and held back his own tears. He didn't understand what the hell was effecting him this much, it's not like she was dying or anything, it was just the end of one not fully experienced road.

"You are a good man, and there is someone better out there who can give you everything you wish for," Ziva said and parted from him.

Tony flashed the disguising smile again, "Yeah, and plenty other women too. I was supposed to go out with one before we went to Columbia and she actually called me few days ago, but I turned her down, because, well, you know?" he said and let out a silent chuckle, "But now I think I'll call her and... You know?"

She nodded and hoped that the mask he was wearing now, that showed like everything was completely fine and nothing didn't hurt, would last as long as he's scars would been healed.

"Anyway, I should go and um," he scratched his head, "I could call her right away. And," he cleared his throat and took the phone from his pocket, "Well, see ya at work then," he said awkwardly and opened the front door.

Before she Ziva could reply, Tony was outside of her door and panting heavily. He stumbled to his car and sat on the driver's seat. He looked at his phone and then threw it away – he wasn't going to call anyone, because there wasn't no one to call to. He had lied to her face that he would actually have someone to fill her slot. He had smiled and pretended like he would get over her in an instance. He didn't know was it a good thing or a bad thing, if she had detected his lie. Would it made her suspicious and lead her to regret her decisions towards him or would it hurt her and made her think that she would be that easy to replace? He knew for a fact that Ziva was the kind of woman, who couldn't be forgotten in a night or two, with a bottle of scotch and a classic movie. No, she was the kind of woman who was worth of anything and everything. And she and him were meant to be, but that did that really mean? Did it mean that they were meant to be separated but on each others side or together 'till they both would stop breathing?

Whichever it was, he had time to think about it now – and have a drink or a bottle.

* * *

**Oh god dammit! Look where Tiva are now! Isn't this crappy? Will they survive it? I mean, how can people just go back from that? Uh, will this get ugly?  
Oh, yeah, few of you might have misunderstood when I talked about the end of this fic. I have finished it, yes, but not in here. This is now about in it's halfway in here and there's still plenty to go through so don't worry! And I might just write the epilogue!**  
**Keep the reviews coming! And see you in next chapter xo**

**~ L**


	10. Chapter 10

The days at work seemed to drag themselves forward. Time didn't give any mercy to them, who wanted to avoid the awkward silences or the questionable gazes. Tony and Ziva felt like they were being punished by the whole universe. They barely spoke to each other and when they did, every word seemed so meaningless and common. He felt like a loser when he tried to make a conversation about something and she felt like she was the one to blame for everything.

Gibbs kept a close eye on them both. He saw their empty gazes looking at each other and he saw how much they wanted to talk but nothing came out. He saw just how painful everything was and how awkward it all came day by day.

"What happened to our suspect?" Gibbs asked behind his desk.

Tony read his files and shrugged, "He has an solid alibi, that happened".

Gibbs turned to look at Ziva, "McGee interrogated him and he was clear. He even has witnesses to support his statement".

"Where was he then?" Gibbs looked at McGee.

"At a private club," McGee remembered his interrogation with their prime suspect, "He had a VIP ticket and he said to me that he would have not missed _that_ party for anything".

Gibbs shook his head, "Do we have anything?"

McGee frowned and looked at Ziva, who frowned too and slowly gazed at Tony, who was still reading through his papers.

After few seconds, Tony felt like he was being stared at, so he lifted his eyes from the papers to the team, "I had free time last night, so I thought I'd finally check the security tape and hello to what I found! McGee, roll it!" he said, stood up from his chair and pointed at the probie, who showed the camera feed on the plasma screen and rolled it to the scene where Tony remembered seeing something suspicious.

"There it is!" he said and pointed at the right corner, "Look at that dude and keep your eyes on him. McGee, show the feed from the alley," he ordered.

Ziva and Gibbs came to see what Tony was up to and they kept looking at the man on the feed and saw how he came to the alley by the time that the murder happened.

"There!" Tony yelled, "He was there!" he turned to look at Gibbs.

"I can see that, DiNozzo, but you are missing something here," the boss pointed out.

"What's that?" Tony asked and looked at the screen and then again his boss.

"Who the hell is that guy? We don't have a name yet!" Gibbs answered and shook his head.

Tony smirked, "Oh, but we do. Our new suspect here is Mr. Dan May," he said and felt proud that he had managed to do even his job right if not anything else, "And his location is -"

"Yeah, yeah, get us there!" Gibbs didn't listen Tony's gloating. He grabbed his badge and gun and ran to the elevator. The rest of the team followed thier boss.

"My pleasure," Tony finally said when they were all in the elevator.

* * *

It turned out that Tony's new suspect had pretty good information about the case. He had seen the killer, but unfortunately all he could remember from him was his a tattoo and shaved head. That was enough for the team and they gathered all known gang tattoos for Dan May to see. He recognized one of them and it got the team even further. After they gathered all the information they needed and added the little surprises that Abby had found along the way, they found two possible suspects that could be recognized as a killer and now all they needed was the truth – and if anyone was going to get that from these tough guys it would be Gibbs. He warmed them up for a little while, before he put the facts on the table and raised his voice and if that wasn't enough he slammed the table or put more evidence in front of the the suspects up and it all payed off. A man named, Stan Mowich was arrested for two murders.

The team was glad the whole case was over, not that it would have been that different from the other cases of this kind of murders, but because they needed something else to think about and somehow this case seemed to last forever.

After doing paper work nearly the whole day, the team was ready to head back to home, after they had returned few files.

"Hey, Ziva, could you drop off these to Abby? I have somewhere I need to be and I'm starting to be really late soon," McGee said and stepped into the elevator. He stood next to Ziva and handed out few files for her as he pressed a button of the floor he wanted to go to.

"Of course," Ziva said and took the files, adding them on the pile she was already carrying in her arms.

"Thanks," McGee said and looked at her quickly, "Are you okay?"

"I am fine," she answered and kept looking at the doors in front of her.

"You sure? You've been so silent lately. Has something happened?" he asked.

"No, I am just tired," she turned to look at him and faked a smile.

"Well, if you wanna talk about it, I'm here," he said and smiled back. He saw the doors opening and he checked his watch, "But I gotta go now. See you tomorrow!"

"Bye," she said to the running figure and watch how the doors closed again and it made her feel more safe, because when she was alone, there was nobody asking questions from her and demanding an answer that she didn't have.

Ziva sighed deeply as she arrived to the floor where Abby's lab was. She felt a little bit more insecure when the doors opened, but when she saw Tony standing outside the doors, her eyes widened and she felt a sudden need to push some button, any button at all that would close the doors and take her anywhere else.

"Oh, hi," Tony said and smiled, because he didn't know what else to do. He was surprised to see her and he could feel the awkward silence and tension building up.

"Hello," Ziva said quietly.

"I was just um -" Tony looked at the floor and then her, "I was just dropping something off to Abby".

Ziva nodded, "I was going to do the same".

"Oh," he said as if he really was surprised, "What do you have there? Can I help carry those?"

Ziva shook her head, even thought she really could have used the help, because some of the files were in danger to drop on the floor, "No, I got it, thank you".

"Well, okay then," he said and together they passed each others – she stepped out from the elevator as he stepped in it.

"Good night, Ziva," he said calmly and made her turn around. His voice was like a siren that was calling at her feelings towards him. It was so soft and comforting and it made her remember the night when they made love for the first time and the moment he had said those exact same words to her. She felt so safe back then and none of the world had mattered but that one moment in their whole lives.

"G-Good night," she said back and stood still until the doors closed. Then she walked to Abby's lab and when she didn't saw her there, she dropped the files on the nearest table and decided to sat down for few seconds.

Her head was spinning and she wondered why. It couldn't be because of two words Tony had just said or could it? Was the memory that the words brought up so comforting that it made her long for him? She could almost feel him against her, breathing calmly and whispering good night into her ear, but it was just a memory, she couldn't have it back. A part of her felt like she had done a mistake when she let him go, but what else could she have done?

"Ziva?" Abby appeared from the back of the lab.

"What?" Ziva jumped off from the chair, looking a bit frightened and turned to look at the goth behind her.

"Take it easy," Abby smiled warmly, "What are you doing here?"

"I, um -" Ziva said and pointed at the files on the table, "I brought files to you".

"Thanks," the forensic scientist smiled again, "I'll look at them first thing in the morning, because now I gotta go. My friend's band is playing tonight and I promised to go see them".

Ziva didn't know what so say so she just hummed a silent 'mhm' and looked around herself like she didn't know where she was.

"Are you okay?" Abby furrowed her brows.

"I am," Ziva said and quickly turned to look at her, "You should go. Do not keep your friend waiting".

Abby looked at Ziva for a moment, before dropping her purse on the floor and dragging a chair close to sit on next to her, "But you are my friend too, Ziva. So tell me, what is going on?"

Ziva relaxed a little bit and sat back on her chair. Even thought she didn't want Abby to miss her friend's concert, she felt like she needed someone to talk to, someone who would know her situation – or at least some of it.

"Tony seemed like he was in another world, when he came by here," Abby pointed out, when she noticed how hard it was for Ziva to start a conversation of a subject like this.

"So, I assumed something had happened, because you don't seem like yourself either," Abby continued.

"I could not keep it going anymore and when Gibbs found out, I panicked, so I," Ziva searched for the right word and remember the late night when she had ended the blooming relationship with Tony, "I broke it off".

Abby tilted her head and sighed, "Oh God, that explains a lot".

"What do you mean?" Ziva furrowed her brows and got curious.

"Tony called me last night. He was pretty drunk and he said that something had happened," Abby explained and remembered how she was drinking tea at home when the phone rang and she barely had recognized the slurring voice at the other end of the line. She remember how broken and hopeless he had sounded even though he was pretty wasted.

"Oh God," the same regret that wanted Tony back for a second when he said good night, lifted it's ugly head inside of Ziva's mind.

"I couldn't catch everything he said, since he was slurring so badly, but I got the idea that something had happened and that he couldn't just leave it theret, but he couldn't also fight because she didn't want it," Abby recalled, "And by 'she', he apparently meant you. He was pretty drunk, but that was what I understood".

Ziva shook her head, "This is not... Oh God," she said and placed a hand on her mouth.

"What?" Abby asked.

"He said to me, that he had someone before Columbia and that he was going to call her and -" Ziva said and felt her voice shaking, "I thought he would get over me just like that, but, he was... He was lying".

"Maybe, but you know what kind of a man he is. Most of the time Tony hides how he really feels, so maybe he just wanted to pretend like everything was over just like that, even though he really just -"

"Even thought he is really in pain. Oh god, what have I done?" she asked and tried to desperately to muffle the silent whimpers of devastation from coming out of her mouth.

"Hey, look," Abby wrapped her arms around Ziva, when she saw just how upsetting this all was for her to hear, "This is not your fault. You did what you saw best. You made your decision and it's okay; no one can force you to do something you don't wanna do".

"But that is it," Ziva said and parted from Abby, "I wanted it. I wanted it to work and I wanted the chance that he was asking from me and Gibbs. I wanted it too, but I just could not -" she shook her head and ran her fingers through her hair, "I could not believe in it".

"What do you mean?" Abby was confused.

"I cannot see myself being with him. I cannot see us fighting against Gibbs and building a future together. I just cannot see it and I cannot believe in it," Ziva explained and felt how the tears she was holding back begged for a permission to run down her cheek. She didn't grant that permission, not yet.

"He is a good man and I am so sorry I hurt him, but I cannot lie to myself just to make him feel good," Ziva said and felt how the stubborn tears were getting closer and closer.

Abby went silent and serious. She regretted ever saying anything to Ziva that got her thinking about Tony that way.

"I honestly thought you two were meant to be," Abby said and looked at Ziva, "Am I wrong?"

"I do not know, Abby," she said and hid her face into the palm of her hands and sniffed, "Why cannot I believe in this?"

"Sometimes, things just don't work out the way they are supposed to," Abby said and comforted Ziva by hugging her again and stroking her back.

"He is not just 'a thing' or someone I barely know, he is Tony, he is my partner and my friend and I -"

"Exactly," Abby said and got a some sort of a point from Ziva's words, "He is already that much to you, he is that important. So could he ever be any more than that?"

Ziva smiled a sad smile, "It is Tony. What cannot he be?"

Abby frowned, "Good point".

Ziva sat silently for a while and fell deep into her thoughts. There was a part of her, that still regretted ever doing this to him but there was also the part of her that couldn't just simply deal with all of this. Maybe she was too cautious and worrying too much, but she had been hurt enough before and the list of mistakes she had made didn't need to go any further.

"I need to -" she said and took a deep breath, "I think I need to apologize to him".

"Really?" Abby asked.

"Yes. I need to tell him how sorry I am," Ziva said and stood up. She straightened her back and looked at Abby, "Thank you for listening".

"My pleasure," Abby smiled brightly and picked up her purse, "I think I might catch my friend's concert's ending if I hurry," she said, but before she left, she turned to look at Ziva again, "Are you sure, you will be okay?"

"I will," Ziva nodded and just like that Abby was gone and she was all alone.

Home didn't feel like a good idea - it seemed to be so far away, so Ziva searched the futon Abby kept in the lab and settled on to that. All the lights were off and everything was quiet, except for the noises coming from outside and the silent hum from the machines, that were on stand by in a case of emergency. She looked at the ceiling and went through all the moments with Tony over and over again. When did she stop believing in all this? When did she rather wanted to run away than stay?

It took over an hour until she fell into a restless sleep.

* * *

**Ooh, this is getting really tricky! Where do you think it'll go from here? Will they work it out or not? I'm so excited again and I'm the one writing this, haha!**  
**Thanks for the reviews and keep them coming! See you in the next chapther xo**

**~ L**


	11. Chapter 11

"Wake up," Gibbs' voice pierced through Ziva's sleep. Her dream of the childhood was shattered and replaced by a cold and rainy morning.

"What? Am I late?" she asked and rubbed her eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Gibbs asked and helped her to stand up.

Ziva shook her head and looked at Abby who stood few meters away from them and leaned her head against the wall. She could only hope that Abby hadn't told Gibbs about their conversation last night.

"I got too tired," Ziva lied in vain, since Gibbs could detect a lie better than anyone.

"But why didn't -" Gibbs started but his phone interrupted him, "Yeah, Gibbs. Where? We'll be right there".

"Grab my gear?" Ziva asked and he nodded.

They walked through the lab and Abby stopped Ziva to give her a supporting smile and a hug.

"Take care," Abby said as she wrapped her arms around her.

"Thank you," Ziva said and followed Gibbs to the elevator.

"You wanna talk about it?" he asked after they were both in and the elevator started to slowly move.

"I am fine," Ziva said and rubbed her forehead. She could already feel the drumming headache in the back of her head.

"The hell you are!" Gibbs said suddenly, "Tell me".

"There is nothing to tell," Ziva said plainly and wished that Gibbs wouldn't continue this conversation, because she had just woken up and she didn't want to talk about it at all.

"Your job is lacking motivation, you sleep here and you've been more silent than_ I_ have been," Gibbs pointed out, "So tell me, what the hell is going on".

"It is nothing," Ziva kept saying but after seeing the unhappy look on her boss' face, she decided to say something more, "It is.. what you wanted, yes?"

"What I wanted?" Gibbs repeated and frowned.

"To me and Tony. You wanted that we would no longer continue being together and throw all the chances away, yes?" Ziva asked and it sounded like she was verbally attacking him and Gibbs noticed it too.

"Don't take that attitude with me," he warned but it was too late.

"I do not understand you, Gibbs," Ziva said and shook her head as she looked into his blue eyes, "Why do you want to do this to us? Throw everything away, just that we would not mess up? That is not fair. How do you expect us to ever learn, if we do not get to make any mistakes?"

"I'm protecting you from the mistakes and at the same time, I'm saving your time," he said.

"You made the mistake and it did not work out, Gibbs. _You_ did it - _we_ did not do anything," Ziva pointed out, "Why are you blaming us for your mistake?"

He went silent for a while, just looked at the eyes of the serious Israeli standing in front of him, "Ziva, I am not -"

"But you are," Ziva insisted, "You should have given us an opportunity".

"Why? Can't you see where this already went? He was gonna get you back, that is what he said to me and this is all he came up with? He just made it worse, Ziva! You are so naive to think that you'd ever work out! Why can't you just forget this ever happened and move on?"

"Naive?" Ziva repeated and shook her head. She couldn't believe what he was saying, "You call us naive? Oh my God! You have no idea what we did, you have no idea what we felt, so do not come and tell me that we were naive!" she raised her voice.

"Tell me then, what did you felt? What did you do? What made you want all this?" Gibbs asked and stepped closer.

Ziva didn't back away, "That is none of your business".

Gibbs looked at her for a while and he could see it all so clearly now, "You slept with him?" he asked and frowned.

She didn't answer and he took it as a silent yes, backed up towards the wall and leaned his back against it. This was getting out of hands. Gibbs thought about the feelings that sex left on two persons and suddenly didn't wonder why Tony and Ziva didn't really talk to each other anymore. If those feelings are made and then ripped apart, talking would stop being so necessary.

"I am sorry, if we are such a disappointment to you," Ziva said silently

"What?" Gibbs asked surprised.

"I am sorry we failed you," she said and they both saw the elevator's doors opening. She stepped out first and he second.

Gibbs never thought any of the members of his team as disappointments, more like challenging children. They were good at what they did and they all had their weaknesses and strengths. If someone was hesitating, the other was stronger and Gibbs had known it from the very start, how this team was not just a team, but a tight family. Sometimes it felt like they were all alone in the world but still had someone there who cared. Gibbs had lost his own family and got his team in return, maybe it didn't cover the pain, but it did make everything feel a little bit better from time to time.

"Boss?" Tony asked when Gibbs and Ziva arrived to the squad room. Tony looked at her face and wondered why she looked like her mood was beaten to the ground. She looked more unhappy and blue than he'd ever seen.

"Grab your gear," Gibbs said and grabbed his. He took the car keys and threw them to Tony, who caught them like a pro.

"Where to?" McGee asked and followed the boss and the senior field agent.

"You'll see when we get there," Gibbs answered and stopped at Ziva's desk and wondered why she didn't show a sign to leave with them.

"Ziva?" he asked carefully.

"I am going to stay in here and do some um, background investigation," she said and looked at Gibbs with determination in her eyes.

"What?" Tony asked, "Can you do that? Boss, can she do that?" he looked at Gibbs, who didn't take his eyes off of Ziva.

"Are you okay?" McGee asked in between.

"I am fine," she answered and like Gibbs, she didn't move her gaze from her boss' eyes.

"Then why aren't you coming with us?" Tony asked and was more curious than he showed outside.

"Because I am staying here and I will do background investigation," Ziva said and it seemed like she and Gibbs were having a fight with their powerful gazes – the one who'd lose, would bend the other one on their will.

"Boss?" McGee and Tony asked at the same time and looked questioningly at Gibbs.

"Fine," he said and walked to the elevator.

"Fine?" McGee and Tony said at the same time again, astonished that Gibbs gave in just like that.

Ziva hummed and logged on to her computer. Her focus was moved away from the team to the screen.

"Has the world gone mad?" Tony asked as he quickly stepped on to the elevator.

"Or boss gotten old?" McGee added a question and got smacked in the back of his head.

"Shut up, both of you," Gibbs said and cleared his throat.

"Yes, boss," Tony said and looked at McGee with a confusion shining bright from his eyes. It was easy to pick up the sudden mood change in the elevator and feel the tension in the air. Something was up but the two agents looking at each other didn't have any idea what.

Unlike Ziva, who was tapping something on her computer and then leaning back on her chair. She was getting sick of this all – sick of all the tension, pressure and the endless flow of questions. She didn't have any idea was she fine or what was happening, so who was she to answer all the questions? She felt ungrateful for growing even mild disliking towards the team at that moment but couldn't help it. She was so tired, worn out and about to fall into desperation.

Ziva thought about the moments in Colombia, about the kiss, the talks with Monique and Tony. They all seemed to be blurred into a same image of her being completely clueless and dragged into million different directions. It was like she had lost her own inner voice and someone else was making all these choices for her, but it was going to stop now. She was going to take a chance with the life she could have if all of this wasn't pulling her down.

Ziva stood up and walked up the stairs and went straight to Vance's office. He was busy doing paperwork but the words Ziva said made him drop the pencil from his hand and his mouth to fall slightly open.

"Are you sure?" Vance asked and frowned.

"I need this more than anything right now," Ziva said and nodded.

"What about Gibbs? And the rest of the team?" Vance asked and told his secretary to bring the specific papers he needed.

"This is just for me and them," she said and squeezed her hands into a tight fist, "I need this, director".

"Understood," Vance nodded and took the papers from his secretary.

"Thank you," Ziva said and swallowed hard. She didn't want to imagine the moment she'd drop the bomb to the team, but she had to do this – now or never.

* * *

**Okay, now again, I will ask you to keep your minds open. From this chapter on, you're really gonna need it!**  
**See you in the next chapter and keep the reviews coming xo**

**~ L**


	12. Chapter 12

When Ziva was changing her life, the investigation of a drug overdosed victim was rather silent. Everyone seemed to have fallen deep into their own thoughts, even Ducky and Palmer. They did they work in silence and occasionally said something to one another to keep the work going on smoothly.

"TOD, Duck," Gibbs asked and turned a fresh page of his notepad.

"Jethro, I know I am good, but -"

"TOD, doctor," Gibbs insisted until he got the answer that was 0210 AM. He turned the body a bit and saw the bullet holes that went through at through.

"What do you think, doctor?" Gibbs pointed the wounds.

"I think, Mr. Palmer should get me the gurney already, so that I could get this poor fellow on my autopsy table," Ducky said and looked at behind him, "Mr. Palmer -"

"Right here, Doctor," Palmer smiled slightly and pushed the gurney near the body.

Gibbs watched how they lifted the lifeless body on the gurney.

Palmer pushed the gurney back to the truck but Ducky didn't follow him - he turned around and looked at Gibbs, "Are you okay?"

"Don't ask stupid questions, Ducky. It's too early for that," Gibbs said dryly and walked away, never even giving the doctor to chance to ask a follow up question.

"Boss, I took the pictures and now what?" Tony walked to Gibbs who was leaning against car and looking frustratedly at his phone.

"And I have the fingerprint," McGee came to stand beside Tony.

"Damn this thing isn't working again!" Gibbs barked and threw his phone to McGee, "Reboot it and after that, send everything you know to Ziva, so she can already start backgrounding the victim. And then, you both, get in the car!"

McGee looked at his boss' phone, "Put the power on the next time," he said and threw it back to Gibbs, before sitting in the backseat because Tony screamed 'shotgun'.

* * *

After returning to the headquarters, Tony, McGee and Gibbs walked to the squad room and wondered where Ziva was.

"Maybe she's in the hit," Tony thought and even though he didn't show it, he was very concerned about his partner's well being. He knew something was bothering her. He could feel it and see it so clearly, but he was afraid to ask because he thought he might be the problem himself.

"No, she's not," McGee knew and watched how Ziva came down the stairs, "What was she doing there?"

"Gibbs?" Ziva rushed to the squad room with papers in her hand.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"I need to talk to you, in private," she said and nodded her way to somewhere where they could be alone.

Gibbs didn't answer, he just stood up and followed her lead.

Tony and McGee looked them and wondered what was going on.

"Do you know anything about this, probie?" Tony asked.

"No. Do you?" McGee asked back.

"No," Tony said and thought he had just shed a little white lie, because this all might be about him and what he briefly had had with Ziva. Maybe the momentary fun was now sabotaging everything.

* * *

"I wanted to tell this to you first," Ziva said and sat down on a chair in the conference room. She put the papers on the table and kept a close eye on them and her boss. She cleared her throat and took as comfortable position on the chair as she could, because this was not going to be easy.

"Tell me what, Ziva?" Gibbs asked and was tempted to look at the papers on the table, but focused on his agent first.

"You know, that even in this current situation, I am always thankful for you," she said and bit her lip. She looked nervous and kept gazing at the floor every now and then, "You came to save my life and you rescued me. I know you were not the only one to do so, but you were still there. You brought me back here, back home," she kept explaining, "And that is why I am thankful."

"What are you trying to say?" Gibbs didn't have an idea where she was heading, but that was a blessing in disguise at that moment.

"I am trying to say that I am having a hard time to deal with all of this and I am not just talking about Tony and me, or what it caused between him and me and you and me, but all of this in general. I feel like I am lost and I need a direction and I need it badly," Ziva said and it almost hurt her to look at her boss' blue eyes and pour this all to him, "When I was in Colombia, I had a talk with Monique. She said I should do something else with my life when I still have a chance. She lost hers years ago and told me how much she regretted it. And it all made me think, that -"

Gibbs barely had courage to breathe and Ziva felt like she was about to break him apart.

"That this might be my time, to change things," she breath out and pushed the papers closer to Gibbs, "Those are papers for a temporary leave of absence and they are affected immediately after you sign them".

Gibbs looked at the papers and then Ziva. He wished he could smack some sense into her, but he felt like it would be in vain, so instead of that he just looked at her and tried to think of just how lost she had to be even suggest this.

"I need change, Gibbs, because I am losing myself into all this," she said and felt her eyes turning glassy, "I do not know who I am anymore".

"So you decide to escape?" he asked quietly.

"No, Gibbs," she shook her head, "This time, I am choosing me," she smiled sadly and felt how tears formed in the corner of her eyes and then ran down on her cheeks, "I need to do this".

"We can figure this out in here, without you or any of us leaving," Gibbs said and looked at her and then the papers in front of him. He looked at Ziva's and Vance's signatures and felt like everything had happened behind his back. He had no idea what had happened in Colombia and when he realized that something actually was going on in between Tony and Ziva, it had already been too late - but none of those acknowledgments didn't hurt as much as the fact, that Ziva had decided this all by herself. She had carried all this weight on her shoulders and didn't even bother to tell him - or was maybe some of this his fault too? He was so busy barking at her about the rules that he had missed the pain Ziva was going through.

"We cannot," she knew better and tried to dry her stubborn tears.

"Did you think about the team at all?" Gibbs asked and still tried to grasp the concept of her leaving.

"I did," Ziva answered, "I am doing this for them too. I need to figure out my own life before I can decide whether to be part of this family again".

"You can't do this. No, you - you can't do this," Gibbs repeated.

"You have to sign them," Ziva said.

"I won't," he hesitated.

"Then I do this without your permission," Ziva said and stood up. She was trying to gather the papers back to herself when Gibbs stopped her.

"You'll break this family," he said, "And we're all you have in here. The real family of yours is somewhere you are not".

Ziva smiled a sad smile and shed another tear, "I know, but I am still doing this".

When Gibbs noticed that her mind was made, he wrote his name on the papers, allowing Ziva her leave of absence and allowing the team to break apart.

"I am sorry," she said and sobbed.

Gibbs touched her cheek and dried her tears, "Me too".

* * *

**So... Any thoughts? Are you in a some state of shock or what? Tell me.**  
**I told you to keep an open mind and jesus christ, I hope you all keep it like that till the end! **  
**Thank you for the PM's and reviews! I appreciate them all! See you in next chapter xo**

**~ L**


	13. Chapter 13

Before returning to the squad room, Ziva asked Gibbs to be quiet about her decisions. The rest of the team would find out the next day that she wouldn't be coming back to work anytime soon. She said that after everybody else would have left, except for Gibbs, she'd pack her things and leave. Ziva wanted him to be there and look her in the eye and say that this would never be a grudge in between them.

Gibbs agreed to her request and returned to squad room as she went to the break room to get some coffee.

"Where's Ziva?" Tony asked from his boss and sensed that something had changed again, he just didn't know what it was.

"Break room," Gibbs said and sat behind his desk as Tony rushed to see Ziva because he wanted to know what was going in.

McGee looked at his boss who was looking upset and sighing very loudly.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Go to see if Abby needs help," Gibbs said and watched how the probie did as he asked him to. Maybe Abby did need help, but even if she didn't, Gibbs certainly needed a little alone time to think.

What Ziva had said was like a bomb that was dropped on his mind. Even thought this wasn't a goodbye, it certainly felt like one. He didn't want to face the day again when someone else would sit behind Ziva's desk. He had seen that day once and that was enough.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Tony met Ziva in the break room. He walked to her and made her put the coffee mug from her hand back on the table.

"I was going to get coffee, but," she said slowly and then looked at him, "Guess I am not..."

He could see it clearly, "Have you been crying?" he asked even though a direct yes to his question would be unlikely.

Ziva turned her gaze away from his eyes and filled the mug with coffee, "What do you want?"

"What is going on?" Tony asked.

Ziva turned around to walk away from him, but Tony stopped her – he grabbed her by the arm and sat her down on the nearest chair. He sat next to her and look painfully sincere that it almost hurt Ziva to know what he would go through tomorrow.

"Tell me," Tony asked and looked deep into her eyes, as he took her hands on his.

"Why?" Ziva asked and made him go a little baffled.

"Because, uh," he shook his head a little bit, "Because I wanna know what is bothering you so badly that you interrupt Gibbs during his work and come crying back".

"Who said I was crying?" Ziva asked and looked at his hands on hers.

"Come on, don't lie to me," Tony said and tried desperately to make eye contact with her.

"Who said I was lying?" she asked and kept her gaze on their hands.

"Ziva," Tony started but didn't go any further, when she suddenly stood up and looked at him like a criminal.

"Just stop," Ziva said, "Stop acting like we are friends again. You know that it is impossible after what we had gone through!"

"I just want to know what is going on," Tony asked and stood up too.

"Nothing is going on!" she said and raised her voice.

He looked at her for a while, "You are a terrible liar".

"Whatever! At least I am not the only one," she said and turned around.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he grabbed her by the arm again.

"You know what it means," Ziva turned to look at him, "You try to be like everything is okay. Why cannot you see that nothing is like what it used to be? I am so tired of pretending that everything is fine! I cannot even look at you anymore without feeling like the worst person in the world! I cannot be around you without thinking what you said to me and what happened! I cannot just pass all this and be like nothing happened!"

"And you think I can?" he asked and shook his head, "This isn't easy for me either! Do you think I enjoy looking at you when you are like this? Do you think it gives me some sick pleasure to see you in this... pain you are in? I wanna help you but I know I can't, so I just act like I am okay! It's not easy because," he took a pause to catch his breath, "Because all I wanna do right now, is to wrap my arms around you and tell you that everything will be fine, but I know I can't, so I won't do it. But don't question it for a second that I wouldn't do it if I only could."

Ziva looked away and bit her lip, "You make this impossible".

"Then let's change this back to way it was! Let's remember how I showed up at your door and let's be meant to be again!" he said and grabbed her by the shoulders. He was more than serious about this and he hoped she'd be too.

Ziva narrowed her eyes, "That is not funny".

"No, I'm serious!" he tried to convince her.

"I cannot believe you are even suggesting that," she shook her head and pushed him away. She looked at him from a little distance and then left him alone in the break room.

Tony kicked one of the chairs and then lifted the mug that still had the coffee Ziva hadn't even tasted. He looked at the liquid and then threw the mug to the nearest wall. It broke into pieces and reminded him about his own life.

* * *

Ziva rushed back into the squad room and noticed how McGee looked at her curiously. He wondered why she looked like she had just need a ghost. She sat behind her desk and tried to gather her thoughts. Tony was messing with her head, trying to make her change her mind about -

But he didn't know... Tony had no idea that after today, she was not showing up here anytime soon. He was still blissfully unaware of what tomorrow was going to bring.

"Are you okay?" McGee asked and Ziva dropped back to the presence.

"I am fine," she said and smiled quickly.

McGee walked to her desk and his facial expression was so compassionate that Ziva had to look away for few seconds.

"You look troubled," he said and leaned towards her desk.

"I am fine," she tried to convince him.

"Tony is right," McGee huffed, "You are a terrible liar".

"McGee, I am fine. I am just a little tired," she said and stood up, "You do not need to worry about me".

"But I do it anyway, so you might as well tell me what is going on," McGee said and watched how Ziva tried to occupy herself by organizing her desk. She placed the files to certain piles and into an alphabetic order.

"Did I ever thank you?" she said with a quiet voice that he barely heard.

"About what?"

She lift her gaze slowly to meet his eyes and smiled sadly, "About Somalia," she answered and yet again, opened UP the wounds and memories.

McGee frowned to the sudden flashback he had, "What about it? I didn't do much. I was having enough with lying uncontentious on the floor and trying to remember the plan".

"I will still thank you for saving my life," Ziva said and leaned over to place a kiss on his cheek, "Thank you, Tim".

McGee smiled to her sudden action, "You're welcome," he said and shrugged, "I mean that's what you do for a family – no one gets left behind".

Ziva went a little more serious, "Yes," she said quietly and thought how lucky he was still for not knowing how she was going to break the family apart very soon.

"Anyway, I gotta go back to see Abby, I was only here to pick up few files to get to her," McGee said and stopped one more time before going back to the lab, "Are you sure, you're okay?"

"I am," Ziva nodded and watched him rush away, as she sat back on her chair and sighed deeply.

* * *

**Let's save the pain for later, right? Are you guys still okay?**  
**See you in next chapter xo**

**~ L**


	14. Chapter 14

The hours passed and by the ends of the day, everybody was leaving home, except for Gibbs, who had spent the last hours in a video conference at MTAC and for Ziva, who had silently sat by her desk and thought about how she was going to break the news of her temporary departure to McGee and Tony.

Ziva watched how McGee was the first one to go home, but she really didn't get a chance to say anything meaningful to him, because he just plainly said "Goodnight". She just smiled and he left.

Slowly Ziva dragged her gaze back to the squad room and the man sitting behind his desk, focusing on something else than her. It looked like he was about to be leaving, so she took the chance to stop him.

"Tony," Ziva said and caught his attention immediately.

"I am sorry for how I reacted," she apologized. She remembered the words he had said, but they seemed like a harmless mistake that could be forgiven.

"No," Tony said, picked up his backpack and walked to her desk, "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking clearly - and the moment was just..." he trailed off, before continuing with an apology, "I'm sorry".

"It is okay," Ziva smiled.

Tony looked at her for a while and suddenly everything seemed a little clearer. He didn't know was it maybe the smile she just had given him or the way they apologized, but he felt certain kind of hope inside of him.

"You know," he said and smiled, "I think we can do this".

"Do what?" Ziva was confused.

"Be friends. I think we can do that," Tony said hopefully.

She smiled and remembered once again how oblivious he was about her plan, but she couldn't bare to tell him everything now and broke all the dreams of friendship apart, so she just nodded and said yes.

"And I was just thinking, that you know, we could, um... celebrate our renewed friendship and visit the new coffee shop that was just opened around the corner! You know, the one that is keeping Gibbs happier now?" Tony suggested.

Ziva should have said no, but the way he was looking at her, kept her from saying that. So honest, so hopeful, it was too much to be crushed by the truth.

"I would be happy to go there," she smiled.

"Great! We'll visit there tomorrow!" Tony said excitedly.

Ziva frowned and felt her stomach twisting into knots, because this was it - this was the moment she could tell him that they wouldn't meet tomorrow. She felt terrible, when she opened her mouth and the words she was supposed say didn't come out after all.

"Sounds like a plan," she lied, but he didn't know it – he just smiled like a excited little child at his birthday when he had gotten what he wanted the most.

"Good! So see you tomorrow then! Goodnight, Ziva," he smiled warmly and left her alone in the squad room.

She was going to wave at him but she was too afraid to turn around in her chair, because maybe if he'd see her now, he'd see that she was lying. So instead of waving, she kept looking at her desk and after hearing a slam from upstairs, she lifted her gaze to see what was happening there.

It was Gibbs slamming the MTAC's door well shut and running down the stairs. He was a like a cloud that brought the rain, but it in this case, a man who brought desperation when he arrived back to the squad room.

"What is it?" Ziva asked.

"The victim was a moron, that is what," he said and hit his table, "This is worthless!"

"What is?" she asked and wondered what made him so angry.

"The bastard was in a witness protection! That will complicate this case so much more!" Gibbs revealed and slammed his desk again, "Why didn't anyone inform me about this?"

Ziva stood up, took a file into her hands and then gave it to Gibbs, "Here".

"Why didn't you give this to me before?" he raised his voice.

"You did not ask and I was, um -" she tried to find a proper word to use, "I had other things in my mind".

It felt like a lightning strike to his mind when he remember that the time was running out and there was nobody left but him and Ziva.

"That raises a question," Gibbs said slowly, "Why didn't you talk about this sooner?"

"About me leaving or the case?" Ziva asked.

"About you leaving," Gibbs answered.

Ziva took a deep breath, "How could I have told you about this? How could have I told you that I am leaving? I did not figure this out in a day, if that is what you mean. I have been thinking about this for a while, I just could not tell about it to any of you".

Gibbs looked away, "You could've talked to me".

"No, I could have not. I see the way you have been acting all day, so image you acting like that for days," Ziva said and shook her head.

"But I still prefer that you'd stay and we could all figure this out, including DiNozzo," Gibbs suggested and stood up. He slowly walked to Ziva's desk and leaned against it.

"And we would come to... What conclusion?" Ziva shrugged and sat back on her chair. She turned off her computer and took out a cardboard box she had been hiding under her desk all day.

"I don't know, but you wouldn't necessarily have to leave," Gibbs said.

"Gibbs," she said slowly, "This is not all about of what happened, it is mostly about me. I need to do this now or never, Gibbs. I need to see what else is in there, before I can decide is this all I want to dedicate the best years of my life to".

"But what about us?" he said and pointed at Tony's, McGee's and his desks.

"I am sorry, to put you all through this, but you all will learn to be without me," Ziva said and slowly packed her things into the cardboard box.

"We never got over the last time you were gone," Gibbs reminded and she turned quickly to look at him. It was clear how he was referring to the time she went back to Tel Aviv and didn't return anytime soon.

"Please, do not make this harder than it already is," Ziva asked and wanted to repress the memory of Somalia back into the back of her mind.

"Ziva," Gibbs looked at her very sincerely, "Don't go".

"I have to," she smiled a sad smile.

They looked at each other for a while, until he broke the silence, "Uh, I need coffee," he threw his hands in the air, "I'll be right back," he said and rushed into the break room.

Ziva looked at the cardboard box on the table. It was filled with memories, flags of the two countries that were her homes and papers and pictures along the way. She looked at the three desks surrounding her. Those three people - and the few downstairs and upstairs – had changed her life completely. Jenny had brought her here to be a liaison officer of Mossad and she would now leave as an agent of NCIS. Ziva had changed her life upside down and what she had gotten from it was a lifetime of memories and a second family.

The three desks surrounding hers were the ones who kept her head together in the middle of chaos, they would cheer her up and support her whenever she needed it. How could she ever forget them? How could she forget McGee showing her the American culture from his point of view, his video playing skills and his friendly being? And Gibbs, who was more like a father to her and showed her that everything in life isn't all black and white? And Tony...

Ziva looked at the desk in front of hers.

How could she ever forget Tony? His childish humor, his annoying habits, his constant bragging, endless stories about women and also his caring heart, his will to save her from wherever she was, his promises and gentle looks? She would never forget them nor him.

Ziva noticed how a single tear ran down her cheek.

It was a genuine moment to cry, to cherish what she had and what she had had. Did she ever thank about the little things as well as the big things? Did she ever say thanked the people who helped her when she did something wrong or when she was having difficult time in her life? Maybe she had, but it wasn't enough - it was never going to be enough.

She noticed how much she owned to the team and how much they had changed her. All the feelings became so overwhelming that they made her cry and it didn't stop even when Gibbs came back from the break room.

"I am so sorry," she sobbed and Gibbs ran to her, placed the coffee mugs to her table and held her tight. He tried to comfort a woman who was just like that about to change her life and was still shaking like a scared little girl. He couldn't blame her will to experience a little more since all she had done in her life was about missions, death and endless amount of case files. It wasn't a surprise that she wanted to try something else. There was a time when he could have done the same too, but lost the chance for work. He might have regretted it sometimes but it was only a hazy memory nowadays, when it the past it use to haunt him constantly.

"It's okay," Gibbs kept on hushing her, "It'll all be okay".

It took few moments for her crying to turn into desperate sobs. Ziva parted from him and looked around herself.

"I have everything packed now. This is what I will take with me now," she said and pointed at the cardboard box, "And if it comes to the point that I am not returning back here anytime soon and you have to get someone to replace me, just put these things to somewhere safe so that I can one day come and pick them up".

"I will," Gibbs said and lifted the box as Ziva took her coat and keys.

"Thank you," she said and took the box from his arms.

They walked to the elevator together and after pressing the button that would take her away from the building, she turned around one more time.

"I guess this is it, for now," she said and tried to keep her voice from shaking so badly.

"Yeah, I guess it is," Gibbs sighed.

"Can you do me one more favor?" Ziva asked.

"Anything".

"Can you tell the team that I am sorry and that this is not about them. Tell them that they mean so much to me and that I am so grateful, but I have to figure out what I want before I can make more decisions," she said and felt the tears running down her cheeks again.

"I will," Gibbs said and brushed her cheek with his fingers.

"And tell Tony, that," she had to take a pause between the silent sobs, "This is not happening because of him. He should not blame himself. And make sure he knows how much he means to me".

"I promise to tell him that," Gibbs nodded.

"And you," Ziva said but didn't know how to continue, so she just dropped the box slowly on the floor and then leaned over to hug him tightly.

That sincere moment lasted for a little while until she decided that it was time for her to leave. She picked up her stuff, stepped into the elevator and looked deep into her boss' blue eyes until the doors closed. After she had pressed the button that would take her to the level with a nearest exit, she stood still for a moment and then broke into a desperate tears and fell onto her knees. She sobbed all the way down and once the doors opened up again and she was out from the building, she could feel how everything hurt in the deepest roots of her heart. She felt so bad to to leave the team, but she couldn't stay with them, not until she found had out who she really was, who she could be and what she wanted.

Back in the squad room, Gibbs stared at the closed doors and wished that they would open up again and that Ziva would come back, saying that this was all a mistake and she wasn't really going to go anywhere – but she didn't come back. The doors remained closed and the silence covered the whole squad room.

And it all hit him once again – the sadness, despair and frustration hit him like a tides hit the rocks of a cold shore. And just then, he shed a bittersweet tear.

* * *

**So, how are you all doing now? Are you okay? This is just the first of the saddest moments, more are coming.**  
**I actually did cry when I wrote this. I had such a vivid image of Gibbs in this situation, looking all broken and hopeless that it just broke my heart and made me cry. Yeah, writing is quite emotional to me.**  
**But okay, keep your minds open and we'll see again in the next chapter xo**

**~ L**


	15. Chapter 15

Tony felt great the next morning. He had gotten up a little bit earlier than usual and eaten a nice breakfast and found his favorite tie again, it had been lost for weeks. Everything seemed so good, it was like the whole world was smiling at him and welcoming him into a brand new day with sunshine and birds chirping. He felt content, happy and excited.

The last days and weeks had been tough, but they were passed now and he and Ziva could start all fresh. They would renew their friendship and it would be stronger than ever. All thought Tony still had unfinished feelings towards her, he was still sure than in time, they would fade away and everything would be okay.

He drove to work free from the usual traffic jam and it made him even more happier. Usually he'd have to wait for tens of minutes before actually moving forward in the traffic. The radio played his favorite song and he sang by it, while tapping the steering wheel with his fingers.

Tony arrived to the headquarters and saw Abby.

"Abs?" he called out to her.

"Good morning," she smiled brightly as they walked towards the elevator.

"Good morning indeed," Tony smiled back as they waited for it to arrive.

Abby narrowed her eyes, "Is that an actually genuine smile?" she asked.

Tony laughed a little bit as they stepped on the arrived elevator, "Yeah it is. What else would it be?"

"Oh, I just wasn't sure since all you've done for the past week is frowning and a lot of sad faces," Abby explained, "So I just wanted to know is that smile real".

"Understood. And yes it most certainly is," Tony grinned.

"Can I ask you why are you smiling so much?" Abby questioned.

"It's a beautiful morning, Abs! And I have things planned for today!" Tony said mysteriously which made Abby ever more curious.

"Oh, tell me, tell me!" she asked and clapped her hands.

"I am going to go and have coffee with Ziva," Tony said and smiled, "And we're gonna try to be friends".

"Really?" Abby asked, smiled widely and hugged him, "That's great! Oh my God, I'm so happy that you're trying to work it out, considering what you've both been through!"

Tony parted from her, "I know, right? Isn't it great?"

"It is! But what made you figure this all out?" Abby asked.

"Well, I thought that if I can't be anything else, I could at least be her friend. I mean that's even something. If I can't have her... romantically, I'll have her as a close friend," Tony said and smiled, "I know it won't be easy, but I'm still very excited about this!"

Abby smiled for a moment, "You have really missed her, haven't you?"

Tony flashed a quick, sentimental smile, "Yeah, so much".

"Well, now you two can be friends again and there won't be that awkwardness between you two anymore!" Abby chirped.

"Sounds so great, doesn't it?" Tony asked and then sighed, "I really believe we can do this".

"I know you can," Abby said, "You two are meant to be, for something. Maybe it's friendship after all".

Tony looked at Abby quickly, "Yeah, could be".

She felt like she had brought his mood down a nudge, "It's better than nothing it all, right?"

"It is," Tony said and felt a little sadness covering his happiness, "You know, I really wanted us to work out romantically. And I was so sure that nothing could stand in our way, not even Gibbs. I knew that we would be strong and now that I look back to all of what happened... I don't know where we went wrong?"

"Maybe nothing did, maybe it was just meant to be like this," Abby shrugged.

"Funny, how you keep saying meant to be, without fully knowing what it really means," Tony let out a silent chuckle.

"It doesn't matter what it's there for, what really matter is that it is there," Abby said and hugged him again, "I know you and Ziva are meant to be, one way and another. Maybe not romantically but as at least friends, and who knows, maybe the friendship is more than romance in the end?"

"But I wanted it so bad. I wanted a chance for us,," Tony said and shook his head as he parted from Abby.

"I know you did and I'm sure she knew it too, but what can you do about it now? It's all in the past and you can't go back there, no matter how much you'd want to," Abby said and flashed a supporting smile.

"Yeah," Tony sighed, "I guess you're right".

"I am," Abby laughed a little bit, " And I know, you'll make it as friends this time".

"Hope so," Tony smiled and watched how they both arrived to the squad room's floor, "Are you coming here too?"

"I am," Abby nodded, "Gibbs called me this morning to meet him in the squad room".

"Strange. He didn't call me," Tony wondered.

"Maybe because this is like the first place you come in the morning anyway?" Abby pointed out.

"Oh, yeah, right. But why would he call you here?" Tony thought and rubbed his chin, "Maybe he's gonna buy us coffee or something?"

"Don't wish too much," Abby laughed and linked arms with Tony.

They arrived to the squad room and saw Ducky who was leaning against Gibbs' table and talking to McGee.

"What are you doing here, Duck?" Tony asked.

"Ah, good morning Anthony and Abigail," Ducky said cheerfully, "Jethro called me this morning. He told me to meet him here. Why do you ask?"

"He called me too, Ducky. We were just wondering why," Abby said.

Tony sat behind his desk and Abby sat on his table.

"What is going on?" Tony asked, "And where is the bossman himself?"

"I think he went to the hit. Or to see Vance," McGee thought.

Then Tony noticed someone else missing, but it wasn't Palmer who had called to say that he was going to be late, "Where's Ziva?"

Abby turned to look at her desk and so did McGee and Ducky.

"Maybe he's late," the probie shrugged.

Tony checked his watch, "Ziva is rarely late. Has something happened to her?"

"No, I don't think so. Maybe she just got stuck in the traffic or something," McGee said and didn't give it that much of a thought.

Finally Gibbs rushed into the squad room. He looked like he had spent the night at work.

"Boss, what is going on? Where's Ziva?" Tony stood up from his chair.

"I have something to tell to you all, that's why I asked Ducky and Abby here," Gibbs looked around himself, "Where's Palmer?"

"Late," Ducky said and shrugged, "He called and said that he'll come late. I don't know the reason for that but I think it has something to do with him and Breena".

"Well, anyway," Gibbs cleared his throat. He looked like he had aged five years in one day and he seemed somehow very vulnerable, "Ziva is not coming to work today".

"When will she come back then? Tomorrow?" Abby asked.

"I, um -" Gibbs hesitated, "I don't know".

"What do you mean, you don't know?" Tony asked and started to sound really worried.

"Ziva had asked for a leave of absence from Vance yesterday and if would be affected immediately if the team leader would sign it," Gibbs revealed and made everybody confused.

"And you signed it?" Tony asked patiently and looked utterly baffled.

"I did, yesterday. I couldn't change her mind, so I didn't have another choice," Gibbs admitted.

"What? How could you just sign it? It's Ziva, god dammit!" Tony raised his voice. He was clearly upset and didn't care if it showed or not.

"Gibbs," Abby said silently and looked at her boss like a child who had realized for the first time that her father was just an ordinary man - not a superhero with amazing powers.

"She wanted to go and see what else life had to offer, that is what she told me to tell to you. She wanted you to know that this wasn't any of your fault, it's about her. She has to see life in order to make up her mind," Gibbs said and knew that whatever he said didn't matter – he would still get the blame.

"Make up her mind about what?" McGee asked.

"Whether to stay here or not," Gibbs answered.

"What?" Tony asked, "She just can't choose something like that! We're like a family to her! We're all she has in here! She can't just abandon us like that!"

"She just needs a little time," Gibbs remained somewhat calm.

"For how long?" Abby asked, "We've seen the cases where the temporary leave of absence turns to permanent," she pointed out.

"Let's not jump into the worst case scenario yet, Abigail," Ducky reminded and turned to look at Gibbs, "Jethro, did she say how long she'll be gone? Did she say an exact time or anything?"

"No, she said it might or might not take a while," Gibbs estimated.

"A while?" Tony repeated, "And how long is that? A day, a month, a year?"

"I don't know, DiNozzo," Gibbs shook his head.

"Why didn't you ask? Why didn't you try to stop her?" Tony asked.

"I tried, but she really wanted to leave, so I signed the paper and gave her my permission," Gibbs said and tried to convince that this situation was as unpleasant to him as it was to anybody else.

"This is juch ridiculous!" Tony said and grabbed his keys.

"What are you doing? Where are you going?" Gibbs asked.

"Tony?" Abby said quietly and straightened herself to stand up.

"I'm gonna go look for her!" Tony said.

"You won't find her, so let it be," Gibbs said.

"No!" Tony argued back, "She can't just do this to us! After all we've been through together she can't just walk out like this has all have been a temporary plan!"

"It's no use, DiNozzo. You won't find her," Gibbs pointed out in vain, because he knew that there was no way to change his senior field agent's mind.

"But I'm gonna try anyway! I'm gonna try harder than you did!" Tony said loudly. He was so sure that his boss had made the greatest error of his life that he refused to even think that maybe Gibbs was actually speaking the truth.

When Gibbs saw Tony leave, he tried to stop him one more time, "Wait!"

"What?" Tony turned around.

Gibbs walked a little closer to him, "She wanted me to tell you that this not because of you," Gibbs told him what Ziva wanted Tony to know, "And she wanted you to know how much you mean to her".

Tony looked at his boss with mixed feelings of anger, desperation and sadness, "But it is my fault. I made her to feel like this".

"No you didn't," Gibbs knew, "I know, you didn't".

"How could you know that?" Tony asked.

"Because I felt the same as she did. I wanted to change my life like she did and no one made me do it, it was all me. But the difference here is, that I didn't do it. I stayed the same, unlike her - she took the step that I never had the courage to take. And it's better that she took it, because if she decides to come back, she can do so without any regrets".

"Yeah, exactly," Tony said, "_If _she comes back," he emphasized the if.

"DiNozzo, just let her go," Gibbs suggested.

"The difference here is that you might have not had anyone to tell you no back then, but she has. _I_ want her to stay here, that is what I'm gonna tell her," Tony said.

"And then what?" Gibbs asked and finally made Tony speechless.

"I don't know, but she has to come back. She is part of the family. We need her," he said and took a breath, "I... need her," he confessed.

Gibbs looked at Tony very seriously and shook his head, "You won't find her".

Tony didn't say anything back. He walked to the elevator and then out of the building. He was determined to get Ziva back no matter what.

Gibbs came back to McGee, Abby and Ducky who had watch the powerful scene between two agents very intensively.

"He's going out to get her back?" McGee asked.

"He's stubborn," Gibbs shrugged, "But I know he isn't gonna find her, but let him try. He'll see it himself".

"Isn't that a little harsh?" Abby asked.

"There's no other way to make him believe that Ziva isn't returning anytime soon," Gibbs pointed out.

"He's right, Abs. Tony wouldn't believe until he'd realize it himself," McGee agreed with his boss.

Abby sighed, "Guess so," she said and and started walking towards the elevator.

"Are you okay, Abs?" Gibbs asked.

She shook her head, "No. I miss her already," she said and dragged herself into the elevator. She tried so hard, but couldn't help the tears that soon ran down on her cheeks.

"Go with her," Gibbs said to McGee, who nodded and ran after Abby.

"And you, Jethro, are you okay?" Ducky turned to look at him.

"Did I fail her in some way? Did I do something so horrible wrong that she had to leave?" Gibbs asked.

"You didn't Jethro. She has to do this and you know that yourself," Ducky said tapped Gibbs on the shoulder, "See you later".

"Thanks, Duck," Gibbs said and watched him walk away.

Now he was standing in the squad room all alone. He looked around himself and knew that if he hadn't disappointed Ziva, he had certainly disappointed himself. Maybe he should have fought more whether it was in vain or not? After all, she was a member of the team and like a daughter to him.

* * *

**So how are you feeling now? For me, it was especially painful to write the morning scene. Thinking about Tony being so happy and stuff and then seeing all that joy breaking into little pieces? It's just awful.**  
**Thank you for all the reviews and comments! I appreciate them all, so keep them coming! See you in the next chapter xo**

**~ L**


	16. Chapter 16

Tony drove the familiar road to Ziva's apartment. He wanted to know what was going on and meet her face to face, maybe he could talk some sense into her.

He arrived at her door and he had a whole speech prepared in his mind, but then he ran into a problem – the door was locked and he didn't own a key. He ran his hand through his hair and then, like a miracle, the janitor happened to walk down the hallway.

"Hello, Mr. Eckless!" Tony smiled charmingly.

"Ah, Mr. DiNozzo! I haven't seen you here in a while! How have you been?" Mr. Eckless, an older man with a warm heart smiled widely.

"Never better!" Tony said quickly, "Listen, can I ask you for a favor? Ziva left few things in here and she got caught up at work, so she asked me to get them, but she forgot to give me her key, so could you be a lifesaver and open the door for me?" he shed a little white lie.

"Miss Ziva left very early this morning," Mr. Eckless said, "And she seemed to be in a rush".

"Yeah, it's been really busy," Tony said and thought that this would be a good idea to ask, did he have any idea where she might have gone, "Did she say where she was going?"

"Work?" Mr. Eckless thought, "She was busy, that is all I know".

"Okay," Tony nodded, "But, um, could you open the door? She really needs the... papers she had forgotten!" he lied smoothly.

"Oh, sure, sure," Mr. Eckless said and dig the keys from deep inside of his pocket, "There we go," he smiled and opened the door.

"Thank you so much," Tony said and stepped into the apartment, "Ziva will thank you for this later!"

"No problem," Mr. Eckless smiled and put the keys back into his pocket.

"You can go, I will lock the door and leave soon," Tony said and waited until Mr. Eckless had left, before he'd start searching the apartment. Maybe there would be clues or something, that would clear out this situation.

He walked into the kitchen and saw the morning paper on the table – it was read through and through. He looked around himself and saw that the sink had no unwashed dishes on it. It was really clean, just like the whole apartment.

Then Tony walked into the living room. He inhaled Ziva's familiar scent that was filling up every inch of the apartment. He didn't see anything suspicious anywhere so he headed towards the bedroom.

He sat on the bed and remembered the one night he had spent with her. Tony remembered how strongly he had felt towards her and how amazing she had been in bed. He remembered the scars and how he had kissed them. All these memories seemed almost painful now, that she was temporatily missing from his life.

Tony picked up the phone from his pocked and dialed Ziva's number. He reached the voice-mail, "Hey, it's me. Could you give me a call when you get this? I wanna know where you are. Okay, bye".

He looked around the bedroom but it seemed the same way as it had been when he last was there. Tony thought about it, but he didn't have the nerve to go through all of her drawers. She'd kill him, if she'd ever found out.

Suddenly Tony felt tired and even more clueless. He didn't have any idea where to look for Ziva. He had no idea where she would have gone. She was lost and away from him.

"Oh God," he muttered into the silence that was only there to listen to him, "Where the hell are you? Come back already".

Tony lied down on her bed and ran his hands on the sheets. He went through all the flashbacks from the night with her. He could remember her face, her breathing and her moaning. That one night was the most intimate thing Tony had ever had. It wasn't just because of the sex, it was because he had seen her so fragile and so bare - conquering vulnerability and reaching for a kiss.

The silence received a new confession from him, "I miss you," he whispered.

Didn't take that long for him to fall asleep and miss how someone had came into Ziva's apartment.

While Tony saw a dream about Ziva, he missed how the real one walked into the living room and sensed that she wasn't alone in the apartment. She walked around and saw Tony sleeping on her bed. Her eyes widened, partly because she had not expected this and partly because she didn't know what to do.

Ziva quietly passed the living room and went to the kitchen. From one corner that Tony hadn't realized to search from, she pulled out a suitcase. She quickly gazed at the bedroom to make sure he hadn't woken up - then she placed an envelope on the table. The cover said "To Tony" and she had meant to give it to him later, via mail or something, but she thought that this was a good opportunity to give it to him and she shouldn't waste it.

Then Ziva walked out of the apartment and the sound of a closing door woke Tony up.

He lifted his body to sit properly and looked around himself, "Ziva?" he asked, because he could have swore he had just heard the door open and close – or maybe it was the dream.

Tony stood up and walked to the kitchen. Ziva wouldn't mind, if he would have a glass a water, he thought to himself as he took a glass from the top shelf and poured water into it. While he was drinking it, he saw an envelope on the table and he realized, that it wasn't there before.

"So you were here," he said and placed the glass on the sink, sat on the kitchen chair and opened the envelope. He wasn't sure what the letter would say but he was waiting for an answer of why hadn't she told him anything about her leaving NCIS temporarily.

Ziva's handwriting looked rushed and some of the letters were a little hard to read, but Tony managed to understand everything she had written.

"I am sorry but I have to go. This is not because of you. I have to know who I am, before I make more decisions," Ziva had written and signed with her own name, after that she had added a PS writing that told him to tell Abby a big thank you for all the talks.

Tony sneered and placed the letter on the table. He thought what an short answer she had given for something so big that she had done. He also knew that this was about him. Tony had been close to her, even if it had been just a little while, he had seen her unsure and unready being, but maybe he had just ignored it and thought it'd go away in time. That might have been the mistake or then it was something else, something that only Ziva knew and Tony could guess.

He stood up, put the letter in his jacket's pocket and left her apartment.

* * *

**God damn he fell asleep! Oh, what do you think will happen next? Also, sorry that this chapter is rather short. I had to cut it because the next scenes are containing so many different moments and they are better put together.**  
**See you in the next chapter xo**

**~ L**


	17. Chapter 17

"Did you find her?" Gibbs asked and kept his gaze on his computer screen, when Tony came back to work.

"No," he collapsed on to his chair an sighed, "But I know she was there".

"How can you know that?" Gibbs asked and typed something with his keyboard.

"Because she wrote me a letter and it was on the kitchen table after I woke up," Tony explained.

Gibbs lifted his gaze from the computer, "You woke up?" he repeated, "Did she drug you or something?"

"I fell asleep on her bed... Long story," Tony frowned, "But I still know she was there. I just hope she could have woken me up".

"Why would she have woken you up? That you could ask her more questions and scare her away?" Gibbs pointed out.

"I don't know. I just wanna know the reason why she left," Tony said and tapped his table with his fingers.

"You know the reason, DiNozzo, why do you keep running after her anyway?" Gibbs asked and looked closely at his senior field agent.

"Why does it matter if I keep running after her? I just want her to come back, you know? I'll keep running around for the rest of my life, if that what it takes," Tony said and stood up, "But now I'm gonna see Abby".

"Why?" Gibbs asked and watched him go.

"I wanna make sure that Ziva is the only woman who is temporarily missing," Tony lied and refused to tell more about the letter that had words for Abby too.

* * *

Abby sat on a chair and stared intensively at the computer monitor. She had just gotten a matching result for two sets of fingerprints from the crime scene and now she was waiting for a database result to give her the names. Her focusing was disturbed when she heard the sound of footsteps behind her.

"Tony! Did you find her?" she hugged him tightly.

Tony shook his head and parted from her, "No".

Abby frowned, "Do you have any idea where she might be?" she asked and sat back on the chair. She felt disappointed that even Tony couldn't find Ziva.

Tony showed her the envelope, "I have something for you".

"From Ziva?" Abby asked and took the letter from him before he could object. She read it with such enthusiasm that it was almost sad to see it turn into a frown.

"Not really what you wanna read, is it?" Tony asked and lifted his eyebrows, "That's as good as nothing".

"But at least it's some kind of an explanation," Abby shrugged.

"What?" Tony asked, "Those are almost the same words as Gibbs said!"

"So maybe it's the truth then," Abby thought and smiled sadly at Tony, "She has made a decision and she'll come back, when she's ready".

"Do you really believe in that, Abs?" Tony crossed his arms to his chest.

"I trust her," Abby said and, "She'll come back. Don't you believe that?"

"No. I won't believe in anything as long as there's an 'if' involved," Tony said and turned around. He was about to walk away, when Abby grabbed his arm.

"Tony," she said, "Just give her some space. She just might need a little time and then she'll contact us".

"I'm not just gonna sit on my ass and wait! I have to find her, Abby," Tony said and turned to her, "I need to find her".

"But why? I mean, she's Ziva. She can take care of herself," Abby pointed out.

Her words weren't enough for Tony, "I know that, but I still have to find her".

"What do you want from her? She gave you an answer already. You know why she left," Abby wondered.

Tony stopped to think for a while. She was right – what was he wanting from Ziva? He had gotten the answer for her departure from Gibbs and from herself, so what was he still missing? Was it her saying the answer to him face to face? Was it one last chance to make her reconsider all this? Tony wasn't completely sure about anything except for one thing; he wanted to see her. He wanted to look at her in the eye, when she'd tell him why all over again. Even if she would leave anyway, at least he had gotten a chance to say goodbye.

"What is it?" Abby asked when she noticed just how hardly he was thinking about something.

"I miss her," Tony confessed quietly.

Abby's gaze softened and she slowly wrapped her arms around him, "I know you do, but you still have to give her some space. This is what she wanted, so just give her a chance and you'll see what happens".

"Yeah, I know, but still, I just..." he trailed off and scratched his head.

"Tony?" Abby asked and looked at him closely, "Are you... By any chance... In love with her?"

For a one, whole moment that seemed like million years, he froze completely. Abby's words had opened a door for even more closed feelings and he felt like he was about to drown because his emotions. Tony looked at Abby while a deep silence covered the whole lab. He should have had a whole denial speech prepared, but he had suddenly lost all his words.

"Tony?" Abby asked and broke the silence.

"I -" he was about to answer her question when his phone rang. After clearing his throat he answered, "What is it, probie? I'm with Abby. Where are you?"

"Looking for you!" McGee ran into the lab, "I need to talk to you".

"What is it?" Tony asked.

"I have an idea," he smiled mysteriously.

"What idea?" Abby asked curiously.

"How to find Ziva!" McGee said cheerfully and rushed to the computer, "I thought that, you know, she might have contacted at least someone, when she left here, so I had an idea that we could track down her -"

"Track down her phone calls and get her location. That's brilliant, McGee!" Abby said excitedly and punched him lightly to his shoulder as she shoved him out of the way and took over the keyboard, "Why didn't I thought about that sooner?"

"Doesn't matter, just do it," Tony rushed them.

McGee frowned to the fact that Abby took over his idea, but he knew that it wasn't as important as it was to possibly find Ziva.

"Okay, I got her cell records," Abby said and shrugged, "There's nothing interesting about them. She hasn't made any calls since she left from here".

"Check the location now," McGee rushed her.

"I know, I know," Abby said and tapped the computer to start locating Ziva's phone.

"What does it say?" Tony asked excitedly and he was tightly hanging onto the hope that he might actually find Ziva and get to talk to her.

"It can't be found," McGee said.

"What do you mean it can't be found?" Tony asked and felt how the hope had just been washed through the drains of the ruthless reality.

"Her phone's off, Tony," Abby explained and bit her lip.

"Jesus Christ! What is up with her? This is getting ridiculous! I just wanna talk to her and now she is making even that impossible! This is insane!" he yelled and stormed out of the lab.

McGee looked after him and lifted his eyebrows, "What's up with him? Why is he so upset?" he turned to look at Abby who was looking at him like an idiot.

"You really don't know?" she asked.

"Know what?" McGee was confused.

"Oh God, you don't know," Abby noticed, "Are you blind or something? You didn't know that any of this is going on?"

McGee looked very confused, "What is going on?"

"You really didn't hear anything even though you sit so close to them? You didn't see or feel anything at all?" Abby asked.

"Close to who?" McGee asked and was utterly baffled.

"Tony and Ziva, genious!" Abby said and shook her head, "You didn't know what was going on?"

McGee was getting more and more confused so he wanted an straight answer, "Please tell me, Abby".

She looked at him for a while and narrowed her eyes, "Fine," she agreed and started telling him about what had happened between Ziva and Tony. Once Abby was done with the whole story, McGee looked at her like he was about to fell into a deep state of shock.

"This has been going on right in front of me?" McGee asked and looked at Abby with his mouth wide open.

"Yup," she nodded, "Oh, poor you, McGee. You really need to practice these skills," she said and turned to look at the computer.

"What skills?" McGee asked.

"Investigative skills," Abby answered and printed out the result of the blood test she had ran a while ago.

"I am an agent, Abby, I do have those skills," McGee pointed out when Abby gave him the papers.

"That's right, Timmy," she agreed with a voice that was more specific to adults who were talking to cute animals or small children, "Now, be a good agent and give these to Gibbs. I gotta get back to work".

McGee didn't reply, he just walked to the elevator, stepped on it and as he pressed it to go to the squad room, he wondered himself how something so big could have happened without him noticing a thing.

* * *

**As I might now point out, Tony hasn't yet confessed or said anything about being in love with Ziva. But now his feelings has reached a stronger level. Does that mean he does really love her or what? This is getting real tricky, just like it's really tricky for me to remember the cases that they are working on in the background! I'm always like "Was this about murders or drugs or what?" and then I scroll and scroll and finally find it. It's frustrating, but I guess it's sorta natural, since I'm more into writing about their feelings and stuff, rather than murders or drugs.**  
**Anyway, thank you for all the reviews and keep them coming! Share your feelings and thoughts and stuff! And see you in the next chapter xo**

**~ L**


	18. Chapter 18

The drug dealer's case got more complicated ever since the team figured out that he was in witness protection and that the possible suspect's list kept on growing, since he wasn't the most loved person in the whole world, in fact he had more enemies than friends.

The papers Abby printed out and who McGee gave to Gibbs, revealed that the drug dealer, Henry Johnson, had out of all 22 suspects, two without a solid alibi. It was time to track these two gentlemen down from their hides.

"DiNozzo, you take McGee and check out the first suspect." Gibbs said and looked at them both.

"You mean Hendenrson or Moore?" McGee asked and looked at the papers in his hand and then Gibbs.

"Moore. You take care of him and I take care of Henderson," Gibbs answered, stood up and took out his gun and badge.

Tony didn't move anywhere from his desk, even though McGee was already ready to leave.

"Tony," he yelled to him to capture his attention.

"What?" he slowly turned his head to see the probie.

"We have to go," McGee said and grabbed his backpack, "We have to catch a bad guy".

"Oh, yeah," Tony said absentmindedly and slowly stood up.

"Are you okay?" McGee asked as he walked to Tony's desk.

"Meet me at the truck, I'm gonna make a phone call first," he said and pointed to Gibbs' desk where the keys were.

"Okay, sure," McGee agreed and didn't start pushing him about who he was going to call to, because he already know. After hearing the story about his co-workers from Abby, it was more than obvious who Tony was going to call.

After McGee left, Tony picked up his phone, "Hey, it's me again. I'm just trying to make you call to me again. I just wanna know how are you, so call me back, okay?" he left a message and then went to the garage.

* * *

"You haven't said anything in a minute, should I be concerned?" McGee asked and quickly gazed at Tony while he was driving.

"I don't feel like it," Tony answered.

"Really? You must be sick or something then," McGee rolled his eyes.

"Shut up, probie and drive," Tony hissed and kept looking at passing views from the window.

McGee kept quiet for few minutes. "I'm sorry," he finally said.

Tony looked at him and lifted his eyebrows, "For what?"

"What happened to you. I'm sorry," McGee apologized.

"Abby, huh?" Tony guessed who told him the story about him and Ziva.

"Yeah," McGee nodded, "But I guess it was all over everywhere and everybody knew about it, except for me".

"Well you are McBlind, so," Tony pointed out and told McGee to not talk about any of this again.

* * *

Mr. Moore was having a blast with his two buddies when McGee and Tony paid him a visit. Moore was utterly confused of such accusations that were laid on him, but didn't deny them either and that was enough for Tony to take him back to headquarters and have a little talk with him. Moore didn't like the idea that much, so he decided to ran off. His ran as fast as he could for few blocks, until Tony caught him. While panting heavily he told McGee to cuff and take him away.

"What are you gonna do?" he asked and lifted the suspect from the ground.

"I''m gonna make a phone call," Tony said and took out the phone from his pocket.

McGee sighed, "She's not gonna pick up," he said.

"We'll never know," Tony shrugged and dialed Ziva's number.

McGee looked at Tony and shook his head, then he walked the suspect to the car. McGee sat on the shotgun seat to wait for the senior field agent.

"It's me again, what a surprise. Wondering when you could pick up and gimme a call. I'd like to know if you are okay, so... yeah. Call me," Tony said and hang up. He really didn't like t beg her to call him via voice mail.

"No answer?" McGee asked when Tony sat on the driver's seat.

"What do you think?" he asked and pressed the gas, maybe a bit more than he should have had.

"Apparently not!" McGee guessed when he hang on tight when Tony turned the corner and pressed gas again.

* * *

The night was already casting it's shadows over the squad room when Tony finally managed to turn off his computer and take a deep breath. He set his mind to something else than Moore and Henderson and the drug case, but the only thing he could have think about was Ziva. Her name, her words and actions were hunting him like a ghost and it seemed that every single minute and second of his life was now dedicated to her.

"Think about something else, DiNozzo," It was almost as if Gibbs knew what Tony had on his mind.

"Like what?" he asked quietly and sounding really tired.

"Like what are you gonna do now that she isn't here. Are you going to spent every moment of your life to thinking about her? Maybe you should start thinking about what will happen if she doesn't return," Gibbs implied.

"What do you mean by that?" Tony asked and took a better position on his chair.

"A replacement, maybe," Gibbs said and gaze quickly at him.

Tony straightened his back and stood up, "What?"

"Don't blame me, blame Vance. He has set a time line and there's nothing I can do about it," Gibbs said and looked at Tony, "And I don't think you can either".

Tony looked at his boss for few seconds before he turned around and walked towards the stairs.

"Hey! What do you think you are doing?" Gibbs yelled after him.

"Thanks for the idea, boss!" Tony yelled as he rushed upstairs.

"What idea?" Gibbs asked.

Tony stopped for a moment and leaned against the stair's railing, "Before she came to you, there's gotta be someone who was there to give her the papers, right? So of course it has to be Vance and I bet Ziva's given him a bit more reason than exploring her life. Vance might know something more".

"And he'll just give that information to you? Just like that" Gibbs sounded suspicious.

"I can always try!" Tony said and rushed to Vance's office.

The director of NCIS was going through his endless piles of paperwork. His gaze lifted slowly from the papers to Tony.

"Special agent DiNozzo, what brings you here?" Vance asked and put his pencil down on the table and pushed his files aside.

"Agent David, sir," Tony said and Vance got the hint of what was he after.

"What about her?"

"She is not picking up her phone and there's not a clue where she is right now. And I went to her apartment too, but no one was there. Would you might have the reason of why she left and where she is now," Tony asked and scratched his head. It was rather awkward to go all the way to the director of NCIS to ask where his partner was.

"David told me that her focus was lacking and it was doing no good for the team. She told me that she had personal issues and then she requested a leave of absence. I considered it and thought it'd be the best thing to do. My only request for her was the she'd have to go through Gibbs and get his approval and that if she wouldn't be back quite soon, we'd get a replacement, even if it's just temporary," Vance said and saw how frustrated Tony was about all this.

"How long till she'd have to come back?" Tony asked.

"Two weeks," Vance answered and looked closely at his agent, "Didn't she tell you all this?"

"No. No one us, except for Gibbs, didn't know about this until today," Tony said and thought furiously of what to do next, "I'm running out of options, sir. I don't know where to look for her anymore".

"Let me give you an advice," Vance said, "She'll come back when she's ready and you know that. Rushing her won't do any good, in fact it might just keep her from coming back. Just take your time and believe in her".

Tony flashed a tired and sad smile, "Easier said than done. But thank you anyway, sir," he said and walked out from the office. He felt like every piece hope was dying right in front of him and every clue that he had gathered seemed to lost their value. Ziva had gone somewhere he couldn't find her.

* * *

**I don't like this chapter myself, at least not that much. As I said, I like to write more about feelings and stuff, instead of cases, but there is something interesting about them that keeps me writing them anyway.**  
**But anyway, the situation is getting really tricky. It actually looks like Ziva has disappeared into a thin air. Are you all sure that she'll be back?**  
**See you in the next chapter xo**

**~ L**


	19. Chapter 19

Two weeks were almost up and Tony's hopefulness was running on it's last tracks. He had been patient, waiting every morning, after every break that when he'd be back on squad room and Ziva'd be back sitting behind her desk and smiling at him. All these days he had hoped and patiently waited that before the two weeks were up, she'd be back, but the more time ran out, the more suspicious he became. Only thing that was left was his incredible ability to cover his pain with just a smile. He acted like nothing was wrong and kept his draining hope to himself.

"Come on, McGee, make your bet," Tony said as he and McGee arrived to the squad room from searching a suspect of their new case, which involved once again a drug dealer, but a difference between this case and the last one, was that this marine was doing drugs as when the last one sold them.

The last case had ended in Moore's confession and the revelation that the marine had been selling drugs from his navy base and once few of his colleagues had realized it, they started to blackmail him. Moore promised to come clean to his squad leader, but when it never seemed to happen, the victim, Darryl Green, started to argue with Moore, they got into a big fight which lead to Moore beating Green to death. He panicked, of course, tried to cover up his track, but failed miserably.

"No, Tony, I'm not gonna bet," McGee said as he sat behind his desk.

"Come on, probie! Twenty bucks for the wife!" Tony placed his bet.

"You always bet on the wife," McGee pointed out and shook his head, "And I'm not doing this".

"Oh please, McGee! You can bet on the brother and I'll bet on the wife," Tony said and smirked.

McGee sighed deeply, "Fine".

"Great!" Tony said and leaned back on his chair. He was really sure that he'd win, since the evidences were all blaming at the wife. The victim had been shooting drugs and Tony figured that when the very religious and tricky wife, who was really careful about her own reputation realized what his husband was doing, she flipped out and killed him. And when it came to the brother, who was also a fellow Marine and had no idea what the victim was doing so it was very unlikely that he would have blown his brother's brains out.

"Yeah, I'll call you back later," Gibbs came around the corner and walked to the squad room.

"Morning, boss! We have a lead!" Tony said and stood up. He pointed the plasma and nodded at McGee, who got the hint and played a security tape from the night of the murder.

"They have a rich family and their mansion has security cameras like this one," Tony said watched as McGee found the part from the video he was looking for, "There we go. See that? That's our lovely wife waving the very sharp knife," he said and pointed the video.

"How can you tell, DiNozzo? That's just a shadow," Gibbs asked.

"Boss, unless that's the brother wearing a skirt or a dress, I'm pretty sure that's the wife," Tony said and gave a smirk to his boss, who wasn't so happy about Tony joking about a serious thing.

"Find the wife," Gibbs said and was walking back to his desk, just when his phone rang.

"Who is it, boss?" Tony asked and grabbed his backpack.

"Ducky," Gibbs said and ran to the elevators while answering the phone with a quick hello.

"You noticed how he's been doing that?" Tony asked once the boss was out of sight. He walked to his desk and thought about something carefully. He lifted his backpack and bit his lip.

"No," McGee said and instead of grabbing his gear, he was typing something on his computer.

"Hey, can you do something for me?" Tony asked, dropped his backpack on the floor and walked to McGee's desk.

"Check his phone records for me," Tony asked and sat on the edge of McGee's desk.

"The victim's? Sure," he agreed and was already typing before Tony told him to stop.

"No, not the victim's! Gibbs'!" Tony corrected.

"What? No way!" McGee shook his head.

"Come on, McGee! Do it for me or for the whole team! Who knows, maybe he's making all those secret phone calls to Ziva?" Tony said and got McGee thinking.

"What if he notices that I checked his records?" he wondered.

"If he does, I swear that I'll take the blame! I'll do anything, just check the records!" Tony rushed McGee who accepted the conditions and checked Gibbs' phone records.

"Okay, I'll call you back soon," Gibbs was on his way back to squad room.

"Come on, give me the number already. Hurry," Tony said impatiently as McGee wrote it on a post-it and gave it to him.

"Where are you going, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked as he sat behind his desk.

"Gonna make a phone call," Tony answered.

"Haven't you made those a little too much maybe? And yet she hasn't returned any of them," Gibbs pointed out.

Tony shrugged, said 'we'll see' and walked away. When he was finally alone in the staircase, he dialed the number on the post-it.

"Your term for later is rather quick, Gibbs," a voice of a female answered.

"And your term for coming back is rather late, Ziva," Tony said back and listened the confused silence at the other end of the line.

"Tony?" Ziva asked with a shivering voice. She was shocked to hear his voice instead of Gibbs'. Her heart started to beat faster and her mind started spinning.

"Look at that, you still recognize my voice," Tony said sarcastically.

"Funny, Tony. I am going to hang up now," Ziva said.

"No, no, no, no. I'm sorry, Ziva. Please hear me out," Tony sounded like he was begging.

"What?" Ziva didn't hang up.

"Where are you? What are you doing? When are you coming back?" Tony asked quickly, "Ziva please, your two weeks notice is running out and you need to get back or we have to find a replacement".

Ziva was silent for few seconds, "Tony, do not do this. Do not start begging me to come back and make this even harder".

"Make what harder?" Tony asked and furrowed his brows. His worrying was detectable even through a phone line.

"About a week ago, I was sure that I would be back in few days, but now..." Ziva hesitated to continue her sentence.

"Ziva, please don't," Tony knew where she was heading and didn't like it at all.

"I am sorry, but I am not so sure that I am..."

"Ziva, don't do this".

"Coming back... At all," she finished the sentence, "I am sorry. While I have been away, I have realized all the things I have been missing. This all has showed me that maybe it is the best, if I do something else with my life. I am so sorry, you have no idea just how sorry I am, but I cannot – I cannot do this anymore".

Tony didn't say anything – he just couldn't. Her words broke everything he had hoped and wished, maybe even prayed for. Tony didn't have a word to spear, since he didn't know how to answer to Ziva who had just said the worst words he could possibly imagine at the moment.

"Are you still there?" Ziva asked.

"W- We are like your family. How can you do this to us?" Tony asked once he got his shivering voice back.

"I do not want to do this to you, but I have no other choice, I -"

"You _always_ have a choice, Ziva! You can always come back here, where you belong! We are your family and after all we've been through, you just abandon us like this? Have you forgotten everything?" Tony raised his voice.

"No! How can you even ask me something like that?" Ziva asked.

"Because of what you are saying right now! It seems like you have gone insane or something! This isn't you, this can't be you! What the hell happened to you, Ziva?" Tony questioned and leaned against the opposite wall with his left hand.

"None of your business, Tony!" Ziva answered and took a deep breath, "I do not want to do this, but this is for the best, I know it is. I have to -"

Tony didn't want to hear what she would still have to say, so he hung up. After all these days, minutes and seconds he'd been dying to hear about her, but now he wished that he would have never called her. He had gotten the answer he didn't want and it made him angry – actually, it drove him furious. His hands squeezed into a tight fist and after he released them, he throw his phone against the wall with all his anger and frustration. After watching his phone dropping on the floor in pieces, he saw Abby standing few feets from him.

"You reached her?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah, I did. I finally reached her and she just -" Tony wiped his face with his hands, "She just informed me that she won't be coming back!"

Abby's jaw dropped slightly open, "What? Are you serious?"

"Yeah! And apparently - like this isn't already enough - Gibbs has contacted with her several times! They have been calling each other for God knows how long!" Tony said and threw his hands in the air.

"Gibbs?" Abby repeated because she couldn't believe what Tony was saying.

"Gibbs, Gibbs!" Tony confirmed, "This has all been happening behind our backs, Abby!" he said and bent over to pick up his mashed phone.

"I can't believe this," Abby said and placed a hand on her mouth as a sign of shock.

"Neither can I," Tony said and didn't stand up. He sat and balanced on his feet, so that he didn't fall on his bottom.

"Tony," Abby said comfortingly and lowered to his level, "Look at the bright side – at least you got to talk to her".

Suddenly Tony stood up again and Abby straightened her body too. She could feel how his presence had suddenly changed to something else - something that was far away from happy.

"I don't care," he said with an icy tone on his voice.

"What?" Abby asked because she didn't understand what he was meaning.

"Do whatever she likes, I don't care," Tony shrugged, "I can't believe I have wasted my time in vain! You know how much I wished that she would come back, even just for a minute so that I would get to see her and ask her how was she doing? I hoped that so badly and now that I got the chance to finally ask her that, she says she isn't coming back? I can't believe this! I can't freaking believe this!" he raised his voice and threw his hands above his head.

Abby knew that no matter what Tony would say, he wouldn't stop caring – at least not someone like Ziva, "Tony, please," she tried to calm him down.

"I can't believe this," he said and stormed to the squad room.

"Tony! Wait!" Abby said and followed him.

"What did you say to her?!" Tony stood in the middle of the squad room and pointed at Gibbs, "What the hell did you say to her that made her come up with a decision like that?"

"Calm down, DiNozzo. What are you talking about?" Gibbs asked and stood up.

"She isn't coming back! She just said that to me and I know you've been talking to her for quite some time, right? So you had some sort of an influence in this decision!"

McGee's brows furrowed, "Boss? Is this true?"

"Yeah, it is. I've been talking to her. She contacted me few days after she left her and made me swore that I wouldn't tell any of you that I was talking with her," Gibbs confessed.

"How can you do something like that to us?" Tony asked and shook his head, "We just wanna know how she is and you have known it all along and you didn't tell us anything?"

"She made me swore, DiNozzo! I am not the kind of man who breaks a promise and you know that!" Gibbs raised his voice.

"I can't believe this..." Tony said and threw his already mashed up phone on the floor, "What the hell is this supposed to be? We are you all you got in here and you do this to us anyway? We are supposed to be a God damn team, Gibbs!"

"She made me pr-"

"I don't care what she made you do! I care that you never had the guts to tell us what was going on, regardless of whether she made you swore or not! I can't believe you would keep such information from us!" Tony yelled and shook his head. He was way too upset to think clearly and consider Gibbs' point of view in this situation.

"Tony, please," Abby stood behind him and touched his back. She desperately wanted him to stop yelling so loudly and calming down a bit.

"Oh, shut up!" he turned around to face her, "Who knows, maybe you had something to do with all of this? You talked to her the night before she came up with the idea of leave of absence, maybe you once again said something to her like you said about the meant to be thing and she got so upset and felt like there wasn't any other choice left but to leave!".

Abby didn't say anything, she just looked at Tony and realized just how hurt he was from what Ziva had said. For her not coming back was way more than Tony could handle and he didn't know how to properly let it out.

"DiNozzo, watch your mouth!" Gibbs ordered when he saw how Tony accused Abby.

"Or what? You gonna do something behind my back again?" Tony said. He walked closer to his boss' desk and took a moment to look him in the eye, "I trusted you," he said and rushed away.

"Did you know she was going to leave for good?" McGee broke the silence that had landed upon everyone.

"No, McGee, I didn't," Gibbs' shook his head and then looked at Abby, "Are you okay?"

"I am. I just can't believe this is happening again," she said quietly and tried to hold back her tears, "I can't believe this family is breaking apart again".

McGee lowered his gaze on his keyboard and felt sad to recognize this situation again. Last time, the circumstances were different but over all it seemed quite the same.

Gibbs let out a deep sigh and fell back on his chair.

Abby left the squad room and cried during the elevator ride back to her lab.

* * *

Few hours later, Gibbs decided to go looking for Tony. He searched and searched, but couldn't find him anywhere. The last place he went was Abby's lab.

"He's been here for quite a while. He knows I'm here, but doesn't talk to me and he took the futon. He's in the back of the lab," Abby said and pointed there.

"Thanks, Abs," Gibbs said and gave here a little peck on the cheek.

"Hey, Gibbs," Abby stopped him, "Don't be so hard on him, okay? I think he's been through more than you know".

"Why so?" Gibbs asked and knew that there was something Abby hadn't told him.

"I think this is a little bit more than just Ziva's final departure. I think it's more about his... feelings," Abby said and bit her lip, "So please, don't be so hard on him".

"I try my best, Abs," Gibbs said and walked towards Tony, who was moping on the futon, he had his face hidden between his knees.

Gibbs sat next to him and felt how the silence was reaching the lab.

"I blew it," Tony finally said with a silent voice, filled with regret and anger, "I blew the whole thing. She left because of me".

"You know, that's not true," Gibbs said calmly.

"How can I know? I started this all! This is my fault, Gibbs! I kissed her in Columbia, I told her that maybe we could be something more, I slept with her and I made her doubt everything! It was not you, not the team nor Vance, it was me!" Tony quickly stood up and started pacing back and fourth.

"You know, that it's not your fault," Gibbs said.

"But it is!" Tony yelled and stopped, "It is..."

"How about you just," Gibbs said, stood up, walked to Tony and grabbed him by the shoulders, "Shut up and listen to me?"

Tony calmed down a bit.

"Good," Gibbs said and flashed the familiar little smile, "This is not all your fault, you were just a little part of it. You think you scared her off, but if you would take the time to see this situation in a different perspective, you'd understand, that this is her choice and her choice only".

"But -"

"Shut up," Gibbs said and Tony closed his mouth again.

"She made a decision and we both know that it doesn't matter how much you would have tried, you wouldn't have been able to turn her head. She made a choice to explore, so let her explore".

"But boss, I need to find her," Tony finally found a moment to speak up again.

"I know. And we will keep looking for her but let's do this subtly," Gibbs nodded and let his hands fall to his sides, "We all have been looking for her the whole time she's been gone, just like you. But the only difference here is that you are already tired of it".

"I'll find her, no matter what," Tony said and kept telling himself that he wasn't tired at all and would never be until she'd back where she belonged.

"We all will," Gibbs said, "But subtly. And now, let's go. We have work to do".

"Boss," Tony said and sounded regretful, "I'm sorry for what I said and I know how you feel about apologies but -"

"Accepted," Gibbs nodded his head towards the elevators, "Now, let's go".

As they walked past Abby, Tony stopped.

"Abs, I'm sorry for what I said to you," he said and smiled slightly at her, "I shouldn't have said those things to you".

"It's fine, Tony. I know you didn't mean any of that," Abby smiled.

"No, Abby. I shouldn't have blamed you like that," he said and wrapped his arms around her, "I really am sorry".

"I know," she smiled as they parted.

"DiNozzo! Let's go!" Gibbs yelled from the elevator.

"I gotta go, but see you later, Abs," Tony said and ran into the elevator.

As the doors closed, it was easily sensible, how many questions was filling the air. Tony kept switching his weight from left to right.

"Do you think she'll come back?" he finally broke the silence.

"I hope so," Gibbs answered but his voice didn't reveal of just how much he was doubting that she'll ever return.

* * *

At the end of the night, McGee walked to Tony's desk.

"Well, now that you have calmed down and apologized, you should know where the call came from," McGee said and gave Tony a post-it, "Good night".

Tony checked the post-it, wiped his face with his left hand and looked at Gibbs.

"I couldn't tell you, but now you know," the boss said with a lot of empathy in his voice.

"How long has she been there?" Tony asked and leaned back on his seat.

"She went there... I guess the next morning she left here," Gibbs guessed and looked at the puzzled expression on his senior field agent's face.

"What does she have in there than she doesn't have in here?" Tony questioned.

"The family that is related by blood and her whole life before NCIS," Gibbs guessed.

"Will she join Mossad again?" Tony asked and started growing even more concerns.

"I don't think so, but Tel Aviv is her real home and there's nothing we can do about it," Gibbs said and stood up.

Tony stopped his boss from walking past him, "Is it possible to belong in two places at the same time?"

"I don't know, is it?" Gibbs asked back and left.

Tony thought to himself for a while. He sat in the empty squad room and whispered, "Yes," into the silence.

* * *

**So... yeah. How are you all feeling? Tony finally got to talk to Ziva and BOOM, she drops a bomb like that! What the hell with happen next?**  
**One of my points of this fic, is that I do not wanna blame anyone particularly. I don't wanna blame Ziva for her need to change her life, I don't blame Tony for needing her so badly and I don't also blame Gibbs for - well, being himself. The point of this all isn't to blame, it's all about exploring. So, go with the flow and see what happens.**  
**Keep the reviews coming and see you in the next chapter xo**

**~ L**


	20. Chapter 20

After the phone call and the fighting, the days all blurred together and formed weeks that formed months. The team managed on it's own and with the replacements, who sometimes were very helpful. They came and they left, they were part-timers, scared or just otherwise gotten enough of Gibbs. The team made sure that Ziva's desk was her desk, no matter who was sitting behind it.

Everyone started to be a little more open to one another. Gibbs started to show a new kind of trust towards the team and it was gladly paid back. McGee and Tony got along better than ever and working seemed to go pass quickly and without further attachments.

The replacements were usually a staff members from inside the house – sometimes from legal department, sometimes from security, they kept changing as well as they kept on leaving. Everyone of them seemed to know or at least sense, that the desk that they were sitting behind was never ever going to be theirs fully, because it belonged to someone else - someone who would never be forgotten.

While the team was managing, Ziva was exploring the sides of her life. All the relatives and friends she'd been neglecting while she was at NCIS, had welcomed her back with open arms. Her father was rather happy that his daughter had come to her senses and left America and returned back home. The relationship between them was awkward and filled with questions but they both thought that time would make it all better.

Ziva met her old friends and she told them about her time in America. She left out the part from Tony and how much of a family the team had been to her, out from her stories. She felt like they were too private to be told to anyone.

Liat and Malachi were running the biggest operations and Ziva talked to them too, because she wanted to know their point of view how the whole Mossad was doing. They simply told that Eli David had been doing his job as usual, just like everybody else.

Ziva took her time to wander around and get to know more of the town where she had lived her life. She got to know more about the sights, food and all the families that lived there. She also visited Haifa, Jerusalem and everywhere else she just managed, on her road to get to know Israel better.

She traveled a lot otherwise too and after sightseeing in Israel, she decided to go see few other countries, like Spain and Turkey. Wherever she went and no matter how much like a tourist she felt, she knew one feeling that would cover everything up; the normality. She felt like she was something more than investigating, reporting her findings and summing everything up. She felt like she was just a normal person, doing what she liked and living a new kind of life she had found.

Along the way, she met few men, but couldn't stay with them for a long time, partly because she always seemed to be going and secondly, the memories of Tony were still haunting her. She met them, had her fun with them and that was that - nothing serious, no commitments.

After being a traveling soul for months, she got a phone call, that told her that the apartment she still had, for some reason, in Washington had problems in it. There were electronic issues and pluming issues, that no one had noticed before. Ziva cursed that she had to go back to USA from Brazil, but on the other hand, coming back there could be the final point of completely letting go from her old life.

Meanwhile the phone calls Gibbs had been receiving from Ziva, had gone more random and less and less detailed. Everything was falling to the almost ritualism form of conversation with the hello's and the how are you's. He felt like she was hiding something bigger behind the words she was saying but asking for the truth seemed to be even too much for Gibbs.

Tony didn't ask about Ziva that much. Usually he just asked Gibbs to say something from him to her, but that was about it and if he would ask for something, it would be concerning her well being. Tony still hadn't admitted to himself, that she wasn't coming back. It was way too much from him to accept and he thought that time would finally make him realize that and in the meantime he made himself very busy. He worked late hours, to avoid the silence in his apartment, he watched a lot of movies, to get distracted from his thoughts, he spent more time with the team, with people who would know what was going on and was on his side. Tony didn't give into the Gibbs way – bourbon and the basement. He didn't want solitary, he wanted something else, but the question what it was seemed to never find an answer. One day it might be friends, the other day movies and next day it would be work, it all kept changing so fast that he didn't keep a track and just went with the flow. In time the thoughts he had had concerning Ziva grew to be less and less important. He knew that it was now all in her own hands, instead of his. All he could do was wait and hope, instead of blaming himself for something he had no control over.

Work was very important to everyone since Ziva had left, not that it wasn't before but after her leaving, it seemed to be the one solid thing that would keep the team together.

The current case was about a brutal murder of a young petty-officer. He had been found in his home and instead of a suicide, like all the evidence had first shown, was indeed a murder and a passionate one. With a lot of help, they figured out the very long list of debts that the petty-officer had collected during his life, and once that was figured out the list of suspects grew longer too. After the process of elimination to find the suspects with longer history connected to the Marine and with criminal records, the team managed to find three suspects, from with two of them confessed murdering the petty-officer to get their paybacks.

As the team was finishing up the case, no one had any idea, that Ziva would be on the plane back to Washington.

* * *

**Uh! It's a little cliff-hanger here! What do you think will happen next? Will they ever meet or will they not? Tell meeeeee!**  
**See you in the next chapter xo**

**~ L**


	21. Chapter 21

"Probie!" Tony hissed from his desk.

"What is it?" McGee asked and walked to Tony's desk.

"You are never going to believe what I just ordered online!" Tony said excitedly.

McGee's mouth turned into a wide grin, "Is it what I think it is?"

"Yes, it is, my friend! Look at that," Tony nodded and pointed at the computer screen that informed how Tony had ordered a movie box set filled with Tony Curtis' movies.

"Oh yeah! When are we gonna watch them?" McGee asked excitedly.

"This weekend?" Tony suggested.

They fist pumped, "I'll bring the popcorn!" McGee promised.

"Later, McGee," Gibbs said and rushed into the squad room, "Grab your gear!"

"What is it boss?" Tony stood up and grabbed his backpack.

"Smuggling and a two murder," Gibbs said and threw the keys at Tony, "Let's go!"

McGee and Tony followed their boss into the elevator.

"I feel like this is going to be a bad day," McGee said suddenly.

"Why's that?" Gibbs asked and Tony looked at the probie curiously.

"I don't know, I just do," he answered and bit his lip.

"Come on, probie! Cheer up," Tony said and punched McGee playfully on the shoulder, "Think about this weekend and you'll feel a lot better!"

"Yeah? What are you two doing this weekend? Am I invited?" Gibbs looked at both of his agents.

"Sorry boss, that we had to break this out to you, but," Tony said and frowned, "You are not".

"And why is that?" Gibbs wondered.

"You have this... Annoying habit of spoiling the ending before the movie even barely starts," McGee confessed and looked at Tony, "It would be great if you could join us, but... well, you know..."

"Fine, I get the picture," Gibbs said, "In fact, I get it so well that I might buy a lock on my door," he suggested and stepped out of the elevator.

Tony and McGee looked at each other and said simultaneously, "Boss! We changed our minds!"

"We'd love to have you join us!" Tony added as they both sat on the NCIS truck.

* * *

The victims were a couple that had recently gotten married and they were just back from their honeymoon when they ran into a surprise – of multiple slugs fired at them, to be exact. They had both served the Navy for a long while and their records seemed fine.

Ducky estimated that they died at 0320 AM and then he took the body back to the headquarters without any help from Palmer, who was once again late. Ducky guessed that it was Breena again who was keeping his assistant late.

"Okay, McGee, you shoot and DiNozzo, you sketch and after you are both done with those, check the local store if they had a recording from last night's events," Gibbs ordered, "I'm gonna go back and start researching".

It took few ten minutes to get Gibbs' orders done and for Tony and McGee to go check the security tape from the local store.

"Are we gonna watch them all this weekend? You know, all in one night?" McGee asked as they were walking down the street.

"No, of course. See, I thought that there can't be too much good, so we should divide the movies for each night, you know?" Tony said.

"Ah, good idea!" McGee agreed and then frowned, "But what about Gibbs?"

"I don't know let's -" Tony suddenly stopped his sentence and stood completely still. It was like the world had melted away from all around him as he kept his gaze at the end of the street.

"Tony?" McGee asked and wondered why they stopped walking, "Are you okay?"

"Go to the shop, I'll be right behind you," Tony suggested and shoved McGee to the front door of the shop.

"What the hell? Where do you think you are going?" McGee asked and watched how Tony started walking again.

He turned around to make sure McGee was doing as he said, "Just go to the store, I'll be back soon!"

McGee looked at him and shrugged. He didn't have any idea what was going on, but he did as Tony said.

Tony rushed down the street and then grabbed somebody by the shoulder. The person turned around and lifted a confused gaze at Tony's green eyes.

"Long time, no see," he said, smiled widely and enjoyed the moment when he got to once again look at those dark eyes, "Hello, Ziva".

* * *

**Sorry that this was such a short chapter, but it's because of a reason. But anyway, hey, look at that! They found each other again! What will happen now? And the reason for Gibbs' behavior, is that the team's way of communicate has changed. Ziva's departure changed a lot of things, so I thought that the changes should be noticeable too! McGee and Tony get along better than ever and Gibbs is a lot nicer. That's enough change, for now...**  
**Thank you for the reviews and stuff! And see you in the next chapter xo**

**~ L**


	22. Chapter 22

Tony and Ziva stood in the middle of a street, looking at each other intensively. Nothing in the world mattered as much as that moment did.

"You've cot your hair a little bit," Tony noticed and looked at the dark curls that were up to her shoulders, "I like it".

"Change starts from little things, yes?" Ziva said and kept a close eye on his every move. There should have been more of... something. He was just standing there, looking at her, making small talk - was it really like that? Shouldn't he be doing something like crying or screaming? Maybe he was too afraid, since she felt like she couldn't break the distant bond that was unconsciously made during the time she was away.

"I guess so," Tony said and cleared his throat. He wanted to at least hug her but that seemed like it was way out of line.

"I, um -" she started a sentence but stopped when she realized that she had no idea how to finish it.

"Do you wanna grab coffee? We could, you know, catch up?" Tony suggested. He thought it'd be maybe a bad idea, but he wanted to spend more time with her, now that she actually was here. All the time she had been away was now need to be caught back. He had waited for this moment for months and even thought it was sudden, it felt like a dream come true.

"I better not, I have somewhere to go," Ziva shook her head. She didn't understand why he was so damn calm. She thought he'd be rupturing into a human volcano of emotions, but no - his behavior was like the calm before a storm. It all made her utterly baffled.

Tony couldn't help at feeling a little disappointed, "Oh. Where are you going then?"

"To my apartment," Ziva answered and started to walk again.

Tony followed her, "Why?"

"It has problems. Something about the electronics and pluming are causing issues so I have to take a look at them and after that I am going to just -" she trailed off.

"Sell the place?" Tony guessed.

She nodded, "I do not exactly have any use for it".

"Yeah, I guess so," Tony said and looked at the ground. Then he looked at her and smiled, "Are you gonna visit NCIS now that you are here?"

"That would not be a good idea," Ziva shook her head.

"Come on. It would be a nice reunion," Tony said as they arrived at her front door. He leaned against the door frame and looked at her carefully.

"No, Tony, I am not coming back," Ziva said because she already knew where this conversation would eventually lead; him begging her to come back.

"I wasn't asking you to come back, I was asking you to come visit NCIS," Tony said and smiled.

Ziva turned to look at him, "Do not start that again".

"Fine," he threw his hands in the air, "But... I have missed you".

Ziva stopped turning the key inside of the lock and moved her gaze to him. She wasn't expecting him to say anything like that and now she was wishing he'd make some stupid joke after saying something like that. She noticed that something obvious had changed. His whole being was so much more calmer than it had ever been and no matter how hard she tried to tell herself, this was the same Tony she had known, a part of her couldn't believe it.

"What?" Tony asked after watching her stare at him for few seconds.

She smiled, "You have gone soft, DiNozzo," she said, turned the key and stepped inside to the apartment. Tony thought she would never let him in, but he was wrong - she left the door open for him.

"I have been looking for you all this time," Tony said and walked to the living room. He watched her rush into the bathroom.

"I know. Gibbs told me," she answered and stopped at the bathroom's door, "Oh my God. What has happened in here?"

Tony came to stood behind her, "Oh lord".

They both started at the flooding sink that was slowly dripping water. The floor had few puddles on it and Ziva placed a hand on her forehead, "This is unbelievable".

"Sure is," Tony said and walked back to the living room. He sat on the couch and lifted his feet on the coffee table. He looked careless, almost like he didn't give a crap was the sink flooding, or that she was back. He was like a Buddha, so calm and balanced.

"Do not do that," Ziva warned as she sat next to him.

He lowered his feet back on the floor and then looked at her, "What are you doing?"

"Calling the plumber and someone who can fix the electronic problems, since I cannot do it myself. And I think that because of all this, I have to stay here for a while, which is not part of my plan," she said and searched the phone book. She went through all the names and corporations carefully till she found what she needed. She too the phone out of her pocket and dialed the number.

Tony looked at her calmly for a while and then reached for her hand, grabbing her from the wrist. As he took the phone from her hand, he lifted his own on her face. He stroked her cheek and looked at the surprised look in her dark eyes. He showed her a hint of his smile and moved a little closer at her.

"All this time, I wish you would have called me. I wish I could have known more about your thoughts before you left. I thought I was the reason for all this, but I get it now – it was all your choice, I was just a little part of it. I know I should just... be angry at you, but I can't. I mean, how could I? I have no right to hate you for your own decision," he said quietly and looked deep inside of her dark eyes. She didn't know whether to pull back or just be there.

"But after all this, after all these months and lack of communication, I'm glad you're back," Tony whispered and pressed a gentle kiss on her lips.

Ziva felt the memories of his touch raising back into the surface. She felt the tingling feeling and the butterflies in her stomach. They weren't technically doing anything wrong since she wasn't at NCIS any longer. The kiss was innocent, but strong and demanding and it took a lot from the both of them.

They parted and Tony stood up, "If you have to stay, I'll come by tonight. We can have one more movie night before you'll go back to... wherever you'll return".

"No, Tony, no," she shook her head and stood shakily up. The kiss had quite an impact indeed.

"It's nothing big, Ziva, just a movie night," he said, "We have had so many of them".

"We should not do anything like that, we -"

"Yeah, sure, I'll bring the beer," he said and before she noticed, he was out the door and she was sitting back on the couch.

This wasn't her plan. She thought she'd come here and then go back to Brazil as soon as she could. Fix everything in Washington, sell her apartment and then leave, without nobody noticing anything. She didn't expect to ran into Tony and suddenly realizing that he was already planning stuff for them. She didn't understand why he wasn't more upset or angry or something that she had returned, without any hint and only to sell away her life in here and come back to the new one she had found. He should be furious that after all these months, after all his searching, this was happening behind his back.

And why on earth would he kiss her just like that instead of yelling and screaming at her? Why wasn't he breaking things and demanding for an answer of what the hell had been going on for the past months? Instead of all that, he kissed her. It was like she had never left. It was like blink, they were suddenly together, blink, they were apart and blink, they were in this situation now.

Ziva took the phone from the coffee table and called the number she had already dialed.

* * *

**Look at that. What will happen now?  
Oh, and as I said, the change has impacted everybody. Tony has changed more calmer, he takes things more slowly. Maybe it's good, maybe it's bad, but it is definitely change.**  
**What I like about this fic, is that it's not just one character and their thoughts - this can be all read in different perspectives. I mean, like Ziva wants to explore something new and expand her life, when Tony explores himself and his feelings and changes as a person. And if you like, you can also look at this from a relationship view or something like that. The point is, that there is no blaming, just experiences.**  
**Okay, sorry for that rant and see you in the next chapter xo**

**~ L**


	23. Chapter 23

When the hours passed and the night's darkness covered Washington, Ziva heard a knocking from the door. She rolled her eyes and slowly walked to the front door. Before opening it, she took a deep breath. She knew who was behind the door, but that didn't make it any easier.

"Hi," Tony said when she finally opened the door.

"You really did came," Ziva said and let him in.

"Of course! Why wouldn't I?" he asked, walked in the middle of the living room and then turned around to look at her.

"I -" she thought for a while and then walked to him, "Don't know".

"We wouldn't miss meeting you," he said and looked at her closely. He was so tempted to kiss her, but it would have to wait.

"What are you talking about?" Ziva let out a nervous laugh.

"Come on in!" Tony yelled at the front door's direction.

Ziva looked at Tony first and then walked to the door. She watched how it opened slowly and the familiar people looked at her with a smile on their face. McGee, Abby, Ducky, Palmer and even Breena.

"Hi, Ziva," Abby chirped and there wasn't a measurement that could tell how happy she was to see her Israeli friend again.

"H-Hello," Ziva was utterly baffled. She felt like someone was standing behind her and she turned around. She met Tony's amused and warm gaze.

"You were behind all this?" she asked.

"You didn't want to come to NCIS for your little reunion, so I brought it all to you. You're welcome," he said and nodded at Abby to follow him.

Abby smiled at Ziva and hugged her as she passed her by on her way to the living room.

Ducky said lovely words and was once again about to start an old story, but instead of doing that, he just smiled and joined Abby.

Palmer and Breena followed Abby. After he shook Ziva's hand and Breena awkwardly smiled at her, like she was trying to ask from Ziva that hope the team member's wife wasn't bothering all this. Ziva welcomed her in with a warm smile.

McGee kissed Ziva's cheek, "Glad to see you".

"You too, Tim," she said and smiled as he joined others in the living room.

Ziva turned her gaze back to the door but no one was there. She thought Gibbs would come, but maybe she was wrong. She started to close the door already before someone pushed it back open.

"You're already closing the door?" Gibbs asked an flashed a smirk.

Ziva suddenly felt how her eyes turned glassy, "Gibbs," she breath out.

He leaned over and wrapped his arms around her. For someone like Ziva was to Gibbs, it was a fragile and beautiful moment. Gibbs was like embracing a daughter he hadn't seen for a long time and Ziva was clanging onto father that she hadn't spoken to in a long time.

"I am so sorry, I did not tell that I was here," Ziva said with a shivering voice.

"I don't care did you inform me or not, just as long as I am here right now. Nothing else matters, but that right now," Gibbs whispered and didn't let go yet – the moment was too precious.

"But I should have told you," Ziva felt bad that the only person she kept in touch with for all these months didn't have a clue that she was back in Washington.

Gibbs shushed her, "It's okay, Ziva".

"Thank you," she mouthed when no voice didn't come out. It felt sort of revealing to see Gibbs, but it still wasn't easy. It was like she was facing another change when he came through the door. She could now see what kind of an effect her leaving had done in him when she wasn't there to witness it in person.

After one more smile exchanged, they joined the rest of the team in the living room. It was such an overwhelming feeling to see the whole team – and Breena – on her living room and it almost made her cry again. She felt supported and no matter had she left or not, she felt like this was the family she could always return to.

"Sit down, Ziva! Tell us what have you been doing?" Abby said and patted the spot next to her on the couch.

She smiled and sat down as Tony, on the other hand, stood up and told everyone he'd go make a little food and then they'd watch the movie.

"Um, Tony, wait," Ziva said and a bit her lip.

"What?" he asked.

"I told you that there was problems with the electronics and that also means the television. I could not get it to work this afternoon so that might be a little obstacle here," she confessed, "And also the microwave. It does not work either".

"Great," Tony sighed and disappeared to the kitchen.

"So, Ziva, where have you been?" Abby asked and waited her stories like an enthusiastic child.

"Well, I was at Israel at first. Met my father, few old friend and then I went to explore the whole country. Then I traveled to places like Turkey and Spain. When I got the call from here I was in Brazil at the moment," Ziva told.

"Was it fun?" McGee asked.

"It was, really great. I got to meet new people and get to know more about each culture," she said and smiled, "But that was not the best part. The best part was that I was just... me. Not special agent David or anything else, I was just... Ziva. After all I have been through, it was surely a refreshing experience".

"So are you coming back to NCIS now?" Abby asked impatiently.

Ziva looked everyone before she shook her head, "I am sorry, but I am not. This is just a detour. I am planning to sell this place once the problems are fixed".

Abby lowered her gaze to her hands, "I don't understand," she whispered and then looked back at Ziva, "I don't understand how can you do this. I mean, we all know the reasons, but I don't understand them. You have holidays here and you get to be just Ziva and you... You have the family in here who excepts you for whoever you are. How can you just abandon something like that?"

Ziva looked away for a while. She knew they had every right to question her like this, but it still felt hard on her, "This was maybe the toughest choice I have ever made. I did not really plan this, it just happened".

"So, like one day you woke up and decided to leave?" Abby asked.

"No. It did not happen in one day. I thought about it few times but did not mention it to anyone, because I did not want to cause any disturber. I just wanted to go as quietly as I could. I wanted to tell you all, but I could not bare to face you all," Ziva explained, "I told to Gibbs, because I needed his permission for the leave of absence. I told him not to tell anyone that I was going to leave and when I was calling him, I told him to keep that to himself too".

"And that seems fair to you?" Abby asked and clearly was upset.

"I never said it was fair," Ziva pointed out, "I admit I was selfish, but I knew that I was no good use until I got this... need out of my mind. This need to be something else".

"So you got it out, you saw the world and now you can come back!" Abby said.

"This life, what I have found, has still so much to offer me and I want to experience it all," Ziva smiled sadly, "That is the truth".

In the kitchen, a glass broke.

Ziva lifted her eyebrows and went to see what was going on. Gibbs, Ducky and McGee were trying to comfort Abby who still couldn't believe and probably never would how Ziva could just leave it all behind like that.

"I'm sorry. I slipped and it fell on the floor," Tony said and looked worried, "I'll clean it up, though," he said and knelled down to pick up the pieces of glass.

"Are you okay?" Ziva asked.

Tony slowly picked up the last piece and stood up again, "I am. And I noticed that you don't have any food in your fridge so I took the liberty of ordering us all pizza. How that is okay?"

"Pizza is good," Ziva nodded, took the pieces of glass from him and put them away. She leaned against the sink and sighed.

"Good, so that's settled," he said and looked at her quickly, "So, how are you holding up?"

"You should not have brought them here," Ziva shook her head and turned back against the sink. She crossed her arms to her chest and sighed again.

"I told you already about this. You didn't want to come to NCIS so I brought it to you – well not the building, just the main team," Tony explained and smirked, "Pretty good plan, if I may say so myself".

"Bad idea, I say," Ziva said and shook her head, "They are blaming me for everything and I know it is rightful, but I do not want to listen to it all the time. I know what I have done and what I have caused, but no one should ever think that making these decisions was easy".

"We got that, or at least I got that, but I can't believe you still did it," Tony raised his eyebrows, "You just left all this behind and started fresh. Takes a lot of guts, in my book".

"Is that a compliment or what?" Ziva was confused by his words.

"Just a statement," Tony shrugged.

"I take that in the most comforting way," Ziva flashed a quick smile. She was about to walk back to the living room, when Tony opened his mouth again and stopped her.

"So what you said is really true? You are leaving no matter what?" Tony made sure. He sounded fragile and sad.

"It is," Ziva turned to look at him, "I am not planning on staying here and you know it".

"There's no way to change your mind?" Tony asked. He was afraid to look at her because he didn't want her to see him like that – so sad and vulnerable. There wasn't really a way to tell how much he already missed her and she was standing there, right in front of him. And it wasn't just about missing a woman who he spent a night with, it was about missing a friend, someone to talk to.

"Tony," Ziva trailed off, "I found a new life that I want to explore. I could come back here now, but then I would never stop thinking about 'what if'. It would drive me insane. So I rather live this and then make more decisions. I am not coming back because I do not know how to sit behind the desk and investigate cases, when I could be seeing and getting to know another culture. You know just as well as I do, that no one would do such a thing".

"But there's a difference here, Ziva," Tony pointed out.

"And what is that?" she asked.

"We saved your life. We rescued you from Somalia," he said carefully, "You owe us".

Ziva shook her head because she couldn't believe he was using the painful past against her, "How dare you?"

"I dare because I don't know anything else that would make you stay!" Tony said and it seemed like he was picking up a fight.

"There is not a way to make me stay! Why you cannot believe it and let go!" Ziva threw her hands in the air, "Just believe me already!"

Tony calmed down and went silent, "I don't want to," he said quietly.

"You have to. There is not a way to make me stay here anymore," she said and turned around.

"What if I -" Tony stopped her from walking, "What if I told you that I love you?"

The whole world stopped. Ziva stood completely still, like his words had frozen her there. She felt her eyes turning glassy and she was so confused. There wasn't supposed to be a love between them, except for the ones that jut partners share. She felt herself shaking, her heart bounding and something in her mind snapped out of place as well as something snapped back in. No words came out from her mouth and no sentences were formed in her head. She just stood there, like a teenager caught from coming back home at 2 AM and noticing her parents were waiting for her to explain where she had been.

"I love you," he said quietly and felt the overwhelming sensation in his heart. Everything seemed to find a new perspective even thought he couldn't believe it would be possible after how things had changed since Columbia.

Ziva turned slowly around, "You are just saying that..."

"Why would I? You just said there's no way to make you stay here," Tony shrugged, "I do love you and I'm sorry it took such a long time to realize it".

"Why? Would you just...?" she asked with a shivering voice.

Tony took a step or two closer to her, "I've been looking for you ever since you left. My mind is filled with you and work nowadays. I slept with you and I kissed you few times and as long as I'm concerned I really much liked both of them. And this is us, I mean, this is me and you and everything we've been through... Neither of us can't deny the fact that there was always something more going on than just being friends".

Ziva shook her head and wiped her tears, "This cannot be happening".

"But it is. Trust me, I'm not saying this to make your position even more awful, I'm saying this because I mean it and I know it's true," he said and grabbed her shoulders, "I love you".

She lifted her tired, tear stained gaze to meet his eyes, "Stop, please, just stop".

"No," he said determinately, "If you wouldn't feel same at all, you'd be running away and shoving me out of the door right now. I know you that well".

"Please, stop," she said and let the confused and bittersweet tears ran down her cheek.

Tony smiled softly and tilted his head. Carefully and sensitively his lips met hers. He pressed up against her slowly, like he was letting her have the seconds in which she could ran away from him. She shook like a scared child but didn't go anywhere. She stood inside of his embrace and kept on locking lips with him.

"Do you believe me now?" Tony asked as he parted from her a little bit.

"Tony, I cannot -" she was about to say more but couldn't, because he kissed her again.

"Give me a chance, give us a chance. Don't go yet, stay for a while and we'll see how this works out and if it doesn't, you are free to leave," Tony asked.

"No, that is not -"

"Ziva, please," he said softly, "We need another chance, so just stay in here and we'll see how it goes".

Ziva knew that he was dead-serious about this. She knew how sincere he was when he asked for a chance. She didn't want to let him down or broke his dreams, but she also didn't want to give up hers either. The situation was fifty-fifty.

When he didn't get an answer, Tony closed her tight into his embrace, "Please".

"Two weeks," she whispered against his shirt.

"What?" Tony parted from her, "What did you say?"

"Two weeks," she flashed a coy smile, "Let's try for two weeks. And if it does not work out, you let me go. With no hard feelings afterwards".

Tony took a grib of Ziva's waist, lift her up in the air and spun her around. The happiness sparked in his eyes and he looked like everyone of his dreams were coming true. He lowered her back on the floor, cupped her face and kissed her with such overwhelming joy.

Ziva couldn't help but smile, even though she did hesitate her decision, she decided that it was a fair thing to do. Whether she admitted it or not, she had missed him almost as much as he had missed her.

"Are we gonna tell the team?" Tony asked suddenly.

"Yes," Ziva nodded and sounded more sure that he did, "I do not want to lie about this anymore".

"They are gonna be thrilled to have you back!" Tony said and kissed her again, "Let's go tell them now!"

As they walked to the living room, where everybody were wondering where the two of them went, someone knocked on the door. Tony and Ziva decided to break the news first and then open the door.

"I have something to tell you all," she started slowly.

"What is it? Did you already sell this place?" Abby sounded worried.

"Actually, I am going to keep it, at least for two weeks," she smiled mysteriously.

"Why?" Gibbs asked and looked just as confused as the rest of the team.

"I am going to stay here for two weeks. I am going to try once more and if it does not work, I will leave and not come back," Ziva reveled, "And I have one other news too".

Tony smiled behind her and linked their hands together.

Ziva broke into a smile too, "This," she showed their entwined hands, "This is something you have to get used to next".

Abby jumped, yelled with excitement and hugged them both, "I knew it! Oh my God, this is so great! Now everything will be okay! You won't leave Ziva, since nothing will make you wanna go," she said and couldn't stop smiling.

Gibbs stood up and looked very serious. He came to stand in front of the new couple and gave them the Gibbs stare, which made Tony and Ziva unsure whether they should run or stand still.

"Please," Ziva said slowly.

Then Gibbs finally showed a smile, "Let's try".

"Thanks boss!" Tony shook hands with him.

"But still, keep it out from the office. I don't need to see you playing grab-ass all the time!" he pointed out and managed to make Tony and Ziva laugh and promise not to do so.

The rest of the team congratulated both and were excited to have Ziva back and that she had formed something new. As Ducky was in the middle of an old story of royalty families, Tony remembered something.

"Hey, someone is still at the door," he pointed out and ran to the door. Behind it was unamused pizza deliverer who took extra tip for having to wait so long. Tony gladly agreed to pay and took the pizzas from him.

"Look at what I got!" he marched in to the living room.

"Food!" Abby said and ran to take the pizzas from Tony. She placed them at the kitchen table and opened the boxes. The delicious smell spread over the whole apartment.

"You saved us from starving to death," Ziva said as she wrapped her arms around Tony, who was already stuffing his mouth full of pepperoni pizza with extra cheese.

"Tastes like heaven!" he breath out and looked like he was truly having an religious experience.

"You are such a child," Ziva said and wiped the corners of his mouth before kissing him.

"I love you too".

* * *

**Okay, two things. **  
**First one; sorry I was such a dumb idiot that I posted a wrong chapter the last time I updated. It is all fixed now and the right chapter is in place. **  
**The second one; so are you guys excited and happy now that Ziva is back? How are you feeling about Tony's quite big confession? And no, it was not because it would possibly make her stay. He said it because he had realized it during the time she was gone. Oh, the things distance can do to people.**  
**See you in the next chapter xo**

**~ L**


	24. Chapter 24

Two weeks were almost up and the new relationship between two agents seemed to be going on well. Tony and Ziva had been having fun, talked, went on an actual date in a expensive restaurant - it was a lovely evening that ended in pure pleasure. Time at work was a bit awkward at first. They managed to keep their hands of each other most of the time, but occasionally a kiss that was exchanged in the stairwell was seen by someone, and usually that someone was Gibbs. He tried his best to be okay with his two agents, but time to time he had to point out not to play grab-ass. Only one who didn't mind Tony and Ziva was Abby. In a short time, she seemed to grow in to the idea that they were an item and that was that. Many times when Ziva was at the lab and Tony marched in, he kissed her just like that and Abby didn't mind - she usually didn't even notice it.

Everything was going on great and it would mean that Ziva would stay permanently. Even thought that the first days were a little hard and it took a while before she got back into the routine, it was clear that she hadn't completely forgotten it. Vance granted Ziva a visiting pass but that was good for two weeks, then she'd be given her old job back. That all wouldn't be that easy if the person wanting the old job back was someone else than Ziva, but after many speeches and requests from Gibbs and Tony and the rest of the team, she got her approvals a little bit quicker.

It wasn't easy to adjust to change. Ziva had noticed it once again. She tried her best and managed. Getting back to all the routines took time but she got the hang of it. Tony supported her the best ways he could.

Everything seemed great on the surface, but what was hiding under it was a completely different thing.

Ziva was distracted most of the time, like she was thinking completely different things she was supposed. Her relationship was doing fine but something was still off, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Tony was great, he didn't pressure or demand, he was more open to her than ever and tried to share his feelings as much as he could. Time went by, until it was Tony who silently detected a problem in her behavior.

He thought about the night when the team had welcomed her back home and what he had said and asked from her. He thought about the past almost two weeks and his words and her words. Then it hit him; he was the only one who had said I love you. She hadn't said anything like it.

The more Tony thought about it, the more it started to trouble him. Talking to her about it seemed like a little too much, but still, he had to talk to somebody about it. He thought to temporarily open up to Gibbs, but then he remembered the numerous times he requested to keep it all out of the office and he changed his mind. There was pretty much only one person he could talk about it.

"Hi, Tony! How can I help you?" Abby said cheerfully.

"Hey, Abs! You seem to be on a good mood," Tony smiled widely.

"I am!" she smiled back, "I feel like this is going to be a good day! I don't know why, but I just do".

"That's nice!" he said and let the smile fade, "Um, can I ask your help?"

"Sure, what's up?" Abby sat on her chair as Tony sat next to her. She smiled brightly and friendly but he didn't smile at all. He looked like he was in big trouble and that made her smile fade away.

"I don't know how to exactly say this. I don't even know is this a real problem, but," he trailed of and scratched his head.

"I take that this is about Ziva, right?" Abby guessed.

Tony nodded, "Yeah... The thing is that," he said and very carefully lifted his gaze from the floor to Abby's eyes, "I'm having few doubts..."

"Oh my God, are you leaving her?" her mouth fell open.

"No, no no, Abby, I'm not!"Tony shook his head, "That is not the issue here!"

"Oh, good. Tell me what is it then," she asked and calmed down a little bit.

"We have a great time together. She's been amazing and I love spending time with her," Tony smiled a little, "Do you remember the time when she got back here?"

"Of course, what about it?" Abby asked.

"Then do you remember the time when I was in your lab and you asked me the one question I never got a chance to answer because of McGee?" Tony reminded.

"Um, I'm not entirely sure, I've asked a lot of questions," Abby said and bit her lip, "What did I ask?"

"You asked was I in love with her," Tony answered and he saw how Abby remembered the moment too, "And that day she came back, when we were in the kitchen... She said there was no way to make her stay and I just.. said it".

"You told her that... Wow," Abby said and lifted her brows.

"I didn't say it just to make her stay, that would have been just stupid. I said it because I meant it. I think I have loved her for a long time and it took me even longer to realize it," Tony said and shrugged, "And on that night, it just came out..."

"So, you love her? That's great, Tony! But tell me, what's the problem here?" Abby asked because she didn't know what was wrong with loving someone as much as he loved Ziva.

"The loving part isn't the issue when it comes to me, but when it comes to her... There might be a problem," Tony said and shook his head, "I've said it like a hundred times. She knows I love her but she..."

"Hasn't said it to you," Abby guessed the rest of his sentence.

"Yeah. So I don't know what to do, or is this all even a problem. I mean, maybe she isn't just ready and I'm rushing or something," Tony theorized and then looked at Abby with a spark of hope in his eyes, because maybe she would make sense of all this, "What do you think?"

"I don't think that I'm the right person to answer you, Tony. You are the only one who can answer this, because I think you already know it but you just haven't admitted it to yourself," she said and flashed a supporting smile.

Tony lowered his head and looked at the floor. She was right, he knew the answer but saying it to himself was something he didn't wanna do.

"So, what's the answer?" Abby asked.

He slowly stood up and tried to put on a brave face, "That she doesn't love me back".

Abby's smile faded and sadness took over her too. She didn't know what to tell him. She had been so proud of how he had opened up to her and Ziva and formed something that was strong and solid, even if there was a little hesitation involved. Tony wasn't bailing, he was trying to solve everything.

"Maybe that's not the deal, maybe it's more like -"

"Are you planning something big here?" Ziva came to the lab. Tony and Abby turned around and they looked almost like they were two kids who were just got caught from shoplifting candy.

"What? No! Hi!" Tony said and wrapped his right arm around her as he pressed a quick, gentle kiss on her lips.

"Hello," Ziva said and furrowed her brows, even though she didn't stop smiling, "What is going on?"

"Nothing big, but Tony here, has a question for you," Abby said and flashed a devilish little smile.

"What? Abby! No, no, no! Abby!" Tony hissed to the happy goth who smiled and winked, "Abby! I am going to kill you!"

"You'll thank me one day," Abby said cheerfully, "I'll be here, if you need me," she informed and closed the middle door of the lab. She sat behind the other computer but didn't do anything special on it. She was running two sets of fingerprints and keeping an eye on the couple.

"Well, this is awkward," Tony said and turned to look at Ziva. He laughed nervously.

"What did you want to ask me?" Ziva was turning very serious.

"Um, it's really – it's just a question. Or maybe a problem. I'm not entirely sure," Tony said and tried to figure out something that would change the subject. It would be a good chance to ask the question now, but maybe, just maybe it would be too soon.

"Just ask it then," Ziva suggested.

"Well, okay," Tony agreed, "The thing is, that we've been together now for almost two weeks and a little bit time before that. And well, I've had a great time with you and I've really enjoyed everything and now -"

Tony didn't manage to finish his sentence because Ziva gasped loudly, "Oh my God!"

"What?" Tony asked.

"Are you proposing me?" Ziva gasped again, "Oh my God, Tony! This is way too soon! We cannot do this!"

"Propose you? What?" Tony was utterly baffled.

"That is what you are going to do now, yes?" Ziva asked and placed a hand on her mouth. She looked like she was having a panic attack of the year.

"No! I'm not proposing you! I'm just asking you a question!" Tony corrected.

"Just a question?" Ziva assured.

"Yeah! Jeez, Ziva! Don't get ahead of yourself!" Tony said and chuckled a little bit.

She was dead-serious – she barely moved or made a sound. She was scared to the roots of her heart and he noticed it. He saw how she started to shiver like a little girl.

"Hey, it's okay. I was just really going to ask you a question, I wasn't going to propose," Tony tried to calm her down. He took a grip of her shoulders and smiled warmly, "It's okay".

It took few seconds for Ziva to calm down and look at him, "What do you want to ask me?"

"That do you," he trailed off and watched how something in her eyes changed. The momentary panic turned to the familiar look she was wearing most of the time. It was a mixture of pleasant numbness and confusion. It was like she was just living, but not really living at all.

"Do I what?" Ziva asked and tilted her head a little bit to the right.

"Wait... Let's change the subject a little bit. If I would have really asked you to marry me, what would you have answered?" Tony changed his question.

"Are you serious?" Ziva asked and noticed that he really was, "Well, I would have said no, of course".

"Because we haven't been together for that long or because of something else?" Tony questioned.

"What interrogation is this?" Ziva asked and tried to chuckle, but she muffled the sound once she noticed that he wasn't kidding with his questions.

"We have been together for less than two weeks, that is not a good time for anyone to propose. It's way too fast," Ziva said and shook her head a little bit.

"That's your reason? Your only reason?" Tony asked.

"What do you want me to answer?" Ziva asked, she wasn't enjoying these questions. She'd rather avoid them.

"That it's your only reason," he said.

"What other would I have?" Ziva asked and looked closely at him.

"I don't know, I just," he trailed off, "I just want that to be the only one. There's nothing more than just that".

"Tony," Ziva furrowed her brows, "What is really going on?"

"I just, I've been having few doubts," he said and wiped his face with his hand, "I'm not breaking up with you now, don't even think about that. I love you, I really do, but I've just been wondering... Do you love me back?"

Ziva stopped to think for a moment. Tony thought that he had brought out the problem and now she'd recognized it in herself, but he was wrong. Ziva just looked at him and bit her lip.

"I, um ," she hesitated.

"Do you love me?" Tony asked and wanted desperately to know that he was all wrong and that she would love him back.

There it was again – the look was fading from her eyes and the panic was taking over. She looked like she wanted to leave as quick as possible but couldn't because he wouldn't let her go.

"Ziva?" he asked after he didn't get an answer.

"I do not know what to say," she said and took few deep breaths.

"Just tell me that you love me," Tony asked and couldn't figure out why she just didn't say it to him already.

"I," she shook her head, "I have to go," she said and turned around.

"What? Ziva! You are not doing this to me again!" Tony said and grabbed her arm.

"Do not touch me! Let me go! I cannot do this!" she shook herself off of his grip and ran away.

Tony stood still and watched her go. He didn't even try to make a move to stop her.

"What she cannot do?" Abby stood behind Tony. She had read from Ziva's lips that something was going wrong again.

"Say that she loves me back," Tony answered and didn't turn his gaze off from the door and the elevator. There was still a chance she'd come back and fell into his arms and kiss all his doubts away.

"Why don't you go after her?" Abby asked.

"I don't wanna pressure her," Tony said without any kind of edge in his voice. He sounded like he was surrendering.

"Tony!" Abby turned him around to face her, "Remember what happened last time when things went like this? She left and was gone too long! You gotta do something! Go after her! Fight, God dammit!"

Tony lifted his brows, "Sure! Jeez, don't slap me! I'm going, I'm going!" he said and turned around, while thinking that even trying to get her back wouldn't hurt.

* * *

When he arrived to the squad room, he didn't see Ziva anywhere. McGee and Gibbs were the only ones looking at him like they wanted him to confess a murder.

"Where is she?" Tony asked and walked slowly to his desk. He noticed that Ziva's coat and purse were missing.

"She left," McGee said and tilted his head a little bit, "Home, we assume".

"Did she say why?" Tony asked and didn't sit on his chair after all, like he planned first.

"No, but we are now hoping you would tell us," Gibbs say and narrowed his eyes.

"See you later," Tony avoided his boss' question, grabbed his keys and rushed to the elevator. He wouldn't lose a chance of talk to her – no matter what she'd decide next.

* * *

**Oopsie what did I do with this story again? You thought the happy days would come again? Well you thought wrong.**  
**What do you think will happen now? Share, share, kids. And keep the lovely reviews coming! See you in the next chapter xo**

**~ L**


	25. Chapter 25

Tony opened Ziva's apartment's door slowly. He walked into the silence, but he knew she was there. He walked through the apartment until he came to her bedroom. He saw her sitting on the edge of the bed, looking in front of her. She didn't seem to notice him at first, but soon she lifted her sad and empty gaze to meet his eyes.

"I packed," her voice shivered. Tony looked down on the floor and saw suitcases laying around. One of them was closed and one was open. He bit his lip, he knew what this meant.

"I am so sorry," she said and felt tears running down on her cheeks, "This was supposed to end well. I was going to stay but I cannot".

"Why?" Tony asked and sat next to her.

"Because I am not finished," Ziva answered and sniffed, "I feel like I did not get to finish my own journey. I want to stay here and be with you and the team, but I cannot. I cannot sit behind the desk, do all the routines and come back home and go it throught all over again with you".

"So, you're leaving again?" Tony asked and looked at his hands. They didn't shiver, they were cold.

"I have to. I need to," she said and looked closely at his profile, "Until I have found out what I have been looking for, I am not coming back or staying here".

"I get it," he nodded a little bit.

"You do?" Ziva sounded surprised.

"I do. I don't necessarily wanna understand it, but I do, in a way," he said and then looked at her, "You have to finish this".

"Yes," she nodded.

"But before you go, answer one question," Tony asked and looked at her dark eyes. His gaze was sad and desperate when hers was confused and tear-stained.

"What do you want to know?" she asked.

"Do you love me?" he said and didn't take his eyes off of her.

She bit her lip, took few deep breaths and didn't know was the truth always the best way to go, but on the other hand, he knew how bad liar she was. Her heart hurt to confess him the truth but what else could she have done?

"I do not know," she finally said.

"You don't know?" Tony couldn't believe what she was saying.

"No, I honestly do not know," she said and sounded like she was speaking the truth.

"How can't you know?" Tony asked and wanted more explanation than what she was giving him.

"The other part of me is sure about this and about my feelings towards you, but the other part, the one that wants so desperately to leave is not. That part just cannot tell you how she feels and trust me, if I could just say it, I would. And if I would say it now, it would not mean a thing," she said and took his hands on hers.

"But do you feel the same way as I do?" Tony asked.

"Perhaps," she said and looked at their hands, "I do care about you but I still cannot stay here just for you. I have to find the one piece that is missing from my life, till I can fully be part of yours".

"Some people look that for a lifetime, Ziva," he pointed out.

"If I do so, I will promise to let you know," she said quietly.

They looked at each other longingly. It was like they were miles apart even thought they were so close. Their eyes lingered to keep the contact, when Tony closed the gab between them with a tender kiss. She didn't back away, she felt like this was a goodbye that was meant to be sealed with a kiss.

"I will," he whispered into her ear, when he just held her tight, "miss you".

"I will miss you too," she confessed and clung onto him like the last string of hope in her life. She held the man who loved her with everything he could, when she wasn't capable of doing the same for him.

"I love you anyway," he said and smelled the familiar shampoo on her hair. "wherever you are".

"I know," she said.

They finally parted, "Are you gonna leave now?" he asked.

"Yes, my plane leaves soon," she said, stood up and put few last things on the suitcase that was still open.

"Back to Brazil, I assume?" Tony asked and helped her to close it.

"Yes," she confirmed.

"Well, I think I should go then. I have no apparent reason to make you stay," he sighed and walked living room and to kitchen. Ziva followed him to the front door.

"I am sorry," she said and leaned against the doorway.

"Me too," he said and tried to smile, "I really thought we would have a shot now".

Ziva didn't say anything and Tony didn't expect her to, so he closed the door in between them, but it was way more easier to close than the open wound of love in his heart.

She stood on the other side of the wooden object standing in between them. She looked at the door knob and for a few passing seconds, she wished he would come back and give her some sort of a reason to stay, but what use would that have? The feeling of her missing something that couldn't been found in work or being with him was something she had to figure by herself. She walked back to the living room and took her suitcases. She walked back to the front door and turned around one last time to look at it. She flashed a smile, like a thank you for the memories the apartment had kept inside of it, then she switched off the lights and left.

* * *

Tony walked to his car and sat on the driver's seat. He stared at the steering wheel and missed Ziva leaving the building.

He wanted to stop feeling so hurt and sad. He wanted to take it all back and save his heart from all this. He loved Ziva and that was something he couldn't quit in a day or two, but he wanted the stupid pain to fade away. Looking back his life, he had felt the same way before, every woman he had ever developed any kind of feelings for, left him standing all alone.

Ringing phone interrupted his thoughts, "DiNozzo! Where are you?" Gibbs asked at the other end of the line.

"I am sitting inside of my car, at the moment boss," he answered.

"Where's Ziva?" Gibbs asked.

"Going to catch a flight back to Brazil," Tony said and sounded tired and given up.

"What?!" Gibbs yelled.

"Yeah, she left again, boss," Tony said and for few seconds he listened how Gibbs gave his best not-so-supportive words to him.

"I'm sorry boss, this all just wasn't enough," Tony finally managed to say when Gibbs had to take a breath in between his words.

"DiNozzo, remember what I once said to you in my basement," Gibbs reminded his senior field agent.

"I can't recall anything specific now," Tony said and wiped his face.

"I told you not be me and to learn from it," Gibbs said and Tony remembered their conversation on that Christmas, "So don't be like me. Don't chase and then lose! If she means that much to you, go and get her!"

"But, boss -"

"Oh shut up and do something about this! Fight for her! Because the truth is," Gibbs trailed off for a bit, "The truth is that when I've watched you two be together and play grab-ass, I've noticed that I haven't ever seen you happier in my life".

"Woah, boss, that's really deep," Tony said and couldn't believe what Gibbs had just said.

"Shut up and go already!" he said and hang up.

And then Tony suddenly felt it again – the hope rising from the ashes and his courage coming back as well as his will to fight over of what he had.

He started the car and drove like a mad man to the airport.

* * *

**Wiihii, a little cliffhanger here! Are you excited? Or is it all gonna fail again?**  
**See you in the next chapter xo**

**~ L**


	26. Chapter 26

"Half hour until the flight to Brazil leaves," an announcement echoed through the air station. Ziva checked her watch and didn't enjoy waiting at all.

"Half hour is a long time to wait all by yourself," a voice of a man said. Slowly Ziva lifted her gaze and noticed how Tony was standing in front of her.

"Tony?" she breath out. She didn't even notice anyone standing there, especially him. What was he even doing there?

"Hi! So we're still going to Brazil?" Tony asked and smiled widely.

"What? I am going, you are not," she said and didn't understand why he was standing there.

"No, that's where you are wrong," he smiled.

"What do you mean?" Ziva asked.

Tony took her hands in his and kept on smiling, "I'm coming with you".

"What?!" Ziva shouted maybe a little bit too loud than she should have.

"Shh! You heard me! I'm coming with you," he said and looked excited, "I love you and I don't really wanna be away from you again so I'm coming with you! Let's go to Brazil! Let's found out your missing piece together! Two sets of eyes are better than one!"

"Do you hear yourself? Do you understand what you are saying right now?" Ziva made sure.

"I'm telling you, I'm very serious about this and I wanna do this – I wanna do this with you," Tony said and smiled. He was sure, well not really, but he knew that this was something that was had to be done and he wanted it. He wanted to be with her and if it meant traveling around the world, he'd do it. Just as long as he was with her, everything would be alright.

"This is insane, Tony," Ziva pointed out and stood up. She didn't understand anything. Just a little while ago, they were saying goodbye and now he was coming to Brazil with her? In her mind, that sounded like a horrible plan. She thought she'd go through the changes and find the missing piece all by herself – Tony wasn't part of the searching.

"I know! This totally insane but who cares? This is my life and I wanna live it! And I wanna be with you! So screw everything, I'm coming with you!" he said and sounded excited. He looked at her with eyes that were desperately trying to convince her to change her mind in this last moment. He didn't want a goodbye, he wanted to be with her. All the time in the bedroom, at work, in her and his places, the movies, the moments, the laughter – how could someone just throw that away? It should be cherished till the day they would both die.

"You cannot do this. You have work, the team and -"

"And you," Tony pointed out and smiled, "I have you too. Work will wait, the team will eventually understand and I will get my chance with you outside of everything. We would be out from the office, from our homes – far away from all the familiar things. All we could count on would be each other," he trailed off with his green eyes sparkling with hope, "Can you manage that?"

"I, um," Ziva didn't know how to response. He was about to step from the edge for her. The team was his family, it was all he had when he felt like he had no one, they were the only ones who never left and he was about to throw all that away just to be with her? She could already feel the disappointment that the team would have to face when someone, who had been there right from the start would leave? And what if they wouldn't come back? What if they would stay somewhere else for the rest of their lives?

"Oh God, Tony! I cannot do this! You cannot do this!" she shook her head.

"Stop with that already!" he said, "That doesn't do any good to anyone! If we wanna do this, we should just do it! We should just go for it and stop with the regrets!"

"But how can you just leave?" Ziva didn't understand. This was all so sudden.

"You did it, so why can't I?" he said seriously and shook his head. He tried to smile again, "I – We - can do this. Why wouldn't we leave now and come back later?"

"But the team is your family and you love them and -"

"I love you too," Tony point out and looked deep into her eyes, "I love you enough to do this. You don't love me yet, at least not that much, but I promise, I'm very lovable, so you will learn to love me one day. This _Eat, Pray, Love -_adventure will do good for us, so let's do this!"

"_Eat, Pray, Love_?" Ziva furrowed her brows.

"It's a movie. Julia Roberts is playing the lead and – Well, that isn't important now! The important thing here is that you and me will do what she did in the movie!" Tony chuckled, "Except that you don't have to find anyone and pray that much..."

Ziva shook her head furiously, "What are you talking about?!"

"The movie! Okay, I get it, it's not that important!" Tony corrected them both, "But anyway, let's do this!"

"Fifteen minutes until the flight to Brazil leaves!" the announcement said and Ziva turned to look at the speakers, the gate and Tony. This was out of line, this was unheard of and never planned.

"Fifteen minutes to make a decision," he said, "I'm gonna buy my ticket now. I may have to flirt to that pretty lady, so don't be jealous," he smiled and rushed to buy his ticket.

Ziva looked at the man who ran around like a headless chicken. She looked at him and couldn't stop feeling the anxiety and pressure. She wanted to go all by herself and find what she was looking for. Tony was supposed to say goodbye and stay here. Now he was coming with her and looking at her with those hopeful eyes. Ziva shook her head and placed a hand on her mouth. She couldn't make a decision in fifteen minutes.

"Got it! I flirted and smiled and look what I got!" he said and showed her the tickets, "Did you decide yet?"

"You cannot come with me," she said quickly, "I am sorry, but I have to do this all by myself and you will stay here and try to find a happiness without me. Everybody are replaceable, even me. So you will be hating me for a while but maybe one day you will find the strength to forgive me. I am not doing this because I want to hurt you. I am doing this for the both of us. We have been so long in this same situation that we are stuck and we cannot get out unless one of us does something. I am choosing to be the one and I am getting on that plane and I will leave and you will stay here and tell the team how sorry I am once again".

Tony's smile faded, his heart skipped a beat and his throat turned dry.

"You love me so much that you would sacrifice everything for me. I love you enough to let you go. This is for the best, trust me," she added and smiled sadly, "I have to go now".

"No! Wait!" This time Tony realized to stop her. He grabbed her arm and stood face to face to her, "You can't just leave".

"I can and I will," she shook her head, "I am so sorry".

"But you can't leave. You said you love me, you can't leave after saying something like that! You just said that you love me enough to let me go! That is some kind of a love, I think, so you cannot leave! I won't let you," he stood his ground and pierced his gaze through her.

Ziva shook down to her core, "I did not -"

"You did say you love me!" Tony said, "You can't just take that back!"

"I have to go," Ziva changed the subject.

"And I'm coming with you," Tony said, "Look, I know you don't want this, but we can do this. I wanna know how this works out. I'm not begging for your permission this time, I'm suggesting you into it. We're doing this and we're doing this together! You and me are going to Brazil! End of story!"

Ziva seemed baffled, "I, um -"

"Good, me too! Let's go!" Tony dragged her through the gates and into the plane.

Ziva didn't argue, she thought maybe he was right. Maybe she could find something with him - or at least try. He loved her so much and that was too much to just thrown away.

She smiled when she sat on her seat, "I am not taking it back," she said and looked at Tony, who looked back at her and smiled.

* * *

**Aw, look at that. Our little couple is heading towards new adventures together! This is happy, right!**  
**Oh, and realize, that Ziva is still hesitating. She feels some sort of love towards Tony, but it is not as strong as his love is. Maybe one day she'll get there.**  
**Okay, see you in the next chapter xo**

**~ L**


	27. Chapter 27

Gibbs wasn't that happy when Tony called him briefly from his and Ziva's flight to Brazil that he wasn't showing up to work anytime soon. Even though Gibbs was upset, he was also proud of his senior field agent for doing something like this. He didn't stay in one place and live with his regrets like Gibbs himself.

The boss got occasional calls from the couple and he thought it was better than no calls at all. They'd tell him about what what they had done, the places they'd visited and other things like that. Tony's favorite subject – along side of quoting every moment to a movie – was to talk about food. He kept talking about it on and on until Gibbs stopped him. Then the next popular subject was work. Gibbs would often talk about Tony and Ziva's replacements and how the work environment had changed. Tony was always happy to know that whatever would happen, Gibbs would always save his and Ziva's places.

The only subject they didn't talk about was the future. Asking would Tony and Ziva ever come back seemed to be something that Gibbs never brought up. It was like he didn't wanna know that there was a chance than they wouldn't ever come back.

Time was the one that would settle everybody's questions, but was it enough, was a completely different deal.

* * *

A year later things had changed a lot. The calls still came from Tony and Ziva, but just occasionally. They would still talk about food, work and each other, but it wasn't the same. Gibbs and McGee had been dealing with replacements for months and each one of them left because their time was up or because NCIS didn't posses the work ritual they did.

The team took Tony's departure quite well. Abby had called a very angry phone call to Tony, in which she screamed why the hell would he leave the team, but that was all the anger he had received from Abby. Her later phone calls were a lot more friendly and their favorite subjects were work and surprisingly, sports. Sister Rosita kept on making new records on bowling!

It was never easy to deal with two members of the team leaving, but it was something that was had to be managed through. Time didn't make anything better, it just changed things. The ones who remained from the old team, stuck together. They talked and tried to make sure that none of them wouldn't leave.

"I have to go now, they are coming back," Gibbs hang up a phone call with Tony, after he saw the two newest replacements coming out from the elevator. They were arguing – just like that most of the time. They would fight even about the smallest things, like lunches and turns to drive the NCIS truck. Their behavior drove McGee and Gibbs nuts. They listened the two agents that FBI had to spare and just sighed and shook their heads. Their arguing wasn't hard to deal with at first but listening to that for days, even weeks, was just horrible.

"It's the brother!" Julia Grath, the female agent, said and threw her hands in the air, "It's so obvious! How can you be so stupid that you don't see it?"

The male agent, John Allister, shook his head and rolled his eyes, "It's the wife! She did it! How can _you _be so stupid?"

McGee sat behind his desk and looked at Gibbs. He looked back and they both sighed.

"I can't believe what an idiot you are, Allister!" Julia yelled and sit behind her desk, which was Ziva's old one.

John sat behind Tony's old desk and narrowed his eyes, "You're one to talk, Grath! This is so obvious that you not seeing it makes you a stupid agent!"

"Oh God, Allister! You have gotten really low!" Julia yelled until Gibbs whistled.

"Enough! Both of you!" he shouted and finally silenced them down, "What do you have? And before you start shouting, one at a time, please. Julia, start".

"The vic's brother did it. He's so guilty, that I bet 20 bucks that he did it! He's face is on the security tape and he's been holding a grudge to him like since the day he was born! The bros didn't get along!" Julia said and flashed a smug smile at John, who stood up and was ready to give his version of the story.

"She's wrong. It was the wife who did it. She was also in the security tape and she had known all along that his hubby was cheating on her with some 20-year old booty babe! It was a passion crime! Jealousy was the reason. People have killed for less," he said and gazed at Julia.

"I can imagine that very easily right now," she hissed like an angry cat.

"Shut up," McGee and Gibbs said at the same time, when they sensed that the conversation would lead back to shouting.

"Sorry," John and Julia apologized.

"Go get more proof and convince me again," Gibbs said and the two agents left again. Frankly, Gibbs didn't care where they'd go as long as they would just leave.

"Boss, I'm saying this with the most respect towards these colleagues," McGee started and stood up, "I can't stand them!"

Gibbs stared at McGee and then sighed, "I will quit, if they won't leave soon".

"I knew you'd feel the same way!" McGee sounded revealed, "So what are we gonna do?"

"Let's go see Abby. Then we can finish this case and get rid of them," Gibbs said and nodded McGee to follow him.

"Finish the case? What do you mean? Do you already know who did it?" McGee asked when they stepped into the elevator.

"The wife did it," Gibbs revealed.

"Then why did you send them away?" McGee asked.

"Just to get rid of them," Gibbs said and they couldn't help my let out a chuckle.

* * *

**This is a little gaze to the team back in Washington. They are bonding in a new way. They are gathering the broken pieces together. You can notice the change in Gibbs' behavior, he is a lot more open and makes jokes just like that. He isn't closed up to the core anymore. McGee has taken a much more different and meaningful place in the team now. He has a lot to say and now it has been heard. He is keeping it together and helping Gibbs do the same too. The replacements John and Julie are quite annoying but a good balance to the seriousness that are Gibbs and McGee. And also they are a comic reveal.**  
**Sorry for that mini rant thingy. See you in the next chapter xo**

**~ L**


	28. Chapter 28

He felt like he was getting old – like suddenly the years, the days, even the minutes started to weight heavy on his shoulders and form lines on his face. Gibbs never guessed he would get tired of what he was doing, but lately everything had been more frustrating and his concentration wasn't like it use to be.

He walked inside of his home and sighed. He wondered how many years he could still be an agent without any kind of complications? He had dedicated his whole life to a one cause, the Navy and he was sure that he was going to die while serving it.

"It's been a year and you still don't lock your front door. Some things never change," someone said.

Gibbs turned around and was ready to pull out his gun when he recognized the owner of the voice, "What the hell are you doing here?"

"We are back," Ziva smiled.

"Permanently, this time," Tony added with a wide smile on his face.

The situation hit hard on Gibbs. It made his head spin and his thoughts to blur. Was this really happening? It was all so confusing that he wished to stop time and just think for a little while, but he couldn't do that now. He had a choice to make - he could choose to question them and not believe them or he could be happy that they were back.

"Are you serious?" he wanted to know.

"Yes. It was time to come back home," Ziva said and smiled.

Gibbs walked in front of them and looked at them for a passing moment before shaking hands with Tony and hugging Ziva. No one could notice, that underneath the cool and steady surface, the boss was bubbling with happiness. There wasn't enough words to cover this situation. It was overwhelming and happy. The two missing pieces from the team puzzle had come back.

"What happened to you?" he asked when he took a good look at Tony, who sighed and tried to explain how fell asleep on a beach and didn't wake up until Ziva came. She had giggled and pointed out how tanned he was.

"Poor thing, everybody seems to notice only that when they see you," Ziva said and patted his cheek. Tony wrapped his arms around her and kissed her hair.

"I can tell about your accident on the store at Tel Aviv, if you like," he teased and laughed when her laugh turned to upsetting hissing and her eyes narrowed to lines.

"Do not," she warned.

"Ziva was at a store in Tel Aviv. She had this huge bag with her and every time she turned around I was afraid that she'll bring down the whole store. Well, we were leaving there and I was so revealed that nothing had happened – and then she turns around one more time a and just like that, a pile of frozen peas in cans falls down! She was so embarrassed and I was standing outside of the store, laughing till I couldn't even breathe!" Tony said and chuckled to the memory.

"I hate you," she hissed and crossed her arms to her chest.

Tony wrapped her inside of his embrace, "You love me".

Gibbs looked at them and noticed how something had changed deeply. He could sense the build-up, solid trust and the love between them. They seemed happy and there was the spark of hope in both of their eyes that had disappeared from them before. And when they kissed, Gibbs knew just what Abby had known back then, they were truly meant to be.

"What are you gonna do now?" the boss finally asked.

"I hoped, we could come back to work, that would be a start," Tony said and hoped that he and Ziva would still have their jobs secured.

"I think that's possible," Gibbs thought. He had kept a close eye that no one would ever take their place. No could ever replace the two people that were in his mind so irreplaceable.

"Can I ask you a question of the replacements?" Ziva asked, "What do you do when the old ones change to new ones? Do you have a protocol for that or do you just tell the rest of the team that whose are coming in?"

"I call Abby, Ducky and McGee to meet me and then tell them. That's how we've been doing it," Gibbs explained, "Why do you ask?"

"Could you call them now and do the basic protocol? But don't tell that it's us who are coming," Tony asked and Gibbs shrugged. He didn't understand why he was supposed to do this but he called to Abby, Ducky and McGee and told them to meet him in squad room at 0630.

"And now what?" he asked.

"You will go there normally in the morning and tell them that another replacement pair is coming soon and then we come out and it is sort of a surprise," Ziva planned.

"Sounds good," Gibbs smiled.

"Oh and one more thing," she said, "Could we spent the night in here? Tony's place is a mess and I sold mine, so..."

"Of course," Gibbs nodded, "The guest-room is, well, you know where it is".

"We do, boss, thank you," Tony said and took Ziva by the hand. They started to walk towards their bedroom until Ziva stopped. She told him that she'd come after him. Tony smiled, nodded and closed the guest-room's door.

"Gibbs?" Ziva asked and watched how he slowly sat on the couch where she and Tony had sat before. He looked so fragile.

"What is it?" he lifted his gaze to meet hers.

"Thank you," she said, "Not just for letting us stay here... Thank you for not being mad at us".

"Why would I be mad?" he asked.

"Because we just left and all you have gotten are phone calls, that in this case, were not so special. We left you all hanging on and broke the team up even more," Ziva said and sat next to him.

"I understand," Gibbs said and looked at her, "It was a quick decision, there wasn't time to think everything further".

Ziva smiled a little, "Tony came to the airport. He said that he would be leaving with me and it would not matter what you would say, he would come anyway. He bought his ticket and before we realized it, we were in a plane, heading towards Brazil. It was scary, yes, but along the way, I realized how much good it did for us".

"What is your situation now?" Gibbs asked.

"It is," Ziva searched for the right word, "It is us. I do not know what it is exactly but I know I do want to be with him, no matter what we have to face. He has shown me something else in life that I thought I would never see".

"Did you find what you were looking for?" Gibbs wondered and couldn't be more grateful for the smile that was covering her mouth. She seemed so happy and he felt like a proud father.

"No," Ziva said and suddenly her eyes turned glassy, "But I found myself".

"And love, apparently," Gibbs added and dried the tear that was running down on her cheek.

"Yes, and love," she nodded.

"Are you happy now?" Gibbs asked.

"I am, more than ever," Ziva said and smiled though the tears, "And I love him. And I want to come back to work. This is the place where I really belong, along side with him and beside you all".

"I'm glad you are back," Gibbs hugged her, "You have no idea how glad I am".

"Be more glad tomorrow, because we have a surprise for you and the team," Ziva said mysteriously as she parted from Gibbs.

"Surprise? Are you pregnant?" Gibbs asked straight away.

"What?" Ziva's eyes widened, "No! I am not!"

"Oh, I was already getting worried that now I have to not only take care of you all but a little baby. I think I'm too old for that," Gibbs chuckled.

"Do not get too old for that, because one day that might become true," Ziva pointed out and stood up, "I will go to bed now. Goodnight and thank you".

"Goodnight, Ziver," Gibbs smiled and watched how she walked to the guest-room.

Tony was waiting on the bed for her. He lifted his gaze to meet hers and smiled, "Are you okay?"

"I am," she said and changed to her underwear before climbing on the bed next to him. She nested close to him and enjoyed the one of a kind security and feeling he gave to her by just holding her.

"Are you okay?" Ziva asked.

"Never better," he said and kissed her hair.

"We are finally back home," she said and yawned, "And we are still together. I would call this an achievement".

"Me too," Tony chuckled, "And I still love you".

"I love you too," she said and he lowered down a bit to give her a sweet goodnight kiss.

* * *

**Right now, if you are thinking like this is missing the point of how they got back to Washington and what happened while they were away, don't worry. You will have an explanation later.**  
**But anyway, look at them! They are happy! I mean, now they are really happy. Ziva isn't hesitating anymore and Tony is really happy that he followed her. You will found out the reasons why later!**  
**See you in the next chapter xo**

**~ L**


	29. Chapter 29

**HEY HEY HEY BEFORE YOU READ THIS CHAPTER NOTICE THAT THE PARTS THAT ARE WRITTEN _LIKE THIS,_ I MEAN LIKE IN CURSIVE, ARE FLASHBACKS!**

* * *

Abby, Ducky and McGee were waiting for Gibbs in the squad room. They were discussing about the new replacement they'd meet soon. Would there be another pairing like Julia and John were? McGee shook his head and said he wouldn't be working that much, if another pairing from hell would arrive. Abby agreed with McGee, who said that she would get along any other people except for them. Ducky rolled his eyes and said that the Julia and John were a challenge indeed.

Finally Gibbs arrived. He rushed to the squad room, where everybody were waiting. He leaned against Tony's old desk and sighed, "They are here. I just saw them, they are coming up on the elevator soon".

"Please don't tell us, that they're like the last replacements?" McGee asked and frowned.

"They might be even worse," Gibbs said and wiped his face with his hands.

"How can they be worse?" McGee asked and looked like he was about to fall into a deep state of desperation.

"Oh my God," Abby breath out and she saw the elevator's doors opening.

"I was thinking just the same," McGee stared at the floor and shook his head, "This is not good".

"No, Tim, look!" Abby said and a wide smile spread all over her mouth.

McGee looked at the elevator's direction and so did Ducky. They both started smiling as well.

"You two are back!" Abby chirped and jumped up and down. She threw herself on Tony's embrace and hugged him with such force that he had to took a step back. Ziva looked at them and chuckled. She was glad to receive the same welcoming gesture from Abby herself.

"What happened to your face?" McGee squinted and looked at Tony carefully.

"Don't even go there, probie," he warned, "It's a long story".

"I have so many jokes in my head right now," McGee chuckled.

Tony broke into a smile and shook hands with the probie, "Good to see you too".

Ducky greeted Ziva with a light peck on the cheek and Tony with a firm handshake. He was a gentleman, after all. Then the started to tell a story about some royalties, until Gibbs interrupted them.

"Not now, Duck," he said.

"Are you guys back for good?" Abby asked after she had hugged the couple again and was now settled against Tony's side. He had his arm wrapped around her and his right hand entwined with Ziva's.

"Looks like it," Tony answered and smiled.

"Gibbs! You tricked us," Abby said and pointed at their boss.

"I told you the truth, they are worse," he said and smiled, "Aren't their?"

"Thanks," Tony said and acted like his feelings were hurt.

"He might be right, we did cause a lot of complications," Ziva said and chuckled, "But let us hope there will not be more".

"Except for the surprise," Gibbs pointed out.

"What surprise?" Abby asked. She was still standing next to Tony, but he lowered down his arm so that he didn't have it around her anymore.

"Zee-vah," Tony said and took the now free hand and pointed at Ziva.

"We have a surprise for you all or maybe it is more like a request," she took her turn to speak, "We would like you all to come to Gibbs' place tonight. We have something for you in there".

"It's a party of some sort," Tony added.

"Because of this," Ziva said and lifted her right arm up. She bent the wrist and a small diamond ring on her finger sparkled. Abby squealed with excitement and took Ziva's hand on her own and checked the ring carefully.

"You're not pregnant are you?" she asked.

"No I am not, and besides, Gibbs already asked that," Ziva shook her head.

"You always fear the worst, boss," Tony pointed out and made Gibbs chuckle.

"We were walking in a beach in Costa Rica, when..."

* * *

_The waves were hitting on the bay when Tony and Ziva were walking on the beach on a late night. Costa Rica was their latest place for adventure for now two weeks. She walked with no shoes on and loved the way the tide hit her feet. She looked behind them both and saw how in the far away their footsteps were being washed away._

_"I think," Tony said between the sounds of the waves, "We should go back home. To Washington, I mean"._

_Ziva looked surprised, "What? I thought you wanted to be with me?"_

_"I do, but I think it's time for us to go back home," he said and they stopped walking._

_"But I have not found what I am looking for," she pointed out and felt how he took her hands in his._

_"What if there isn't anything to look for anymore? What if there isn't anything?" Tony thought and it seemed like this wasn't the only time he had given though to Ziva's purpose._

_"There is! I can feel it! I know it is there and it has to be found," she argued back._

_"What are we doing then? Why haven't we already found it. We have been searching it for months. If you so strongly know what it is and where it is, why haven't you found it yet?" Tony asked and made Ziva free herself from his grip._

_"Are you doubting me?" she questioned, "I never even asked you to come with me here"._

_"I know, that was my own choice, but back then I thought you knew what you had to find, but now I see that you have no clue!" Tony pointed out and threw his hands up in the air, "So why are we still looking for nothing?"_

_"There is something! I know there is!" Ziva kept on arguing, "Just believe me!"_

_"I do believe you! But I wanna come back home too! I love you and I wanna be with you but I can't just follow you around and hope that one day the thing or whatever it is drops from the sky and then we're good to go back! That's ridiculous!" Tony pointed out._

_"Then go back! Leave! There is nothing to hold you back here! You were never supposed to come here in the first place, but now you have your chance to go, so leave!" Ziva raised her voice even though she understood Tony's point. They had been looking for something for months and nothing had been found. Maybe it was all in vain, but she didn't want to give up, until the feeling of something missing from her would be gone._

_Tony walked close to her, "I can't leave"._

_"Why not? You are free to do anything you like. No one is ordering you to be here with me," Ziva said and lowered her head to look at the wet sand underneath her feet._

_Tony lifted her chin up with his fingers, "I love you. And when I do so, I can't just bail out. I'm in this because that is what I choose. All I'm saying that this running around is making me feel really old, tired and... well, broke"._

_"Then leave, I have no other suggestion to give to you," Ziva said and even in the darkness of the night, she looked fragile._

_"I love you and I really can't just__ leave you," Tony looked deep into her dark eyes. He saw no more of that hesitation or desperation – he could again see the fearless and fragile woman that he so deeply had grown to love._

_"I want to go inside. I am cold and I do not want to argue about this tonight. So please, would you want to come inside with me now?" Ziva said, turned around and took few steps back, to the direction of the hotel they'd been staying._

_"No, Ziva," Tony stood still. The ocean behind him roared with it's force and broke the waves into the shore, "I wanna marry you"._

_Suddenly the waves weren't making such a big noise, but her heart was. It was racing like it was it's last minute or second to beat. Her mind spun and then it blurred into one question; what did he had just said? She turned around slowly and faced him in the darkness._

_"What did you just say?" she asked with a shivering voice._

_"Marry me," Tony suggested and smiled, "As I've been running around with you, I've noticed how tired I really am to all of that. I don't wanna do it anymore. I wanna settle down and do something else. And I love you. I love you so much and I don't wanna waste anymore time. I don't wanna go back to the way I was and I most certainly don't wanna lose you again, so... Marry me"._

_"Tony, that is- you cannot just," Ziva didn't really know what to say._

_"I can. And I just did. And now is your turn to answer me," he said._

_Ziva went awfully silent. She carefully looked at Tony's eyes and noticed that he was indeed very serious. His suggestion was the last one she had ever imagined but he was right about the love. She noticed how he was around her, how he looked at her and felt around her. He was but still wasn't the same man anymore. On the outside, everything was like before but on the inside, his heart had someone to love and his soul felt like it had found a mate._

_A smile covered her mouth and she felt how her heart melted, but still she answered him no._

_"What? Why?" Tony was baffled. This was very sudden but there wasn't any room for a no._

_"I have to think about this," Ziva explained and took his hand in hers, "Let's go back in. I think it is starting to rain".  
_

* * *

Abby gasped loudly, "You said no?"

"I did," Ziva nodded and looked at Tony, "I said no at first, but after two days..."

* * *

_The sound of rain and her thoughts kept Ziva awake. Tony had already fallen asleep. He had said that the sound of raindrops were soothing to him, but she definitely couldn't agree. The rain had started two days ago and she hadn't got that much sleep at all. She thought about her relationship with the man lying next to her and about what he had said two nights ago. He had asked her to marry him but that was far too much and way too fast. Tony hadn't brought the subject up ever since and she thought it would be better that they would let time go by and get more ready for such commitment._

_Ziva was deep inside of her thoughts when suddenly Tony sat up quickly. He was panting heavily and a layer of sweat was glistening on his back. Ziva knew that it was a nightmare that was causing this and she wrapped her arms around him. Once in a while, Tony saw nightmares about his childhood and even though the dreams were different they all included his mother's death in one way or another. This time it was about the night he had heard that his mother wasn't ever coming back home again._

_"It is okay," Ziva hushed him and rocked him slightly in order to calm him down more, "It was just a nightmare"._

_Once the panting had turned into calmer way of breathing, he straightened up from her embrace and turned his gaze to meet her._

_"Are you gonna leave me eventually?" his question was as quiet as a whisper._

_"Why made you think that?" Ziva furrowed her brows._

_"Because everybody else left me before, so why wouldn't you too?" Tony asked and it broke her heart to __see the state he was in. She saw it so rarely that it every time felt as surprising as it did for the first time when he woke up screaming in Brazil. That time the nightmare was about his father and himself placing a rose on top of mother's casket. Tony couldn't still bare the feeling of eternally missing her mother, no matter what kind of a woman she had been._

_"I am not like them. I am not going anywhere, I promise," she swore._

_"Why wouldn't you leave?" Tony asked with such pure honesty that it shook her to the core._

_"Because I love you and as you said yourself, I cannot bail from that," Ziva answered and cupped his face. She kissed him with tenderness and love. She wanted him to believe her._

_"I love you too," he sad quietly and buried his face into her neck. He was looking for safety from her and it took a lot from him to show all this vulnerability to her, but he knew that she was more than worth it and she could take it._

_"I have been thinking," Ziva started and parted from him so that she could look in his eyes, "And I have realized why I have been avoiding everything with you," she took a little pause in between and took a deep breath, "My luck in love has always been under a big question mark and I have never trusted on it completely. There is something about love that I cannot count on and I have been... afraid of it. Our relationship progressed so quickly that I did not have time to think about the misfortune I have had in love but when I finally stopped and thought about it through, I panicked. I could not deal with it with anyone and I thought it would be best to leave"._

_"You ran away," Tony said._

_"I did. I could not allow myself to fall in love with you. That would make me too vulnerable against this world and what I have seen of it – I could not stand to face if alone with such strong feelings in my heart. I left you alone, so that I could try to be brave enough and I was, for a while," she kept on explaining, "When you saw and stopped me on the street, I knew that I had not been brave enough and when you told me you loved me, I felt how you broke yet another piece of my own barrier I had been building around me for years. The more you loved me, the more weaker I got – and the more I loved you back. I could not say it to you back then, because I could not admit to myself what I have been told to deny for all my life"._

_"Your training," Tony figured out._

_"I have been told to keep everything I have inside. Things bottle up, but a way to release them had to be something else than discussing about it. Admitting myself that I was in love with you as well was harder to me than I had excepted but I felt relieved. Something that was so big was hard to keep inside and when I, for the first time and by accident I could finally feel the one stage of freedom I have never felt before – freeing myself from my own past. I was weak to them, maybe even to the world but I was strong to myself, brave enough to admit what I was truly feeling and when I saw what effect it had in you, I knew I had done the right thing and said the right words"._

_"You love me," Tony felt like he was newborn from the love she gave to him._

_"I love you. And I would be a fool to waste it all and say no," she said and smiled._

_Tony's eyes widened, "Does that mean...?"_

_"Yes it does, I will marry you," she smiled and surrendered to his kisses of happiness, love and deep caring.  
_

* * *

"That is so romantic!" Abby said.

"I guess it is," Ziva said. She didn't tell them about Tony's nightmares. To the team she gave the version in which she waited for two days, thought her mind off and then woke him up to say yes. Nobody need to know more about his vulnerability.

"We decided to have two small weddings or more like just ceremonies – one in my country and one in here," Ziva said and looked at Tony, "We already kept the ceremony at Tel Aviv with my close friends and with my father, so technically we are already married once".

"Now, we'll just do it here and we'll be double-married," Tony said and smiled to his wife and kissed her temple.

"And the ceremony is in the church nearby," Ziva said, "We never thought we could get married without you all. You have been our family for such long time that you all just have to be there".

Abby screamed with excitement, "Can I be your bridesmaid?"

"I do not think I," Ziva was going to say no but Abby's disappointed look changed her mind, "Of course you can. You can decorate Gibbs' place or something for tonight".

"That is so great! Thank you so much!" Abby smiled.

"And you could bring food!" Tony said in between, everybody gazed at him disapprovingly, "What? I checked Gibbs' fridge last night and I'm really not into all beer and ice cubes!"

Ziva chuckled, "Fine. Abby can bring food".

"Great! I'll get it done now," she said and rushed away.

Ducky shook hands with the couple and then left too, "I have bodies that are waiting for me!"

"Gibbs," Ziva said pulled her boss' sleeve, "Can we ask you to do something for us?"

Gibbs nodded and they walked near the windows. There was a little bit more privacy.

"We have one more request to ask from you," Ziva said, "Or it is more like my request".

"What is it?" Gibbs asked and wondered what more could they had come up with.

"The church near by here. We are going there today. We managed to get time for a quick ceremony and we would – I would – love if you could be there to walk me down the aisle," she asked and Gibbs felt his heart getting overwhelmed with such honor.

"Me?" he asked and couldn't hide his happiness. He bowed his head and shook it a little bit, "Wow".

"You are the closest thing to a father in here and I would love if you could do that," Ziva asked and smiled. Tony smiled too and looked at the boss, who was struggling with strong emotions.

"Yeah, of, um – of course I'll do it," Gibbs finally managed to breathe out. He slowly lifted his gaze to meet the already once married couple.

"Thank you," Ziva said and then turned to look at Tony, "We have to go see Vance now," then she looked at Gibbs again, "We will call you when it is show time".

As the two of them headed to upstairs and Gibbs back behind his desk, McGee looked at his boss who seemed like he was crying, "Are you okay?"

Gibbs looked at him, "I'm great," he said and McGee noticed that he wasn't crying, but definitely seemed more emotional than ever before.

"What did they wanna talk to you about?" McGee asked.

"About today," Gibbs said and smiled, "I'll be walking Ziva down the aisle".

Now McGee realized why the boss was feeling so emotional, "Oh, that's great!"

"It is. Truly an honor," Gibbs said and couldn't stop smiling.

* * *

**Here's the background for you. This is what happened during their adventure. This is personally my favorite chapter, even thought I just loved writing the part when Tony and Ziva are in bed and he kisses all her scars. It was really amazing to me. I'm actually quite proud the way I handled Ziva's reasons, I mean the moment in the night at Costa Rica, when she explains Tony why she had run away. I'm personally very proud of that.**  
**But the point here is that they made it. They came back to where they belonged and they are so happy.**  
**I don't know about Jewish wedding traditions that much, but I thought they would just get married once in Tel Aviv, where she is from and then come to America and have one wedding in there, where he is from. I think people can sorta get married twice, or at least renew their vows or something.  
But, we have still a little time, before the end. And yes, it's really near, by the way.**  
**See you in the next chapter xo**

**~ L**


	30. Chapter 30

"We'll start soon," one of the priests of the church came to inform. Tony took deep breaths to calm himself down. Gibbs, McGee, Ducky and Palmer stood behind him and kept on saying that everything would go smoothly.

"I know, I know," Tony answered, "I can't screw this up now. Unless I turn into another Gibbs and -"

The boss headslapped him, "Watch what you are saying, groom!"

"Sorry," Tony apologized and straightened his back up. He was really nervous.

"Junior! Here you are! I've been running all around and I finally found you!" someone panted behind the crew.

Tony turned slowly around, just like the rest of the men, "Dad?"

"Of course! Your bride called me and happened to tell me that my only son is getting married! And here I am, to show you my support," DiNozzo Senior said and smiled widely.

"Oh, well, that's surprising," Tony frowned confusedly when his father gave him a tight hug.

"I'm happy for you, son! You finally did it! Got yourself a good, quality woman who is also smoki -"

"Yeah, I got it, dad, thank you!" Tony interrupted his father from saying stuff he really didn't want to hear.

"Oh, hello there," Senior finally saw the rest of the men staring at him, "I didn't see you there!" he said and shook hands with them all.

"When's the show time?" Senior turned to ask from his son.

"Soon," Tony said and turned to stare at the doors in front of him. Once they'd open up, that would be it. Another marriage blessing ahead, but this time it was with so much nicer company. Last time in Tel Aviv, Tony was constantly being stared by Ziva's father. His blessing towards their marriage was really hard to get and when they finally got it, it was more like a deal then just a blessing. Eli David kept on asking demands from Tony - demands like 'don't hurt her' or 'don't cheat on her' and until Tony had answered every single one of his questions, Eli had given his blessing. Ziva had kept on eye on their process and shook her head. She thought his father was being just ridiculous but if this was all had to be done to get his blessing they might as well do it.

When Tony and the men waited for the doors to open, Ziva looked herself from the mirror. Abby did her hair and Breena had agreed to help them. The bride-to-be was nervous, but she still hadn't been more sure in her whole life. She wanted to marry Tony again and this time it would be with the family that was there when she felt the most lost.

"Are you okay?" Breena asked. She sounded the most calmest of them all.

"I am," Ziva answered, "Just a little nervous"

"It's all gonna be okay," Abby said, "And there will the party afterwards. I organized it already and got the food, so it's all good".

"Thank you," Ziva said and took a deep breath.

"Okay. The hair is done, stand up, please," Abby asked and watched how Ziva slowly stood up and turned to face the women.

"You are beautiful," Breena said and smiled.

"Breathtaking, indeed," Abby added, "Now's the turn to the dress. Where is it?"

"I do not have one," Ziva said, "I have a simple, white dress with me, though. It is in there," she pointed the bag in the corner of the room they were in.

Breena gave Ziva the dress. She put put it on and it looked more precious and beautiful than like every girl's dream.

"It's gorgeous too," Breena said and Abby agreed with her.

"I am ready," Ziva said and turned to look at herself again.

"Can I come in?" Gibbs knocked on the door.

"Yes you can," Abby gave him a permission, "See you soon, Ziva. Good luck!"

"See you," Breena said and left the room with Abby.

Gibbs stepped in and gasped quietly after seeing Ziva in her dress.

"Do I look like a bride?" she smiled.

"Yeah, you do," Gibbs said and couldn't help but feeling proud. There wasn't DNA connecting him and Ziva, but he still considered her as family. She had taught him things about life and turned it less and less black and white. There were point when the trust had shook and things seemed to broke in pieces, but that was all in the past now and the present was way more important.

"Is everything ready out there?" Ziva meant Tony.

"Everything is ready to go," Gibbs said and took her by the shoulders. He turned her to look into the mirror, "It's time to get married".

Ziva looked at her reflection and took a deep breath. She didn't look that much of a pride, but the dress did gave her a some sort of a wedding image. She couldn't believe that she had reach this point. Looking at her past and present situation she seemed like a completely different person. She wasn't weak anymore, or an assassin – she was a special agent of NCIS and a citizen of America.

"Are you okay?" Gibbs asked.

"I am," Ziva said and turned around, "Let's go".

* * *

Tony was waiting at the end of the aisle. He was more nervous than ever. His father was sitting on his seat and so were Ducky and the rest of the crew.

Finally the doors opened up and Ziva started walking down the long aisle with Gibbs. Everybody on the crowd stood up and Tony's eyes were locked on his wife and the beauty she represented with her white dress on.

Ziva smiled and recognized the familiar feeling from the previous time at Tel Aviv. Tony had looked her just like he was looking at her now and he had loved her just as much as he did now.

Gibbs and Ziva reached the end of the aisle and they turned to face each other. He looked at the bride and couldn't help but smile.

"I am so proud of you," he whispered.

Ziva's eyes turned glassy, "Thank you".

Then Gibbs sat on his seat on the crowd and Ziva turned to face Tony. They looked at each other longingly and nobody, except for her, heard how he told her how beautiful she looked. Ziva smiled and couldn't describe the feelings in her heart – such happiness and love.

The priest went through the ceremony in a short pattern and before announcing Tony and Ziva as a husband and wife, he asked for vows.

Tony was the first to start. "When I first met you and if someone would have asked me then, would I someday be married to you, I would have laughed, made a few jokes and said no. If someone would have asked me that few years ago, I would have still said no and laughed. Few weeks ago, no one even needed to ask me, because I knew it myself – I wanted to marry you," he smiled.

"I wanna marry you now and for the rest of my life. I wish I don't end up like our boss, not that there's anything bad in your lifestyle, Gibbs," Tony turned to look at his boss and made the crew laugh, "But anyway. I want you to know that I love you and by far, you're the hottest chick I've ever seen and I wouldn't change you for anything".

It was Ziva's turn, "For a long time, I thought you were a irresponsible, annoying and sexist child. But in time I got to see the side of you that you rarely show – your deep emotions and what you are really thinking. I fell in love with the man who was something else but hiding behind laughter and afraid to commit to anything. I fell in love with the man, who kissed every one of the scars on my skin that were a painful reminder of the time when I was ready to give up. But you brought the hope with you. I fell in love with the man, who showed me that love was not a weakness but the bravest thing I could ever do. You were there in my darkest time, in my desperation and you saved me from myself".

A tear ran down on her cheek, "I am grateful to you for the rest of my life. And now, that we are in this situation, in front of the ones that are the closest to us, I promise to love you with everything I have".

"And now, by the power invested in me in the great state of Washington, I pronounce you, husband and wife," the priest said and smiled, "You may now kiss the pride",

"Again! This is like a deja vu!" Tony laughed and kissed Ziva.

Everybody stood up and clapped their hands. Gibbs whistled and Abby screamed 'hooray'. Breena and Palmer kissed too. There wasn't a bit of sadness in the room.

Gibbs shook hands with Tony, "You did a good job. I'm proud of you too, Anthony".

"Thank you boss," he said but then corrected, "Jethro".

DiNozzo Senior shook also hands with his son and smiled proudly, "You did it. You finally became a true man".

"Thanks, dad," Tony said and smiled.

"Congratulations to the bride too," Senior turn to look at Ziva, "And thank you for the call".

"No problem, you are his father after all," she smiled as her father-in-law, gave her a light peck on the cheek.

Abby jumped up and down again and hugged the couple, "I'm so happy for you guys! And if this all would have been a bet, you would have lost!"

"What do you mean?" Ziva asked.

"I was the one who told you that you're meant to be and I wished you'd get married and have babies and all! Well, I was right about two parts! The third is on it's way, right?" Abby asked.

Tony lifted his eyebrows and slowly turned to look at Ziva, who was already looking at him.

"Too early to say," she finally said and hoped that the subject about babies would end there. Gladly it did.

"But hey, let's all go back to Gibbs' place! It's all party now!" Abby said to everybody and slowly they made their way into their cars and drove to Gibbs' house.

* * *

**Oh my God guys, I feel so proud of them right now. And by the way this is the second last chapter! Oh God, how fast this fic has gone through itself. But this isn't the second last chapter, if I decide to write an epilogue. Should I or should I not? It would work as another closer.**  
**See you in the (possible) last chapter soon xo **

**~ L**


	31. Chapter 31

Music was floating around Gibbs's apartment. Abby's taste in music was rather non-weddingly but it was enough to even try to create a romantic feeling. Tony was swaying with Ziva. He was holding her tight and whispering sweet things into her ear. They looked happy and content. Abby was dancing with McGee, who was more eager to sit down than to dance. Soon she got tired of his whining and asked Ducky to dance with her - he was happy to do so. Abby laughed when Ducky spun her around and they didn't care of how much they were off rhythm, as long as they were having fun.

McGee joined Tony's father and Gibbs on the couch and they watched how Breena and Palmer started dancing too.

"Tony, could you do me a favor?" Ziva asked silently and looked deep into his eyes."What can I do?" he asked and smiled. In every passing moment, he realized how much it would break and hurt him to let Ziva go ever again. He knew that this was the place they were supposed to be and nothing would ever break them apart.

"Could you get two drinks?' she asked.

"Sure. What do you want?" Tony asked as they stopped swaying.

"Not for me - for your father, " Ziva corrected him.

"Why would I get my father a drink, when he hasn't even finished the last one?" Tony looked baffled.

"Because you are going to keep him company, while I dance with Gibbs, " she said.

"I am?" he confirmed.

"You are, " Ziva smiled and patted his cheek.

Tony looked still pretty baffled, but he kissed her and went to get a drink. As he was taking two beers out of the fridge, Ziva walked to Gibbs, who slowly raised his gaze to meet hers.

"Let's dance," she said and smiled.

"Oh, God, no, I can't even -"

"You have danced four times already, I think one more time will not kill you," she said and pulled him up. Slowly Gibbs agreed to drag himself on the dance floor which was actually his whole living room.

Tony sat next to his father, "Here's another," he said and gave him another beer.

Senior looked at his son and then the beer and absentmindedly thanked.

"Hey, dad, are you okay?" Tony asked.

Senior kept on looking at the dancing people, "You know what?"

"What?" Tony asked and was afraid that there was another financial crisis that needed to be solved and his father had to leave.

"Your mother would've been so proud to see this," Senior said and still kept on looking at the dance floor.

Tony turned his gaze quickly towards his father's profile. He looked calm, not upset or sad – it was like he was fallen inside of a beautiful memory.

"She would have been proud that you became the man that she wished you'd one day be," Senior said and sighed, "And she'd be sad to know that I didn't make you that man. I didn't straight you up or gave you any good advises. I didn't make you this. I made you what you were before you met Ziva".

"Dad, it's -"

"Did I ever apologize for that? For never being there for you?" Senior finally turned to look his son.

Tony looked surprised. He couldn't remember the last time his father would have said anything like this to him and Tony found it rather confusing, "I, um... I don't think so. You might have, but -"

"I'm sorry, Junior," the apology was sincere and after it Senior flashed a supporting smile, "I'm proud of you and that you finally made it. You got a woman who's strong enough to stand for both of you and who is breathtakingly beautiful. You got there, son - and all without my help".

Tony went speechless. He had probably never before in his life heard his father being this honest and sincere, "Um, thanks".

"Hold onto what you have," Senior added and sighed, "It might be gone before you know it".

Senior's reference to Tony's mother stung a little bit. The pain of losing a mother would never go away and after all the nightmares he had saw, he would never be able to live without a reminder every now and then that there was only him and his father.

"I'll hold onto it, dad. I promise," Tony said and smiled to his father, "And um, thanks for coming".

"How could I have missed my only son getting married?" Senior asked, "It was very nice of your wife to inform me too".

"I actually did call you once, but I think that either your voicemail is broken or your whole phone is," Tony said and smiled, "You should give it to McGee, he can fix it".

Senior stood up, "Oh, thank you, Junior!" he said but before he could get any further, Tony stopped him.

"Hey, dad, one more thing".

"What's that?"

"Don't call me Junior in front of everybody. It's humiliating as it is," Tony asked and frowned like he was in pain.

Senior laughed, "It's a deal," he agreed and then went to find McGee.

On the dance floor Ziva was talking to Gibbs about hers and Tony's adventure. Gibbs was happy to listen to their story and even more happy about their state of commitment. The rule number 12 seemed very pointless.

"I actually had something I wanted to say to you," Ziva changed the subject after finished a story of how Tony lost their luggage in a hotel. The luggage were later found from a airport.

"What's that?" Gibbs asked.

"I thank Abby for making me realize this situation back then and I thank Tony for loving me the way I am, but," she took a deep breath, "They are not the ones I thank the most. It's actually you - I thank you the most".

"Why?" Gibbs didn't understood how him standing between them had done any good when they first started the relationship.

"You have accepted me to be part of this team and without that, I would not be here – or maybe I would, but without the certain kind of trust you gave me. I would have not felt like a useful part of the team. You accepted me and trusted me, no matter what I had done," Ziva said and smiled. She thought back the time when she had shot her half-brother on Gibbs' basement and there was a the quick, passing moment when Gibbs took her hand and showed that way his silent support.

"I didn't really have a choice back then," Gibbs said and thought about the orders from Jenny that would tell him to take it easy and give Ziva a chance.

"I know, but you could have giving me such hard time," she pointed out, "And you could have chose not to trust me".

"You thank me for trusting you?" Gibbs asked.

"Among other things, yes," Ziva nodded.

"Other things?" Gibbs wanted to know more.

"I thank you for giving us an honest chance, even thought it was hard for you. I thank you for keeping mine and Tony's places in team, even though we were miles away. I thank you for all that," Ziva smiled.

Gibbs smiled back, "You're welcome".

"And I want you to know, that no matter how many of us get married or leave the team, you will never be alone," she said.

Gibbs looked away for few seconds. He didn't think that Ziva had figured out one of his fears. The team was something that was keeping him sane and together and if it would one day be all gone, he wouldn't have that much of a point anymore. He always thought he'd move back to Stillwater, to keep up his father's shop and live there till his last days.

"We might not be related by blood, but why would we need to be? This is enough as it is. This team is a family and we are just as close as we can," Ziva said, "And none us will ever be alone or get left behind".

"But for how long will this all last?" Gibbs asked.

"As long as you last," Ziva smiled, "You are the leader and so much more for all of us".

Gibbs looked away again. His breath was caught in his throat and emotions were pushing through the cool and calm surface.

"As I once said," she remembered the time when Gibbs had figured out the plan Mossad had for killing Ari and how Ziva had to explain that she wasn't following the orders, she was saving the yet nobody special agent and shooting her half-brother, "You are the closest thing I have to a father, when my own is nowhere to be seen. And you are so much more... to all of them too," she pointed to the dance floor and the people swaying to the music.

"You are a friend, a mentor, a father-figure and many more things to all of them," Ziva said and smiled. She saw the way Gibbs turned his gaze slowly to the dance floor and the light hit his eyes – tears were shining brightly, even though they weren't falling yet.

"You should never forget that," she whispered.

"I won't," Gibbs answered and kept looking at the dance floor.

"Excuse me," Tony tapped Gibbs' shoulder, "Can I please dance with my wife?"

Gibbs turned around, "Sure, go ahead," he said and kissed Ziva on the forehead, "Thank you".

She smiled and leaned into Tony's embrace. It felt safe and familiar and she knew it was the right thing to do and he was the right man for her.

"Are you okay?" Tony asked, when the silence between them seemed to last longer than it should have lasted.

"I am," she said and smiled, "I am better than okay. But I do wish we have figured this out sooner, so that we would not have gone through the whole world just to get into this point".

"Figure out what?" Tony asked.

"That we are meant to be," Ziva said and kissed her husband when the song changed from classical rock to 'Look Of Love'.

* * *

**So this is indeed the last official chapter. I might write and epilogue of some sort, but I am not sure.**

**Anyway, I want to thank each and every one of you for sticking along till the end. I LOVED writing this story to you and it has taught me so much. I am more than grateful from each and every fav, review or alert. They mean more to me than you'd ever realize.  
I have learned to write a little bit better and I am proud of that. I hope that this is just beginning of my own adventure in the world of words and that I might one day find my own way of writing that leaves a mark in this world.**

**I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. And once again, t****hank you so much.**

**Till the next time xo**

**~ L**


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